Save Me From My Self Destruction. (Frerard)

Chapter 3- Minds Function Like Clockwork

Minds Function Like Clockwork:

When I opened my eyes in the morning I was automatically blinded by the sunlight that poured through my window. I hated the sun, it has been my biggest enemy for as long as I can remember. I definitely was not a morning person, I lived for the moon and the stars.

But that was the thing about this facility, you were never allowed out after dark. I never got to just sit and watch the stars or stare at the moon outside, a burning cigarette between my middle and index fingers. I never got to experience star gazing on a warm blanket outside in the chilly night time air.

But this morning was an exception because Mikey was in my room. I didn't have time to curse at the sunlight or even attempt to sneak a morning cigarette inside by opening my window. Mikey was here, he didn't need to see me in my addicted state towards my sacred pack of smokes. He didn't need to know how fucked his brother's lungs were or how weak I was. What Mikey needed was a big brother who was strong and could fight through all of this shit despite the past we've had.

"Morning Gee," Mikey yawned, rubbing at his eyes harshly with the palms of his hands. His hair was a tangled mess and his clothes wrinkled, but he was still my cute little brother.

"Morning Mikey," I smiled in his direction per usual, running a hand through my own tangled black hair.

I ignored the shooting pain in my back as I stretched. I had slept in an odd position last night. Well, technically, numerous odd positions because I kept tossing and turning on the floor. I was uncomfortable, but Mikey was comfortable and got a good nights sleep like he needed and that was all that mattered. Mikey mattered the most, and I put his needs over my own.

I could never feel the way I do about Mikey towards anyone else. I hated the whole human population, everyone in society, they were everything I rebelled against. When I was younger, before the facility days, I loved the world. It felt like it was just yesterday, but now I hate everything. I didn't feel the happiness or love anymore.

"Are we going to the fair?" Mikey asked, his eyes gleaming in excitement. Mikey was a generally happy kid and if there was a god, I thanked him every day that Mikey was okay.

I got off the floor and searched through my closet for clothes to wear. Something tight and black, something that would reflect my attitude.

After I decided on a faded dark grey band shirt and black skinny jeans, I walked out of my tiny closet and stripped down to my boxers. "Of course we are," I said as I tugged on a pair of jeans and a shirt.

I watched as Mikey left my room, going to get ready and look "presentable" as he worded it. And with him being gone, leaving me alone for at least 5 minutes, I grabbed my pack of smokes and cracked the bedroom window open.

I sat on the floor and leaned against the wall behind me, breathing in the addicting nicotine. Usually, I smoke outside so there is no way for me to get caught, but at this particular moment I just didn't give a fuck. I went hours without having a cigarette, and I couldn't deal with the craving any longer.

And as I smoked that cigarette down to a stub I smashed it against a patch of flooring that didn't have carpet on it, rubbing the cigarette out. Then, like usual, I lit up another. As I do, I wondered if my parents had a smoking addiction just like me. But of course, I pushed those thoughts to the back of my mind, they were the least of my priorities.

"Gerard!" I heard Mikey yell. I quickly smashed the second cigarette out and put the small leftover stub in my jeans pocket, hiding the nicotine packed tube. From my years of smoking and seldom drinking, I always hid it from Mikey. He had no clue.