Save Me From My Self Destruction. (Frerard)

Chapter 16- Let Me In.

Let Me In.-

I let the warm water wash over me. It filled me, and I felt like the warm water was thawing out my heart. I guess that is one of the reasons why I prefer hot water over cold water any day. The soap was soft, I lathered it all over my body to rid myself of the stench of drugs, alcohol, and the rain. 

I loved the rain though. It was a calm storm that raged on. It fit my personality in all ways possible. It could be violent, calm and relaxing, it was my favorite thing about the weather. The rain was a friend of mine, calming me down when I didn't think calm for me could be accomplished. I loved the rain. 

As I was starting to rinse off the soap with my eyes closed I heard the door open and then shut again. There was shuffling around and I suddenly felt panicked and insecure. My heart was in my throat and I was terrified. I just hoped Frank's mom didn't come home early and that who was in the bathroom with me. 

I took a deep breath and released it, "Frank?" I said as soon as I gathered the confidence I needed to speak out. "It's me, calm down." He responded. I released a sigh of relief and gathered myself. I then proceeded to finish rinsing off my body and then I just stood there. 

The curtain was thrown back quickly to reveal Frank. I stared at him in all of my naked glory, not knowing what the fuck to do. He just stood there, and I looked down. He was holding the Cocaine in his hand. 

"Listen," I started, trying to think of a way to reason with him. I tried to think of a logical explanation for this, but I couldn't. Not in time anyway. 

He didn't look enraged, he didn't show any over whelming emotion. He just stood there, holding the light weight baggy in his left hand. He held his right hand up at me, signaling me to not talk. I sighed again, this time not in relief. I awaited the wrath that was soon to come. 

"Why?" He asked softly, "Why would you destroy yourself like this?" He asked with a calm, forceful tone. His voice was like sweet music to my ears, and every time I found myself getting lost, I knew I could follow his angelic voice to bring me back again. 

"It helps," Is all I said before looking to my feet. Destroying myself. That's all I thought about. Destroying myself. Was I 'destroying myself?' I thought I was pretty damaged to begin with. 

"You need help, it gets harder," he stated before throwing the curtain back, leaving me alone in the water that was turning colder by the second. "I'll get better," I whispered, knowing he couldn't even hear me. 

I exited the shower to see a neat stack of clean, dry clothes Frank had left for me. The baggy I once possessed was missing, leading me to the conclusion that Frank had took it with him. I groaned, for once I just wanted to be in control of my life, I wanted to not be so useless, I wanted to be visible, for someone to care. I was going insane here, and I was so lost in a simple can and a bag. 

As I walked out of the bathroom Frank was nowhere in sight, not in the living room, kitchen, but then I retreated to his bedroom where I had guessed he had went off to. I opened the door slowly, peeking my head inside to confirm my thoughts. There he was, eyes closed, laying on the bed. I entered the dimly lit room and shut the door behind me. I just stood there, in the center of his room observing him. I glanced at each strand of his long hair as it was a frame for his peaceful face, I stared at his bare chest, then my eyes travelled to his short legs that were also bare. He looked so innocent, the exact opposite of me. 

"Are you gonna join me, or just stand there?" He mumbled, keeping his eyes shut. I chuckled at him and took a deep breath. Every step I took towards him slowly was painful. He was worth so much more than me, I was nothing. I was just obsessed. 

Frank slid over as I sat on the edge of his bed, getting ready to lay down beside him. I felt him tug on the clean t-shirt I had just changed into after my shower. "Take it off, it's more comfortable like that," He groaned, scootching a little closer. I took another deep breath, having this sensation of pure anxiety fill me up. 

I slid the shirt off my body and laid down, thanking the fucking heaven's he didn't ask me to take my pants off. Which, I guess it didn't really matter, he has already seen my most vulnerable parts. I felt Frank wrap his small arms around me, his breath hitting the top of my ribs. It was relaxing, and I felt my anxiety wash away. 

"Gerard," He whispered softly, making my heart race. 

"Yes, Frank?" I asked, equally as soft. He lifted his head up and looked into my shitty eyes momentarily, and I looked into his green, hazel, golden eyes that held my whole universe. Frank was my whole universe. 

"Kiss me," and really, that's all it took. My heart swelled up with overwhelming love and affection, a feeling fairly foreign to me. 

I sat up slightly, grabbing his face and pulling it towards mine. I let the moment last, as his sweet lips danced along with mine. 

When we parted I looked into Frank's eyes, "Something inside is wrong," I stated, he looked at me, a look that told me I was right. He shook his head, attempting to deny what I had said. "I'm not asking, you're not telling." I sighed, my eyes never leaving his. I kissed his soft lips one more time before parting again to give him a reassuring smile. Maybe everything could be okay. 

"My favorite song is Can't Help Falling in Love by Elvis, did you know that?" He turned back towards me with a small smile playing on his lips, changing the subject completely. I smiled back at him, watching how his eyes reflected the light just perfectly. 

"No, you never told me that. I don't really listen to music much. When I was younger I used to draw a lot, but that's about it." I admitted to the shirtless boy in front of me. 

I don't have many hobbies, now it's just me sinking in a world of fabulous drugs and alcohol. The boy addicted to drugs is sloppy, silly, sluggish, sometimes unconscious, self-pitying. However, he's not dead, he only looks that way.