The Bad Boy, The Bet & Me

Chapter 6: Meetup & Realisations

'Lucy and Liam' are no longer the names of the main characters. Since I thought their names didn't work well with the character. Their names are now, 'Zac and Maddi.' Sorry for the confusion. Xx

It's been 2 weeks since I've spoken to Zac. I try to avoid him as much as possible. Yes, there may be the odd hello, and how's Emily, but before he can even try to properly talk to me, I make up an excuse or just leave straight like that. At least this way he wont be able to know anything about me, at least he'll be able to stay. It's like, the more a person knows me, the more I push them away. Maybe I should just keep my trap shut.

According to my family, I'm not 'well'. My mum thinks it's stress, Elliot thinks I'm depressed but no- one knows the actual reason. I mean what can I tell them?

'Hey guys, the real reason why I'm like this, is because I killed my dad and I have trust issues so I don't think I can ever trust anybody, and I haven't slept in 3 days, but hey no biggie.'

Yeah right.

Right now, I'm sitting on my bed with Ben and Jerry's, watching The Notebook. It's honestly my favourite romance movie ever. The only downside is that it's a very depressing movie towards the end. Just watch it and make sure you have tons of tissues and maybe a friend to cry with.
Cookie dough ice cream is the solution to everything. Births, death, breakups, cheating, exams and even pregnancy. Don't worry, I'm not pregnant!

I've been revising for exams, finally its all done. Most people can't wait to get their results, but I wish they never come. Hope it gets lost in the post and school lost all my exam records. That would be music to my ears. I applied to some colleges which have a course which I want to do. I'm planning on becoming an author. It's my dream. Ever since I was a little girl, I've always wanted to write my own book and sell it to billions of people. My dad always told me I could be everything, and anything I wanted to be if I just believed. I just wish I could hear him say it now.

Honestly, I have no clue why I'm being like this. Nothing adds up in my head and I always go back to the same thing. Zac. Why is he doing this to me? I don't ever let him have the chance of talking to me, although that doesn't stop him trying. I know if I start talking to him, I'm going to break down and I can't afford to do that. I can't make another person go. Not again. When I became depressed and especially after my dad passed, my mum grew very worried of me. She kept trying to talk to me and eventually made me see a psychologist. I hated every moment of it. The way they would ask questions and just try to fix everything in your life by telling you simple answers. The way that they would figure out every nook and cranny in my brain and find a way to make it...click.

She'd ask questions about my dad, about me. Always, she'd make it sound like he died as if it was his fault. It was all my fault. All of it. You see, after I had told my dad about my depression and anxiety, basically how I was feeling, he was always distracted. Every single day. As if he dedicated his life to thinking. He tried to keep everything normal but he couldn't hide it. And before he left for work, he looked at me, and I saw pity in his eyes. My father, felt sorry for me. He tried to smile, he tried to make me feel better but he was always a bad liar. He kissed me on the forehead and gave me his ring. It was a ring which he always wore on his thumb. It was like he knew he was going to die.

That's it. I can't bear to think about what happened next. What he said. How he felt. When he left.

I wipe a stray tear off my cheek and shake my head in disbelief. If I keep going like this, my mum is going to make me go back to that psychologist And I can't. It would tear me apart. Which makes this even more harder. Zac. Even though, I don't want to talk to him, I've been longing to hear his voice. He makes me feel funny and sends tingles everywhere. I don't want to lose the bet with him, if we are still doing it. Like I don't even like him.. I'm pretty sure he doesn't like me.