what now? | outerbanks

• forty-six •

JJ

    The sun is starting to settle in the sky, the clouds a light pink against the golden backdrop, and the house is buzzing with anticipation. Sarah and John B. are at Tanneyhill now, but soon they'll be back, and we'll be finding out the gender of the baby. Kie knows, of course, and she's been protecting the slip of paper with her life.
    "Here, let me help," I say, reaching to adjust a stack of plates she set out on the counter, but before my hand makes contact, she pushes the plates out of my reach.
    "I got it," she mutters. She's been stressed about this all day. As much as I want to say something sassy back, I don't, and just move on to do something else.
    "Is there anything in the kitchen you need help with?" I ask, genuinely.
    "JJ, I said I didn't need your help, okay? Leave it alone," she hisses, walking out to the porch with a slam of the door. I wince, but I know that if I don't snap her out of it now, she'll ruin the night for herself.
"Kie," I call out, walking onto the porch behind her.
"Please, JJ, I told you—"
"Kie." I place my hands on her shoulders, trying to be as steady as possible. Her eyes are sharp and warning, but I don't let them stop me. "You need to snap out of this." All she does is roll her eyes and shake from my grip.
"Just let me finish doing this; we can talk later," she says, but it's almost like she's in a trance.
"Come on, babe. You need to stop."
"Stop what!?" She snaps, and though it's jarring, I'm almost glad that she's finally letting it all out.
"All of this! Not letting me help, pretending like this is all on you. News flash: it's not!"
Her cheeks flush, and she takes a deep breath before she speaks again. "It just—it has to be perfect for her. I need it to be perfect."
"She's going to love it either way, I promise," I hum into her shoulder, wrapping my arms around her frame. She starts to shake with a cry.
"I'm sorry," she sobs. My heart breaks.
"No, baby, it's okay. You're okay."
"I've just been so stressed lately. You know, with Sarah's appointment and knowing that we're leaving in a few days and we're hardly ready. It's just—"
"I know. It's a lot. And I know you don't like that Sarah's coming on the hunt, but she already made up her mind, and you know how stubborn she is."
"She won't budge," Kie lets out with a wet laugh, wiping tears from her eyes. "I just feel like, after tonight, it'll all become real. What if something happens to her while we're out there?"
"First off, we're going to make sure that nothing happens. Second off, if something does, we always figure it out. There'll be nothing different about this time around." I take her hands and stand in front of her, my eyes grasping hers. "She's going to be okay."
    She nods, but I can tell she doesn't totally believe it, and I don't blame her. I know how much Sarah means to her.
    "Now, you should go calm yourself down and make sure you're ready. They'll be here soon," I tell her, brushing some loose hair behind her ear. She smiles slightly and then kisses me on the lips.
    "I love you," Kie coos. She doesn't even give me a chance to answer, moving through the halls to our room before I can open my mouth.
    "I love you too," I say aloud anyway.

