I've Loved You Before

Chapter 23 - I'm the Only One

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Please, baby, can't you see

My mind's a burnin' hell

I got razors a-rippin' and tearin' and strippin'

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The door to the pub closed on Roman's back as Marlena sat at a small table in the corner. They'd been meeting for lunch, but as she glanced over his half finished meal she wasn't surprised. Trying to dive in with Roman was almost impossible if he wouldn't stay in the same room with her longer than twenty five minutes at a time - sleeping didn't count. Just the night before, she'd tried to talk to him about something endearing that Sami and Eric had done, and he'd cut her off saying, "I'm really tired, Doc. I'm gonna get some sleep." She'd watched him turn towards his lamp, cut off the light, and then fluff his pillow. She'd been dismissed yet again. How could she reconnect with him when he had built a wall between them that she had no idea how to scale? How did Roman expect to build a bond with his children when he wouldn't even listen to her talk about them. She felt as if she were caught in an endless loop of unhappiness with no end in sight. She was diving in by herself.

She looked up when the waitress, Lisa, approached the table. Softly Marlena said, "Roman won't be coming back."

"He left?" Lisa asked her in confusion. She felt as if he'd just arrived, but in the year since his return, Lisa had come to learn that the newly returned Roman Brady was nothing like the one she'd known when she worked part time at the fish market. If she tried to acknowledge Marlena's sadness, it would only embarrass her. Lisa asked her, "Would you like me to box up the rest of his food?"

"No," Marlena replied quietly. What was the point? He wouldn't eat it. It would sit in their refrigerator for a few days, the food would go bad, and then she'd have to throw it out anyway. "There's no need to box it up. You can take the plate though. Thank you."

Rebecca watched Marlena from the bar. She'd stopped in to pick up a quick order of corned beef and cabbage with a side of soda bread. It was a rare occurrence that she allowed herself to eat food with such high levels of sodium. It caused her to bloat and retain water, and Rebecca was diligent about her figure, especially now that she was so focused on winning John. However, since New Year's eve a week earlier she hadn't seen John. She'd called him and left a message, but she refused to call any man more than once. She wanted him, but she wouldn't allow herself to seem desperate. What she needed to know was what attracted him? What made John's heart beat for a woman? Her soft tone, and flattering comments didn't seem to work, but then in all the years she'd been watching him, John Black wasn't a typical man. She stared at Marlena for a moment longer, and then decided to go straight to the source.

Marlena almost groaned aloud when she saw Rebecca approaching. Speaking with Rebecca was the last thing she wanted. She'd been working hard with Kim to find ways to bring out Lacey during their sessions with no luck, and Marlena had started to view Rebecca as the enemy. As the Assistant D.A., Rebecca was simply doing her job, but in Marlena's mind her feelings for Rebecca Morrison had become intertwined with Rebecca's growing infatuation with John, causing Marlena to view her in a way that she normally wouldn't. Rebecca was the enemy. Not simply for the fact that she wanted to convict Kim, but also for the fact that she so obviously wanted John. The women practically salivated over him, and Marlena found it to be gauche, and somehow, she was taking it personally.

She'd never been a jealous woman, especially with John. When she was with him it hadn't mattered how many women turned their heads towards him. Marlena had known that he was, and would always be, her man. It had never been in question that another woman would entrance him, because he was absolutely enamored with her. But, he wasn't hers anymore, and when he was with Isabella, she had reluctantly accepted that. At least he was with a woman who loved him more than life itself. Sure, it hurt, but he had been loved, and she could accept that. She'd even come to the point where it didn't break her heart every time she saw them together.