With Hope, the Beginning of Better

Chapter 12: Staying Afloat

Summary:

CWs: panic attacks, passing out, swimming.

Notes:

Hope you enjoy!

Wylan

Wylan was currently attempting to convince himself that he wasn't in the middle of an apocalypse and was failing miserably. The Crows had always cut it close with dangerous and insurmountable odds, yet this situation seemed especially despicable. Much of the crew had already been crushed in the waves making their way on the ship. He himself couldn't look at many of the corpses surrounding him. Inej was gathering rope and trying to throw it out to people already in the sea, trying to reel them back in. Jesper was giving out wooden boards to help people float in the water.

"Hurry up! This ship is going to sink!" Jesper yelled to everyone. Jesper exuded calm as he always did in the middle of a distressing situation. Inej and Kaz had always said that Jesper was always at his best in the middle of a fight, and Wylan could definitely see that now.

Wylan attempted to make his way to Jesper, stumbling along the way from the rocking of the ship.

"We need to get off of here!" Wylan shouted.

"Where's Kaz?" Jesper asked, looking around in fright.

Wylan scouted around, and his eyes landed on the boy, in front of an ajar door, utterly petrified.

Oh Saints, out of all the times, why now?

He sighed. He supposed he couldn't complain. He wasn't much better.

Sighing again, he walked as fast as he realistically could on a rocking ship and approached Kaz.

"Kaz, we have to go. Now. Kaz, I know you aren't okay. But...we need to do this."

"Keep talking," Kaz rasped.

"Okay, okay. I know this is not a good situation. Not at all." Wylan currently felt the opposite of eloquent.

Can't come up with anything better?

"Just follow me," he replied instead, "I...haven't had the best experience with bodies of water, either."

Kaz finally looked at him, in mild intrigue, like there was a missing piece to Wylan that Kaz didn't fathom, though he was still gasping and heaving.

"Okay, just breathe with me," Wylan instructed, trying to calm Kaz down. He exaggerated his breaths, breathing in slower than he usually did for about a minute. Jesper often used this tactic with him, and it seemed to work with Kaz. Thankfully, as Kaz breathed in and out with him, he seemed to feel better, although his face still looked a little green and pale.

"I don't...want to get in there," Kaz said, looking anywhere besides at Wylan, embarrassed. Wylan would have to ask about that later, but he knew now wasn't the time. He himself could barely contain his panic. He'd have to face his demons once again, and he had zero choice in it.

Will it ever end?

"I know, but we have no choice," he stated with more confidence than he felt. Wylan knew, though, that if any person could beat all the odds and come out triumphant, it was the man right in front of him. "Besides, you're strong and you keep persisting, despite the odds. You're Kaz Brekker, Dirtyhands, Bastard of the Barrel, King of the gangs of Ketterdam, and one hell of a survivor. You can do this."

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They'd eventually opted for Kaz and Jesper to swim on one plank and Wylan and Inej on the other.

"But..." Inej had protested, desperate. Her eyes were pleading, flicking towards Kaz. Jesper tensed, but he was firm in his decision.

"Look, Inej, trust me, it'll just work better," Jesper had countered, though looking at Kaz with worry.

Inej had looked like she wanted to say something else but eventually relented.

"Okay, just make sure you guys are close to us," Inej had finally said.

Distinctly, in the back of his mind, Wylan knew they were in the ocean. Distinctly, he knew Inej was there with him, and he had a plank to give him support. But now, all he could see was himself swimming in the canal, running from Miggson and Prior.

He thrashed around, trying to get as far away from the boat as he could. His lungs filled with water as he gulped for air. Keep going. Keep going, he thought, a mantra in his head. It was the only thing that kept him floating, but now, even that couldn't help him. He felt himself sinking deeper and deeper even as he cried out for help. He'd lost hope and let out a final sob as the rest of his lungs filled with water. Distinctly, he heard a girl shouting, seeming frantic. "...Wylan!" she seemed to scream.

Wylan felt the waves coming over his head and submerge him. He willed himself to be calm as water started to go into his nose. Before he choked on the water, Inej pulled him and their shared wooden board out. After he coughed out the water wracking his lungs, Wylan rasped, "Thank you."

Inej gave Wylan a concerned glance. "Of course, Wylan. Let's keep paddling."

They tried to swim as close to Jesper and Kaz as much as possible. In the hurried scuffle, Kaz had lost his cane and was attempting to swim, although he was doing so while constantly grimacing. Wylan looked closer. Kaz's eyes were closed.

"Jesper! Is Kaz okay?"

Jesper sighed, but a look of utter fright seemed to possess him. "I tried to pull him out of it, but I couldn't do anything. He was hyperventilating and he passed out. I'll take care of him. I can manage."

Wylan patted his back to see whether he still had his bag. It was the only thing he could decide to get and luckily he hadn't unpacked much on the ship. It kept weighing him down, but like in the canal, he couldn't make himself get rid of it.

After what felt like hours, his body started to tire from the physical fatigue and stress. Adrenaline and fear can only last so long. He couldn't lose hope, though, not now. He squinted towards the distance and saw something he hadn't seen before.

"Inej...is that?" Wylan started, simultaneously hoping could it be while not letting his hopes go up for nothing.

"Land! Oh, finally! Thank the Saints!" Inej finished while crying tears of joy. Or maybe that was just the salty ocean water.

Seeing his destination in sight, Wylan kicked harder to get to sweet land faster. He saw Inej and Jesper beside him do the same, Jesper looking down at Kaz to make sure he was fine, fueled by a hope for calm after a storm. Once his feet reached the beach, he raced as far away from the water as he could and decided to listen to his body. He laid down on the beach and promptly passed out.