An hour or so later, John B. and Sarah pull into the driveway, and Sarah is walking suspiciously up the front steps. She walks in to see the food and minimal decor, head tilting and eyes glancing between me and Kie. 
    "What is this?" She asks, dragging her words like sticky gum.
    "Come on, Cameron. You didn't think Sofia was the only one getting a surprise today, did you?" I ask with a smirk, pulling her hand so she walks with me through the house and to the back porch. Cleo and Pope are sitting around a bonfire, beers in hand.
    She takes it all in, her face a mixture of teary shock. "You didn't."
    "Oh, but we did," Kie quips, wrapping the girl in a hug.
    "Queen Pogue is here!" Cleo calls from the fire, hopping up with her beer and running over to us. She places a dramatically big kiss to Sarah's belly and joins the two girls' hug.
The three of us boys simply stand back, watching our girls and the love they have for each other. How did we get so lucky?
"I love you guys, but I don't think I can wait any longer," Kie squeals, wriggling out of the group hug.
"You can't wait any longer?! You're the only one who knows!"
"I'm honestly shocked you didn't spill," John B. admits, slapping a hand down to Kie's shoulder with a grin.
"Kiara Carrera, a secret spiller? No way in hell," she amuses.
"Yeah—she called the cops on my sweet sixteen and didn't spill until months later," Sarah giggles, leaning on John B.
"And that was only because I was high. Sober? Secret would still be up here," she says, tapping her finger lightly to her head, a mischievous glint in her eyes.
Cleo squeals in excitement, not caring about the current topic, and pushes us all out to the backyard. She speaks for all of us in her antsy waiting. I rummage through the cooler we have sat outside and grab one beer for John B. and one for myself. We clink them together and take a big swig in sync.
"God, the things I'd do for a cold PBR," Sarah groans, sitting crisscross in the grass and leaning back on her hands.
"I thought you'd say that," I start, raising my brows just a hint, pulling something out of the ice chest. I hand it to her carefully, and her eyes instantly scan over the label. "Alcohol-free. Totally safe."
"You're sure?" She asks.
"I checked it out too," Pope chimes in. "It's legit."
Sarah's face twists a little as she opens the bottle, her features skeptical as ever. She takes a tentative sip, pausing a moment before giving her review.
"Almost terrible," she hesitates, taking another sip. "But not too bad. Good enough to pretend it's just a super cheap beer."
"Hey, I'll take it," I say, high-fiving Pope.
"Okay, well, let's start before she finishes that bottle and starts demanding snacks," John B. murmurs, earning a sharp nudge from his wife.
Pope stands up, wiping his hands down his jeans before walking to the porch and slipping the white envelope off of the railing. It's a little wrinkled now, having been in Kie's pockets for weeks, but it doesn't change what we all know is inside. He hands it to the girl, and her cheeks glow a warm pink color.
"Before you open it," Cleo starts, "you should guess." Sarah's eyes flicker to John B. and then back to us. She's uncertain, but she complies.
"I don't know. A boy, maybe?" Her words come out a little awkward, and I can tell she doesn't really mean what she's saying. Something about her tone tells me she's just saying this to ease the disappointment. Just in case—if the slip does say boy—she'll still seem grateful. But I know, deep down, she's been dreaming for a girl. And I can tell in John B's eyes that he knows that too.
"All I know is, whatever it is, it's going to be beautiful just like its momma," the brunette hums, kissing into Sarah's shoulder. She blushes.
"Can I open it?" She asks, though her words come out more like a whisper. She doesn't even really wait for an answer, just looks long into Kie's eyes and then slides her dainty finger between the envelope and its triangular flap.
    Sarah pulls the slip out of the envelope, and her honey eyes scan frantically over the words—back and forth, up and down. Then they lock. This is it. Her breath hitches, and John B. turns to her in anticipation, abandoning the tiny words.
    "A baby girl," she breathes out, quieter than I've ever heard her speak. Her lips turn down into the happiest, most emotional frown. Her chest rises and falls rapidly, and she brings a shaky hand up to her mouth. "I'm having a baby girl."
    "Sarah," John B. says with the happiest grin. He pulls her into him, kissing the top of her head. I scoot closer into Kie, wrapping a strong arm around her waist. Her head leans on my shoulder, and I can feel the shakes of her body as tears roll down her cheeks. 
A choked sob bubbles out of Sarah before she can stop it, and suddenly, she's in motion, twisting out of John B's hold just enough to reach for Kie. Kiara barely has a second to react before Sarah throws herself into her, arms wrapping around her best friend's neck like she's holding on for dear life.
"I can't believe it," she cries.
Kie lets out a small, surprised sound before laughing through her tears. "Oh, Sarah," she says, rubbing circles on the girl's back. "You're gonna be great. You're gonna be everything we wish we had."
Cleo walks over to them and rakes salty, wet hairs from Sarah's face. "And she's gonna have the coolest aunties."
"Hell yeah, she will!" Kie cheers.
I observe it all, the six of us, the wind in the trees, the marsh, and I think I even see a glistening in Pope's eyes.
"Woah, P, are you crying?"
He quickly rubs a finger under his eye, coughing to clear the thickness of his voice. "No. No way." He's so unbelievable that I can't help but laugh. "Fine. So what? It's beautiful," he admits. "And don't pretend like those beautiful blues aren't wet too, buddy. I see right through you."
I throw an empty can at him, and through the commotion of it all, I hear the slightest hint of John B's voice. He's sitting right where he has been, his face aglow from the fire in front of him, and to himself, he whispers, "It's a girl."
The truth of the matter is: this is the most special thing any of us have been through, especially together as a group. We've never had so much love to give, and we've never had someone so deserving to give it to. This, if anything, is going to bring us together indefinitely.

