what now? | outerbanks

• sixty-five •

Wheezie

John B. throws his hands up, muttering something under his breath and then standing up from his seat. As he storms off, he yells, "I'm calling Rafe."
"Bro, what?! He's never going to let me leave the house ever again," I yell back, eyes wide with worry.
"And for John B. to be willingly calling Rafe... you know this is a big deal."
I lean back in my chair, groaning. "This is why I don't tell you these things. I say one thing about my friend driving me home, and now I'm gonna be stuck in my room until school starts back up in August! I mean, school just ended and I'm already in trouble."
"A friend," she repeats, raising her eyebrows.
"Yes. Just a friend."
She tilts her head skeptically. "A guy friend."
"Oh my God, Sarah," I bellow, raising my arms and swinging them back down, truly exasperated.
"I'm serious, Wheezie. You really need to think about these things." She smirks, but only for a second before her expression shifts into something more serious. "Well, since John B. just abandoned us, I guess I should just go full-send."
Sarah goes to say something else, but John B.'s voice booms from the front porch. "Hey, uh, Sofia's here."
I groan, rubbing a hand slowly down my face. Of course she is. She walks into the house naturally, her short, brown hair bouncing in the way it always does. I love Sofia, and I look up to her a lot, but I just know—this conversation is going to be ten times worse now that they're both here. She sees us sitting here, tense and awkward, and her face flickers with something I can't identify.
"I was just stopping by to make you some lunch, Sarah. John B. mentioned that you keep crying because you can't choose anything to eat, but that you're too tired to make anything yourself." She walks to where Sarah is sitting on the sofa and plays lightly with her hair. "But it looks like this is a bad time, so I'll just stop by tomorrow."
Sarah smirks, and it's clear that ideas are flooding to her brain. I brace myself for what's to come, sitting straighter in my chair and combing my wild hair back into a ponytail.
"You know what, why don't you stay, Sofia? Me and Wheezie were just about to have a really important talk."
Sofia's eyes glisten with excitement, and she claps her hands in front of her. "Ooh la la," she sings playfully. "What'll it be today? Boys? Drugs?"
"Cómo se dice... all of the above?" Sarah pats the cushion next to her, and Sofia hops over the back of the couch so she's sitting right next to the blonde. Sofia takes a second to hug her and awe at her belly, moving her hands lightly around the mass.
"Oh! She kicked me," she exclaims.
Sarah groans, "I know. I can feel it—right in the bladder."
"You're making it really hard to decide whether I want to have a baby or not, Cameron," Sofia complains. Sarah giggles lightly, but then stops, coming to a realization.
"Oh my goodness," she drawls out with fake excitement. "What a perfect segue!"
I shift awkwardly in my chair, suddenly regretting my every life decision. "I know all of this already. I'm not dumb."
    "We never said you were," says Sofia, "but knowing stuff and actually hearing it from two people who care about you are two completely different things."
    "Fine. Have at it," I sigh, running a hand through my hair.
    Sarah shifts slightly, her belly making even small movements look like a whole ordeal. "Look, I was your age when I met John B. We started dating, like, five seconds after we met, things escalated, and now I'm pregnant at nineteen."
    "Yeah, real inspiring story," I deadpan.
     Sarah rolls her eyes. "I'm just saying, I know what it's like to think you have it all under control. I'm not saying you don't have it under control, but I know how fast things can happen when you're young and dumb and in love."
    "I'm not in love," I say, making a face.
    "Good. Keep it that way for as long as possible," Sofia says, pointing at me. "But seriously, Wheeze, you need to be smart. If you ever decide you're ready for that, you have to use protection. Every time. No exceptions."
    I groan again. "I know."
    "Do you?" Sarah gives me a pointed look. "Because I was raised in the same house as you, and I know no one ever sat us down and actually talked about this stuff."
    I cross my arms. "Okay, fine. Yes, I know. Condoms, birth control, all that. I haven't done anything yet. I mean, I've had a few chances, but I've never actually gone through with it.
