The Gift of Life

Chapter 11

The day's dragged on as Harry showed less and less enthusiasm for my subject. I watched his hatred for me grow and grow, I heard him whispering in the corridors about how much he hated me. It killed me. Things were made even worse by the fact that he had to be part of the Triwizard tournament. Every single time there was an event my stomach twisted, I felt sick knowing that he might die and that it was partially my fault. I wanted Lily. She would help me to look after him. She would help me, tell me that it wasn't my fault, even though we both knew it was. As the third challenge commenced with Potter entering the maze just after Diggory I could feel something bad occurring. He was in danger. I had to warn Dumbledore..
"Professor, the boy is not safe in there. Something bad is happening in there right now, I can feel it sir. Let me go in and retrieve him, please. Don't let him die, I'm begging you."
"You hate the child Severus. Why does this matter to you? He is safe, there is staff on every side of the maze keeping an eye on all of them." I grumble at his reply.. I feel god awful. I need to leave.

I walk away from the stands, my robes falling dead to the ground. I hate myself for the pain I continue to cause him and Lily. My heart pounds heavily my eyelids beginning to sag. I knew what I had to do, I knew what would make his life better and safer.

-

I sit in my office, the ingredients sat on the table, their aroma filling the room with a beautiful scent. This is always how I imagined my end, a potions room filled with the sweet smell of powdered moonstone filling my nostrils. My eyes slowly fill with the tears I've been repressing for the last few years... Their salty taste prickling my mouth as I begin to create Potion No. 86. I had dreamt of making this draught every day since her death but had refrained on the off chance our child would be better off with me supporting him... But now I knew, he didn't need me, no one did. The brew starts to bubble indicating it is complete. I lift the vile of it to my lips... It's all going to be over...