John B.

    Back at our house now, things are quiet and calm, the only sound coming from the overhead ceiling fan. The warmth from the bonfire still lingers on my skin, but it's nothing compared to Sarah's body pressed against mine, her bare leg draped over my waist, her fingers tracing lines on my ribs.
    We're tangled up in each other like we have been many nights before, but there's something different about this time. Something special. Something so specific and new. Her head is tucked perfectly underneath my chin, and her breath hovers rhythmically onto my collarbone. I don't think I've ever felt so close to somebody in my life. It's like we're existing in our own little universe, separate from everything else—the hunt, the danger, everything I probably should be worrying about right now. But for once, they're not on my mind.
    I run my fingers through her hair, letting the silky strands cascade over my hands as I follow the slope of her nose to the perfectly cradled dip of her top lip.
    "You're staring again," she mutters.
    "Can you blame me?" I whisper back. "You're perfect."
    "You always say that."
    "And I always mean it," I say, tilting her chin up so I can see her face in the moonlight that pours through the bedroom window. She's always been beautiful—a kind of indescribable beauty—but now? Now she's something entirely different. Something warmer, softer. Not just my wife anymore, my fiancée, or my girlfriend, but the mother of my daughter.
    Sarah shifts a hand to her stomach, and I follow close behind, my hand sliding slow and soft to her abdomen. It's not a big bump, but it's bigger than it was, and its meaning is its size tenfold.
    "She's in there," she whispers, looking up at me with the cheekiest of smiles.
    "Yeah," I say back, almost in disbelief. "She is."
    Sarah's eyes are full of something youthful and free. I can practically see her dreams through the amber of her irises. "I've thought about this since I was a little girl. I had no idea it'd ever actually happen. I didn't know it'd feel like this."
    "What does it feel like?" I ask, brushing my fingers back and forth over hers.
    "Like I was only ever made to be her mom," she says in a small but sure voice. "Nothing else."
Something in my chest tightens, and I know, in this moment, that I'll never get over her. Over this. Over the fact that this girl—this impossibly strong, beautiful, reckless, loving girl—is mine.
"I love you," I hum into her, kissing her temple, her cheek, the corner of her lips.
"I love you more," she says, kissing me back and running a hand through my hair.
"Not possible," I say, grinning.
"You're gonna be an amazing dad, JB." Her eyes are full of wonder as the words leave her mouth, and the whole of it all makes my throat go tight, but I don't let go. I don't know how to respond, so I do what I know best—I kiss her. Slow, deep, passionate, full of every promise I've made and every promise I will make someday.
And then—she gasps. A small sound, hardly recognizable through the harmony of our lips, but I hear it. At first, I think something's wrong, but with one look into her eyes, I know it's anything but that.
"What is it?" I ask, but she shushes me instantly, putting a finger to her lips.
She shines, breathless, and she moves my hand to another spot on her stomach, pressing firm. I don't know what I'm supposed to be feeling, but the anticipation is palpable. The air is heavy with tension, like a rope being pulled past its prime, and then it finally snaps, the feeling happening again.
The tiniest flutter, barely there, but enough. Our baby. It's enough to change my world.
"She moved," Sarah coos, eyes flicking up to mine, shiny with fresh tears. "John B, she—"
"I felt it," I choke, my voice hoarse. I move my hand around a little, feeling for any other signs of life, but that little patter was just enough for me.
Sarah leans up some, pressing her forehead to mine but keeping our hands right where our daughter is. "She can feel it already," she says, a tear dripping down her freckled cheek. "She can feel how much you love me. How much you love her."
For the first time, I finally let out a sob, a few tears spilling from my eyes at the beauty of it all. I've never felt anything so fragile yet so perfect. I didn't know it before, but this is all I've ever wanted.
I close my eyes, breathing in the clean scent of Sarah's hair. The salt, the sea, the quiet hum of our little world.
Tomorrow I'll worry. Tomorrow I'll fight it out. But tonight? Right here, in bed with the woman I'll get to call mine for the rest of my life, I push it all to the back of my mind. This is all that matters for now.

Sarah and our beautiful baby girl.

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ahhh!! i've been waiting for this!

i don't think i'll ever get over this chapter it is so perfectly sweet 🥺

I love you all, thank you for everything 💕💕