    Sarah's eyes flicker with something—concern, maybe—but she just nods. "You've had chances?"
    "I mean—I don't know. Things happen at parties and whatever, you know?"
    "No, Wheezie, I don't 'know,'" Sofia shoots out. Sarah sneaks a small look at her, and Sofia sees. She calms herself down instantly.
    "This is good to talk about, Wheeze. You had chances, and then what happened?"
    I tilt my head, playing with my hair and focusing on whatever I can to avoid eye contact with the girls in front of me. "I...stopped, I guess. I mean, it's not because I was scared or anything—it just didn't feel right. I could tell it wasn't it, you know?"
    Sarah smiles a little, like she's proud of me. "That's good. That means you're actually listening to yourself and not just going along with whatever someone else wants."
    "I felt kind of dumb doing it, though. Like I was letting them down."
    "You know what happened between Topper and me at that party, right? Do you remember that?" She grimaces a little while she talks like she'd rather not be talking about it, but she doesn't let her pride stop her.
    "Kind of," I hesitate.
    "We got pretty far. We'd been together for a while, and I thought things were going great. We both did. But lying there, half-naked underneath him, I knew I couldn't do it. I had to stop him. He was mad, but I didn't care because I was keeping myself safe. That's what it's all about, Wheeze—keeping yourself safe."
    "So, no matter how far you are into a situation, even when you think there's no going back, you have to hold your own."
    I think about what they're saying for a while, legitimately taking in everything, but I won't let them see that I'm actually getting anything out of this. "Yeah, well, I'd rather not end up pregnant at nineteen," I say, shooting Sarah a teasing look.
    Sarah laughs, but there's something bittersweet in it. "Yeah, well, I didn't either, but John B. and I were definitely not careful." She rubs her belly absentmindedly. "I love this baby girl, but I won't lie to you and tell you it's easy, or that it wouldn't have been smarter to wait," she says warningly. She shifts again, trying to tuck one of her legs underneath her, but it doesn't work, so she just groans. "If you can, I'd try to avoid this."
    I nod, suddenly starting to feel the weight of the conversation. "I will."
    Sofia hesitates for a second, not sure whether she should say what's on her mind, but she eventually speaks. "And, don't think that all sex is bad. Sex can be a good thing, but only when it's comfortable and safe."
    I groan, already sensing where this conversation is going. "Yep. Got it. Sex is good. Can we be done now?"
    "Really, Wheezie. It can be dangerous and hazy, but when it's with the right person, it can be really nice." Sofia looks at me, and there's the slightest glint of evil in her eye, like she knows what she's doing.
    "And even when you do find the right person, it might be a while before you do anything. Me and Rafe got pretty close pretty quick—I stayed at Tanneyhill, we slept in the same bed, but we didn't have sex until a few weeks in."
    "Me and John B. didn't really wait," Sarah giggles. "We were all over each other the second we were able to, but it felt right to us."
    "Oh my—get me out of here," I cry, burying my head in my hands.
    "We're just saying, there's no right way to go about things. It's all conditional."
    "While we're all already uncomfortable, we should probably just get every taboo out of the way," Sofia sighs, pulling her short hair back into a tiny ponytail. "Did we already cover drinking?"
    Sarah draws a check mark in the air with her finger. "Check!"
    "Just don't forget—never let a guy trick you into thinking that you'll have any more fun or like him any better drunk than you do sober. It's never true."
    "And as for drugs," Sarah adds, "just make it a rule to never do them, deal?"
    "Deal."
    Sarah studies me for a second, then softens. "And just so you know, if you ever need anything—questions, advice, literally whatever—we're here. I'd rather you come to one of us, or Rafe, or John B. than try to figure things out on your own and regret it later."
    I swallow, nodding again. "Okay."
    She smiles, reaching over to squeeze my hand. "Good talk."
    "Yeah, sure," I mutter. Then, smirking, I add, "I think John B. should be back any second with a lecture from Rafe."
    Sofia runs a hand down her face. "God, I can't wait to see what he has to say this time."