Save Me From My Self Destruction. (Frerard)

Chapter 6- Don't Say I Never Warned You.

Don't Say I Never Warned You.-

I was never one to mull on depressing thoughts, or maybe I was. But I felt like I was in a movie, and this was the cliche scene. The part where the teenager's head feels like a war zone, they tip toe around and sneak through the land so they don't get shot or blown up.

And right now, my head was exactly like a war zone and this was the cliche moment. It was about 5:00Am, freezing cold and way too early for someone my age to be awake. But here I was, my eye lids peeled open as I watched the outside world in slow motion through my foggy bedroom window.

I felt like I was struggling for air, or I was just struggling in general. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that I was currently smoking. But I felt like I was dying, breathing in chemicals.

The helpers were showing up for their day time shifts. They all looked sleep deprived with bags under their eyes. I felt sorry for them, mostly. They had to babysit a bunch of brats, especially me. I was probably the biggest brat in the whole facility. But that was me, Gerard Way, and being a brat is what I do best.

I decided to put my cigarette out and lay down on my bed for once. I stared at the ceiling, the popcorn texture with white paint slapped on it wasn't very interesting. So I thought about Frank, I thought about his addiction to cemeteries. I dissected every word the guy said to me, taking it all in deeply. His eyes came to my mind, they were a dark green color mixed with hazel with swirls of gold in them. And I smiled.

Frank's eyes were filled with light and life, he felt vaguely familiar to me. Frank made me feel at ease, I wasn't tense or stressed near him. He felt as familiar as Mikey. Speaking of which, the small and quiet knocks of Mikey erupted from my door.

"Come in Mikes," I sat up with a smile on my face. Despite my sleep deprivation I was always happy to see Mikey.

My door creaked open slowly, allowing me to see Mikey's face. He walked into my room and gently pushed the door closed behind him. He didn't say anything as he sat on the other end of my bed, facing me. He was silent, chewing on the inside of his cheek, looking at me with a weird expression.

My smile fell, it was 5:00Am, Mikey was awake, silent, and chewing on the inside of his mouth. My big brother instincts kicked in, so I made the first line for conversation. "Is everything okay, Mikey?" I whispered, hoping he wasn't hurt or anything.

"No," he sighed, "well, sort of." I watched as he shrugged his shoulders and thought out his next sentence. "Gerard what does love feel like?" He said quickly, looking into my eyes with a pleading look.

"Oh, well it's sort of like..." I trailed off, "it's like uhh.." I didn't know. I've never experienced love, not once in 16 years. And for once, I didn't know what to say to Mikey. What does love feel like?

"What are you feeling, Mikey?" I decided to ask him, he chewed on his lip some more and then grinned. "It's Kristin. I don't know, her eyes reflect the light so they sparkle and her hair is just the right color and its so long and smells good. She's smart, funny, pretty, and...Gerard, I think I'm in love with her." He smiled as he recalled Kristin and her apparent beauty.

I adored my little brother and I adored the fact that he's happy and smiling, but I pitied him. He's gonna have his heart smashed into shambles at only 12 years old. He wasn't in love, it was nothing but a small feeling of liking. Maybe Mikey felt this way because he was lonely, but he wasn't in love.

"Oh, Mikey," I didn't try to hide the sorrow in my voice, "This isn't love." I whispered, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder. Almost instantly Mikey's shoulders fell and his happiness was gone.

"You're going to get your heart broken, love isn't easy. It never works out." I whispered again, watching as my brother looked down at his lap silently.

"You know, I thought you'd be happy for me. What are you hiding from?" He yelled, shocking me. He was gritting his teeth and his hands were balled into fists. "I hate you." And there it was, the words that were draggers stuck right into my shallow heart.

And then, he left. For hours I sat on my bed watching out my bedroom window. Mikey was sitting in the grass, across from Kristin. I could see the small group of flowers in Mikey's hands, he smiled as he gave them to her. I even watched as Kristin blushed a pink color. And the whole time I hurt.

I didn't want my brother to be heart broken, I didn't want him to fall in love with the wrong person. I didn't want her to leave him a mess. I just want Mikey to stay young and clueless for the remainder of his life, he was small and fragile and usually fragile things get broken easily. What if she didn't tend to him with care? I would have to stitch together the broken pieces, because that's what brothers do.

But what he said, how I was hiding from something. I didn't understand, I wasn't hiding from anything. As far as I know. I've come to terms with all my situations with the world and I face them. I think.

I pondered on this as I casually lit another cigarette, inhaling the deadly smoke and closing my eyes. I honestly felt like crying, but I didn't. I knew Mikey would come around. He would see it my way.

But what was I hiding from?