I've Loved You Before

Chapter 32 - breathe again

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The Devil's in the basement in my home

A flight of stairs is way too close

He comes for me when I'm alone

Collecting debts that I don't owe

Follow me down where the waters run deep

I'll let you drown in the worst of me

If my intentions are good, why can't I come clean?

If Heaven's above, where does that leave me?

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Marlena adjusted the snugli against her chest, patting Brady's bottom affectionately as she stood up from dropping the last of the clothes into the dryer. The final load of laundry was in, and it was nearing Brady's nap time. She had appointments later that day, but she was enjoying a free morning with just her and Brady. John hadn't had an opportunity to look for another nanny, and while Caroline and Shawn had been helping out, they had their own business to run. Brushing her hand over Brady's velvety brown curls, Marlena smiled when he looked up at her with soft fawn eyes. Eyes the color of Isabella's, but holding the wisdom of his father.

"You look sleepy," she said softly. "Let's get that bottle ready, and then a nap I think." He smiled up at her with a gappy grin, and Marlena felt such a well of love. He wasn't her child, but she had become such an integral part of his life, he felt like hers. "You beautiful boy."

A knock sounded on the front door. Later Marlena would regret not checking who was there first, but she'd become complacent in the last week. She felt safe in John's home, and the tension she'd lived with for so long was gone. She shook the formula in Brady's bottle, making sure it was well mixed and she rounded the kitchen island, walking towards the door.

Roman's face took on a grimace when Marlena opened the door. Such a domestic scene. His wife with another man's baby and a bottle in her hand. She'd gotten what she'd wanted all along - Isabella's life, Isabella's family. He'd hoped that he could beg her forgiveness and somehow get her to come home. Looking at her then, he knew it was a long shot, and all it did was enrage him. He'd been pushing Taylor away for the last week. He'd broken her heart, and Bo hated him - for what he'd done to Marlena, and what he was doing to Taylor.

Marlena stared at Roman for a moment, and then said softly, "Roman."

He glanced into the room behind her, his eyes landing first on the fireplace, and then on the couch. He immediately remembered her naked body straddling John, and the way she looked arched back in the firelight. She's never looked like that with him, at least not that he could remember. The expression on her face that night had been pure abandon. He clenched his fist, feeling the sting of the split skin on his knuckles from where he punched the steering wheel in his car. He looked away quickly.

Glancing at Marlena, he said roughly, "I came to see if there was a way for us to fix this?"

Marlena blinked her eyes slowly. Did he honestly believe there was a way to fix a marriage that was irreparably broken? "There is no fixing it, Roman. You brought another woman into our home, our bed... into our shower. You brought her into our most private spaces... at least when Don cheated on me he had enough respect to do it somewhere else. He never brought Liz into our home."

She was comparing him to Don? What Don had done was reprehensible. Roman felt like Marlena had pushed him away. It wasn't the same. It wasn't the same at all. He was confused by her calmness. Maybe he'd feel better if she cried, or raged at him. If she gave him some sort of emotion. Instead he registered nothing from her. Her voice was emotionless. "So that's it then, Doc? That's it? It's over?"