To Build A Home || c.h

Chapter 25

Calum's POV:

"Calum!" I hear my mother yell. I look around and see her standing by the exit of the airport, jumping up and down while waving frantically. She looks like a maniac, but I'm so happy to see her that I don't even care. I quickly walk over to her. I barely get the time to put down my bag before she pulls me in for a hug.

"Honey, I've missed you so much!" she says and hugs me tightly.

"Mom, I can't breathe."

"Just a little bit longer."

"I'm choking mom." She finally lets go of me. The smile that's on her face is wider than I've seen it in a long time, and it's contagious because I find myself smiling like a fool as well.

"God, it's so good to have you here with me again," she smiles, almost relieved and looks like she's about to cry any second. I smile and pick up my bag again, but I don't say anything, mostly because I don't know how I feel about being back. I'm happy to see my mom, of course, but I'm kind of reluctant to see my room and all the familiar Sydney streets again.

On the way home I don't really look out of the window, I feel like I'll get a panic attack if I do, so I close my eyes. I don't want all the memories to haunt me, I want to avoid it as long as possible. I feel like I have memories with Jake everywhere, we were always on 'adventures', doing all kinds of random s.hit, so everything holds a memory of him.

"Do you want to get something to eat before we go home?" she asks. I think about how much I despised calling that house my home before I left. I still don't look at it as my home, there's nothing left to call my home there, but it doesn't make me as mad anymore when someone says it is.

"Yeah," I reply, wanting to keep myself occupied for as long as possible. I'm not even hungry, but when I see the happy, small smile on my mother's face I don't even care. A couple of months ago there was no way I would say yes to going out to get something to eat, but things have changed. At least a little bit.

She asks where I want to go and I reply with McDonald's because I feel like eating something greasy and unhealthy, and since I'm finally agreeing to actually eat she doesn't say anything against it. I guess she's just happy to grab something to eat with me again. We used to do this all the time, sometimes with Jake, sometimes only the two of us. Those were the days. God, I never thought I would miss something as silly as going to McDonald's with my mom and my best friend. It really is true what they say, that you don't know what you have until it's gone.

I notice how my mom drives us to a McDonald's I've never even been to before, probably to make sure that I don't have any memories with Jake there, and I thank her a thousand times in my head. We go inside and order, and once we have our food we find an available table and sit down.

We don't talk much while we eat. We've been skyping, so she knows what has been up with me and I know what she's been up to, so there's nothing to say. I mostly try to prepare myself mentally for seeing my house and neighborhood again without breaking down right away, knowing that it's going to be a hard task.

Everything will remind me of him, even small, stupid memories of us checking out girls on the streets will upset me, so on the way home I close my eyes and turn up the volume of the radio, putting all of my focus on it. Radio, radio, radio, radio, radio, radio. I say the word so many times in my head that it starts sounding strange. Ra-di-o. Radi-o. Rad-io. Raaaadio.

"Calum, we're here." I reluctantly open my eyes and let out a small sigh. Alright, time to face everything. I get out of the car and get my bag before I look at the house. It's just like I remember it, and yet it's different. It looks so empty. Maybe it's because all my mom's plants have been removed from behind the windows, or maybe something else is missing, but the house looks like nothing more than a house. Not a home, but just a house.

I follow my mom to the door and we go inside, and I immediately notice how empty it is on the inside as well. Almost everything has already been packed and probably sent, and only the most essential things are left. The couch and TV are still there, fortunately, and I know exactly what I'm going to do for the rest of my stay. I've spent so many hours on that couch with Jake...

"I hope you remember where your room is," my mom jokes.

"Me too," I joke back, simply not feeling like giving a longer answer.

"Okay, go get some rest honey," she laughs mildly and kisses my forehead before she goes into the kitchen. I take a deep breath before I walk down the hall to get to my room. I look ahead of me, but I do my best to avoid seeing because seeing will lead to remembering and remembering will lead to a whole lot of pain.

I enter my room and immediately feel a wave of grief hit me right in the chest. The aching I've grown so familiar with is back, and it feels too physically demanding to stand up, so I plump down on the bed. Jake and I have been in this room so many times doing whatever we wanted to just because we could. We can't anymore...

Even though the room is pretty much empty, all the memories are still there. All the memories that are going to haunt this room forever, even when I've moved out for good, all the memories that were once so happy, they're going to stay forever, and I know it. The only thing I can do is to learn to love them again, but I don't know if I'll ever be able to do that.

I remember the time he told me about his first kiss when we were 13. And I remember the time I told him about mine, around a year later. Both times we were in this room. At that time, none of us were ladies men, we wanted to be, but unfortunately we weren't. Still he was more successful with women than I was, but that was only until we started getting really good at our instruments and showed off. Girls flocked around us as if they were hungry lions and we were pieces of meat, but we didn't really mind, we enjoyed it.

The constantly-getting-chicks-phase only lasted for a while, but after that we both fell on the same line, getting equally as much attention from the opposite gender. Maybe it was because of our instruments; maybe it was because of puberty, but it didn't really matter. Now we had each other and chicks, what else could two teenagers want? Nothing as far as we knew!

F.ucking h.ell I miss him so f.ucking much, f.uck, f.uck, f.uck. Why can't you just f.ucking come back Jake?! I swear I would do anything-

"Calum, darling, are you okay?" My mom's concerned voice interrupts my thoughts, causing me to look up abruptly and through teary eyes. My cheeks are wet, I can feel it, but I can't understand when I started crying. How long have I been sitting here? I look out of the window. The sky is way darker than when I came in here. Where did the time go?

"Uhm, yeah," I mutter, quickly wiping away the tears and sniffling quietly.

"Are you sure?" she asks, standing right above me with her hands on my cheeks now, forcing me to look up at her. Her face holds a small frown while her brown eyes look down at me in concern.

"I'm sure," I say and add small nod and a poor attempt at a smile. I'm not okay, and we both know it. She sighs quietly and kisses my forehead, her lips lingering there for a couple of seconds. It's obvious that she has missed me but not my bullshit. I can't blame her.

"Do you want to come and watch a movie in the living room? We can pop some popcorn and bring our blankets and pillows out like we did when you were younger," she smiles, but I can see that she's hesitant about asking. We have one of those sofa beds and we often used to be up as long as possible when we had the chance to watch movies and eat popcorn out there.

Mom is probably expecting me to say that it's stupid, but surprisingly enough I don't think it is. I think I need this right now, I need a distraction, and some quality time with my mom won't hurt, right? So I say yes, and the brightest smile spreads across her face, and just by seeing her expression I immediately feel better, because seeing that I can make her this happy gives me a little bit of something I haven't had in a long time. It gives me hope, and even if it's just the slightest bit of it, it's enough to keep me going for the rest of the night.

~~~

So this chapter is a little bit longer than usual (and by that I really just mean a little bit lol) 

Feel free to tell me what you think, I'm not really sure how I feel about the chapter myself but oh well

Oh and I hope you have a nice Halloween c:

ily guys