To Build A Home || c.h

Chapter 31

Calum's POV:

"Hey, uhm, you were supposed to be at Ashton's place half an hour ago, so we thought you might have overslept. Anyways, get here as soon as possible."

"Hey, Calum, we're leaving soon. Call back when you can."

"Calum, where are you? We seriously have to go soon, hurry up!"

"F.ucking h.ell, Calum, if you're ditching us, I swear I'm going to kill you!"

The voicemails just keeps on rolling in, and I can't help but to listen to them while laying in bed. I've had three panic attacks the last twelve hours because of the gig, and I know I should have been there a long time ago, but just thinking about it makes me feel sick.

I've barely moved today, I've been feeling like s.hit ever since I went to bed last night (not that I slept, though). The only thing I can think about is the gig, and the people I'm letting down, and the fact that for once I was feeling like not being an a.sshole, but most of all I think about how incredibly nervous I am. All day I've been trying to convince myself to go, but it just doesn't work.

My mom and aunt would have forced me to go if they were here, but they went to our house this morning to unpack the rest of our things. They probably think I've already left, and I actually wish that they were here to make me get up. I really don't want to disappoint everyone, but it seems inevitable right now. It's like I'm cursed to be a huge disappointment for the rest of my life.

My phone buzzes non-stop beside me, but I don't even look at it anymore. I stare up at the ceiling instead, trying to drown out all my negative thoughts.

Just think about something else. Anything, really, just not about how much of a f.uck up you are. No wait, now I'm thinking about it. Dammit, no, think about something else! Think about... Dogs. Yes, dogs. Milo was pretty cute. Maybe I should ask whether we can get a dog—

"Calum, you piece of s.hit, why are you still at home?" My head snaps towards the door, and there stands Alaska, looking at me with rage filling her eyes. Oh s.hit.

"I-uhm—"

"No, I don't even care why, just get your ass up and do what you promised!" she nearly yells, cutting me off. It isn't the first time she's yelling at me, but it still feels weird. I can easily imagine Michael yelling at me, but not Alaska.

"I-I can't... I've had three panic attacks since I went to bed yesterday and just thinking about the gig makes me want to throw up out of nervousness..." I say, stuttering slightly. She doesn't seem affected at all by what I just said.

"I'm not going to feel sorry for you, Calum. I feel sorry for the boys who are panicking because their bassist isn't there right before their gig, but I don't feel sorry for you. I understand that you're stressed, but so are they and you promised you'd help them out!" she says. I can tell that she's disappointed with me, and I feel even more guilty than before. They all put their trust in me and I let them down.

"But what if I f.uck up?" I ask quietly, my voice almost cracking. I look at her with slightly teary eyes. She keeps her stare cold and hard for a couple of seconds before she gives in and sighs quietly, her face softening.

"I've heard you Calum, and you're great, you won't fuck up," she says in a reassuring tone. "But we have to leave right now; we don't have a lot of time."

I take a deep breath and nod. I get up and quickly get dressed before fixing my hair. I grab my bass and we go out to her car, and the entire time I chant the words 'you can do it' in my head.