To Build A Home || c.h

Chapter 19

Calum's POV:

I stand there staring at the instrument for what seems like ages. How the h.ell did it get here? Did my mom seriously send it over? Why? Did I ask for it? No. Then why is it here?! What made her think that I wanted it?!

"When do you have to go to the group therapy?" Aunt Carol asks, bringing me out of my somewhat angry thoughts.

"Uhm, at six," I mutter, still staring at the bass guitar. "How did that get here?"

"What? Oh, your mother shipped it over a couple of weeks ago, it just took some time to get here," she smiles. "Are you hungry honey? You know what, scratch that, I'm just going to make dinner."

As she walks away, I step into the small room and sit down on the bed. I pick up the bass and place it on my lap while looking down at it. This is the first time I've even touched it in five months.

I always used to play with Jake. He played the guitar, and he had amps and everything set up in his basement, so we could spend hours down there just playing. Those moments were some of our absolute best because the world would just disappear and the only thing that mattered was our music and us.

We both started playing at the same time. I remember how we begged our parents to buy us the instruments and let us go to classes, and I remember how they thought we would just quit after a couple of months, but they were wrong. We didn't quit. We played and we played and we played until we didn't want to go to classes anymore because we didn't need them.

At first we both s.ucked, and we s.ucked for a very long time before we finally improved, and even though our parents never said it out loud, I knew that they didn't think we would get anywhere with the instruments. That didn't make them any less supportive, though, they always encouraged us to do what made us happy. All we ever wanted was to be happy. Who knew that doing what made us happy would be the end of him.

Maybe that's what makes me so scared of being happy again? I only want to be happy if I'm with my best friend, and I'm afraid to let him down if I move on and become happy again without him. I don't deserve to be happy when he can't...

My quiet sobbing is what brings me out of my thoughts in the end. I don't even notice that I'm crying before sounds start escaping my lips. The bass falls to the ground as my sobbing grows louder, and I feel my heart rate increase while I get a bit light headed.

"Calum? Oh my god, Calum! What happened?" my aunt says, her voice laced with panic as she rushes over to me.

"I-I think I'm having a-a panic attack," I manage to choke out between the sobs while I look down at my shaking hands. My vision blurs due to the endless tears that are forming in my eyes.

"Okay, come on, get up," she says and puts her arm around me, helping me up. I don't know what she's doing, but I don't really care. Claudia said I can prevent panic attacks by distracting myself and such when I feel them coming, and I can't take another panic attack right now, so I'm open for anything.

"Just focus on my voice Calum, everything is going to be okay," she says to me while she leads me to the kitchen and helps me over to a chair. She's surprisingly calm now. She's still slightly panicking, but I can tell that she's trying her hardest to hide it.

"I'm making pizza, you like pizza right?" she asks me and opens the freezer. I take a deep, staggering breath and nod, trying hard to stop crying and shaking.

"I-I love pizza," I mutter as she hands me an ice cube. What the h.ell?

"Just hold it in your palm until you can't hold it anymore, and then you switch it over to your other hand and so on. Just repeat the process," she explains and I nod along and do as I'm told. I quickly understand why she told me to do it; the coldness of the ice cube takes my mind away from the panic attack.

"The pizza will be done in about twenty minutes. I didn't know what you like as topping, so I just made a regular pepperoni pizza, I hope that's okay?" she asks while she pulls out a chair and sits down right in front of me. I know that she's asking me a lot of questions on purpose to make me talk and think about something else, but how does she even know what she's supposed to do in this situation?

"Yeah, th-that's fine." I close my eyes and bow my head down, holding on to the ice cube as if it's the only thing keeping me alive. I take deep breaths—or at least I try—while I do my best to relax and focus on the ice cube and the conversation. As the ice cube slowly melts, water escapes my tight grip and falls to the floor, but it doesn't seem like Aunt Carol cares, so I don't do anything about it.

"I don't know if you know this, but I used to draw a lot when I was younger before life got too complicated," she laughs quietly, "and I loved to draw people. Do you want to see some of my drawings? I actually drew you when you were just a baby."

I nod and hear her walking away and returning a couple of seconds later. I reluctantly open my eyes and look up. She sits down on her seat again and places several papers on the table.

"Let me see... Here it is! This is you when you were only five months old," she smiles proudly and places a drawing of baby-Calum in front of me. I must admit that I'm impressed, the drawing is amazing!

"Y-you drew this?" I ask her while looking at it with wide eyes.

"Yeah, I was a bit of an artist back then," she laughs mildly and shows me some of the other drawings. Most of them are drawings of people, but she also has some nature paintings and drawings.

"This was one of my best friends when I was in my early twenties," she tells me and points at a drawing of a young woman. It's a black and white drawing, and the model is sitting on a chair and looking out of the window. I study it for a long time, taking in each and every detail.

"What made you stop?" I ask my aunt without looking away from the drawing.

"What made me stop drawing?" she asks and I nod.

"Oh, you know, life got in the way... Suddenly I didn't have time to draw anymore, I had too much going on, and when I finally got time again, the desire to draw was gone," she says with a sigh.

"It's a shame, you're very good," I tell her. She looks at me and smiles softly, and I can tell that what I just said means a lot to her.

"Thank you. Maybe I should start again?" she suggests and I nod in response. She really should. She just looks at me with a smile for a couple of seconds before she gets up. She walks over to the counter and gets a towel before she hands it to me, and it's first now that I realize that I'm feeling fine again. The panic attack actually stopped. I take the towel and dry my ice-cold hands with it while she checks on the pizza.

"We should have just enough time to eat before you have to go to group therapy," she smiles.

"Aunt Carol?" I say immediately after.

"Yes?"

"Thank you." She looks at me and gives me the most genuine and kindest smile I've received in ages.

"No problem honey."

Kind of a filler chapter, idk, but update since 5SOS won yesterday! Great job to all the 5SOS fam who spent their time voting, I'm proud of you and the boys!

I'm really running out of drafts this is not good...

Anyways, you get to know more about Jake in this chapter at least!

I got kinda emotional when I wrote the part about Jake tbh, idek why

What do you think about Aunt Carol?

Do you think Calum has changed since the beginning of the story?

ily guys