I've Loved You Before

Chapter 20 - Brilliant Disguise

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I hold you in my arms

As the band plays

What are those words whispered, baby?

Just as you turn away

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Hazel eyes stared up into John's dark blue ones as he whispered, "Are you, okay, Doc?"

Marlena smiled at him shyly as he danced with her in the moonlight on his back porch. "Why wouldn't I be?"

Lifting his hand, he gently brushed the hair back from her cheek watching the firelight dance across her skin. "You've been quiet lately... sad almost. Is everything okay with Roman?"

She glanced away from him, pausing in her movements as if she were confused. Glancing around she asked him, "How did I get here? Where is Roman?"

"Doc?" he whispered softly, but then just as suddenly as they'd appeared on his back porch, they were somewhere else. John was just as confused as she was as they stood on top of the pyramid in Mexico. The breeze blew warm and humid against his flesh, and he saw the distance in her eyes as she stepped away from him, dragging her palm slowly down his chest. She watched him warily, as if she knew something he didn't.

"I'm so torn," she whispered. "I don't know what to do... or who to choose."

"Choose?" He stared down at her. "You chose Roman." He reached for her, trying to pull her back against him, but Marlena put her hand up to stop him.

"I chose Roman?" she repeated as if she didn't understand. "Did I? Are you sure? Or did you choose Isabella?"

He glanced around, realizing that they were now standing in the professor's house. Marlena stared at him with the saddest eyes he'd ever seen. She was hurt, but why? But then he felt the warmth and gentle pressure on his hand. Looking down he saw his fingers entwined with Isabella's, and he knew what Marlena thought. Yes, he'd made love to Isabella. He wasn't sure why. Loneliness? Desperation? A need to feel loved? But had he chosen Isabella? He needed to explain. "No! No, Doc!"

In the next instant, Roman stood in the doorway, outlined by the early morning sun, while holding his hand out to Marlena. John's heart stopped, and then resumed at a rapid pace. He watched as she wiped the tears from her eyes. Softly she said, "You made your choice... and it wasn't me. It could have been me. It could have been me... it could have been... me."

The last thing he saw was Marlena reaching for Roman's hand as the light swallowed them. John cried out, "Doc! Wait!" And then he was standing in pitch blackness, his voice echoing around him. A complex void of time in space. He fell to his knees in grief. "Doc!"

In the distance he heard Isabella's soft voice, "John... I'm waiting..."

Into the darkness he cried out for Marlena, "Doc! Wait! You don't understand!"

He jolted awake, blinking his eyes several times as the blinding afternoon sun caught him through the curtains. He must have fallen asleep with Brady. His son was still cradled in his arms. His weight resting comfortably against John's chest. His head fell back onto the couch cushion, and he rubbed his free hand over his face trying to clear his sleep addled mind. "Why am I dreaming about that?"

"Did you say something?" Hailey asked him coming around the corner with a laundry basket full of Brady's things.

"No," he replied. "It was just a dream." But it felt like more, and he wasn't sure why. He'd never asked Marlena about their decisions in Mexico. He'd made love to Isabella on the beach, and when they'd returned to the Professor's house, it was as if the decision was made. He and Marlena had never formally discussed what they planned to do, or what their choices were. It was simply assumed, and they went along with it. He would go with Isabella, afterall she was pregnant. Marlena would go with Roman. He was her rightful husband, and after years of torture Marlena was consumed with guilt.