Save Me From My Self Destruction. (Frerard)

Chapter 24- Soft Sheets, Rough Feelings.

Soft Sheets, Rough Feelings.-

I walked into the facility, a new beat in my chest, a new mood present within me and all within the facility. No one had broken the news to Mikey, I knew that much.

I sat down at the breakfast bar across from Adam, the whole building was quiet. I guess Gerard had more if an impact on everyone's lives than he thought he did.

"I want to be the one who tells Mikey, I want to see him." Not only did I want the pleasure of seeing Mikey, but I felt there was a lot to be said between the three of us; Mikey, Gerard, and I.

Adam shook his head, already assuming I would be telling Mikey. He then slid a paper across the hard surface we sat at. It was a paper on Mikey's new life, his new siblings, his new parents, everything. It even had his new address. Adam even agreed to drive me.

I told Adam before we left that I wanted to walk into Gerard's room one last time. I would use the line I need to be closer to him but I have his heart in my chest, how much closer could I get at this point?

As I walked in I felt relieved, everything was almost the same. The staff didn't come in or touch anything, it was all still Gerard's materials, left just where he had put them. It still smelled like him and his smoke.

I sat on his bed, almost as hard as stone but the sheets and comforter were as soft as could be. I took a handful of his blankets and brought them up to my face, taking in his scent again. It was like I could feel him.

It was the exact spot we had our first kiss, and all those emotions rushed back to me. It was heart shattering to know his lips would never be on mine again. I would never feel his greasy hair touch my finger tips, we would never make love again.

But he didn't die a virgin.

I walked over to his desk, Can't Help Falling In Love was still on his YouTube search bar and my heart, also his heart, skipped one more beat ahead.

I continued to walk around, looking at his belongings, feeling everything I could. I even noticed a popped up floor board, making a hole in the floor. It was where he hid all of his cigarettes, his alcohol, even his drugs. I smiled when I looked in there and all I found was an unopened bottle of beer, an untouched bag of coke, and a still closed pack of cigarettes. He did keep his promise. He did get better.

I took the cigarettes and stuff them into my pocket, I flushed the coke down the toilet, and threw away the beer. I cleaned up what was left of his tragic chapter in life, he was free now.

Before I left his room I had the urge to whisper "I love you too," and so I did. It felt good to admit it out loud, it felt fantastic to know he felt the same way.

I took the comforter off his bed and carried it down stairs, in hope of keep it for myself like the greedy bastard I was. I had the comforter in my hand and his favorite blanket in the other.

I met Adam outside, nodding to him as he smiled towards me, opening the back door of his car so I could place the items inside.

I wasn't sure if Adam knew why Gerard had died or not, but to cease the silence I decided to make small talk about him, no matter how depressing it may sound.

"It was for me, you know," I said out of the blue, catching Adam off guard. His eyebrows were furrowed in confusion. "His suicide?" He asked, keeping a steady eye on the road ahead of us.

"Yeah, I told him I had a medical condition, it was my heart. I was on a waiting list for a heart transplant, but there were no hearts that would be compatible for me in line. I was supposed to be dying soon. He died. I have his heart." I said, a lump forming in the center of my throat.

I saw Adam shake his head understandingly. It felt so odd to speak to him so directly, I never spoke to Adam before, especially without Gerard. Despite how much I have been to the facility, this was a first for me. "He really liked you, you know." He smiled, relieving me.

Adam pulled up to a stereo typical family house. Two stories, blinding white siding with stunning blue shutters and a big porch. Another lump formed in my throat, my palms were collecting sweat, and I honestly wasn't sure if I could do this.

Adam nodded his head, nudging me towards the door, a mental note that I had to suck it up. It had to be me to speak to Mikey.

I took a deep breath before turning around in my seat to pick up Gerard's favorite blanket and opening up the car door. Before I started to walk I took a few seconds to stare at the house in front of me. Eventually though, I took steps towards the house.

When I made it to the front door I rang the door bell, awaiting a response that soon came. A nice couple who looked to be in their mid 30's opened the door with smiling faces. I was sweating with anxiousness and smiled back at them. "My name is Frank, I was close with Mikey's brother, Gerard. May I speak with Mikey at all?" I stuttered a little, trying to stay calm.

After maybe 30 milliseconds of hesitation they let me into their house, a house you would never see in my part of Jersey. It was gorgeous inside and out and very clean.

Mikey was sitting on a couch watching a tv show with another little boy who looked about 4 years old. I stepped into the living room, Mikey's adoptive parents watching me closely.

"Mikey, Frank is here." His new mother said, grabbing his attention. Mikey's head turned quickly and flashed me a small smile, gesturing for me to sit across from him on a love seat.

All of a sudden Mikey's eyebrows furrowed, eyeing the blanket in my hand suspiciously and picking up on my evident emotions. "Are you okay?" He asked slowly. It was time.

I sighed, rubbing a hand on my face. "Mikey, I don't know how I am expected to tell you this," his eyes were glued to me. "Just spit it out," he made a sound between a laugh and a worried groan.

"Mikey, Gerard had passed away." I looked him directly in the eyes and I watched as my words slowly began to sink in and shatter him whole. "W-what do you mean? Where is he?" He was spitting out questions rapidly. I heard his adoptive parents gasp.

"Mikey, Gerard killed himself. He's dead." I answered in hushed tone. Tears were brimming his eyes and mine, his adoptive parents quickly escorted the 4 year old away from an "adult conversation" and Mikey and I cried together.

"Why? It's all my fault?" He whispered, his breathing off due to his sobbing.

"Oh no no no, he was sad for awhile, he had issues concerning his mental health. Mikey I had a heart condition I told him I was supposed to die soon because there were no compatible organ donors for me." I explained quickly, someone at Mikey's age was way too vulnerable and young to deal with such a heavy burden of thinking a death was their fault.

"Had?" He asked. I shook my head, "Had. Before Gerard died he made himself an organ donor. I have his heart."

"How did he know he would be compatible?" He asked me, slightly calming down.

I shrugged, I had no idea.

I have Mikey Gerard's favorite blanket and stayed for a few more minutes to catch up, Mikey finally had a home that he deserved.