I've Loved You Before

Chapter 40 - Be My Baby

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The night we met 

I knew I needed you so

And if I had the chance 

I'd never let you go

So won't you say you love me

I'll make you so proud of me

We'll make 'em turn their heads 

Every place we go

So won't you please

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Three pregnancy tests lay across the bathroom vanity. Marlena stood in the doorway after waiting fifteen minutes and she froze. It had been the longest fifteen minutes of her life. The result was already known, she knew it almost as soon as Kim had suggested it, but seeing the results of those tests would solidify what she was already certain of. Softly, John's hand cupped her shoulder, and his breath brushed her ear as he whispered teasingly, "Three tests seems a little excessive, Doc."

She turned to look at him, "I was stressed, okay? And I–I needed to be certain." She reached up to her shoulder, placing her hand over his as if to ground herself.

"I thought you were already certain," he replied, lacing his fingers through hers. He inched around her, still holding her hand, and started pulling her towards the vanity. "Reading these tests is just a formality."

They both glanced down, and Marlena was confronted with the truth. A blue plus sign, two pink lines, and the dipstick with the HCG line was positive. Three types of tests. Three positives. A baby. She felt John squeeze her hand, and felt the heat of his chest against her spine. Comforting. Reassuring. She glanced up at him to find his eyes filling with tears. He was happy, and that was a relief. He pulled her body up against his, and she whispered, overcome with emotion, "Oh, John!"

"Are you happy?" he asked her, a note of wariness in his voice. His soft lips kissed her temple tenderly. "Because I am so happy, Doc."

"I am very happy," she whispered. "I–I sometimes have dreams that I am pregnant with your baby... and it seems so real. I wake up so crestfallen when I realize it's a figment of my mind... and now... now it's coming true. We're having a child. Our child." She didn't tell John about the darkness of her dreams. They filled her nights with anxiety. He knew she had nightmares about Stefano, but something had always held her back from mentioning the baby. Those were inky dreams where Stefano taunted her, or she held her son close to her body, rocking him underneath an unfamiliar tree with eyes watching her. All of them were simply manifestations of her fears. Her mind created scenarios to fill the empty space that was lost in those years she was missing. Logically she knew that, but emotionally she felt the pain of loss every time she woke.

"I have dreams too," he told her. "Nightmares of how Stefano tried to destroy us. He didn't, but I won't deny that he left us both a little battered." He slid his hand over her abdomen. "Our baby."

She couldn't help smiling, as she allowed her head to fall back against his shoulder. "Our baby. I guess we know where all those curves you're so appreciative of came from."

John cupped her hips, pulling her flush against him, he smoothed then his palms over her abdomen with an appreciative sound. "I'm astounded sometimes that I have you in my life again. For so long, I watched you struggle with Roman... and I wanted to... it was hard loving you and loving Isabella at the same time. I wanted to go to you when I would see you hurt. I would greet you when we were out and want to hold you for longer than I should." John stared down into Marlena's gentle gaze, "Everything was an intricate dance. I had to tell myself not to reach for you, when to let go during a hug... and when to look away if a glance lasted too long."