Save Me From My Self Destruction. (Frerard)

Chapter 22- White Lighter Blues.

White Lighter Blues-

As I woke up the next morning, the blankets thrown off of me and tossed messily on the floor, I knew the day had come. The air was chilly and crisp, a sign that fall would soon be among us.

I rubbed at my tired eyes and lazily walked over to my small computer desk, grabbing a pen and a piece of paper. I was never one to write out what I was thinking, but today I had to. If I wanted Frank to live, I had to write this. I was forced with no other option but to cram every single word I was thinking into a couple dozen lines for Frank.

So I touched the fresh ink of the pen to the paper and began my work. There was no rush, I was in no hurry. I took my time, not missing a single word I had thought. I made ever thought I ever had fit on one piece of paper.

When I had finished I folded the paper up in one swift but careful motion and stuffed my permit into my pocket. I stood from my desk and cracked every bone in my body, making me feel older than what I actually am.

A small smile formed on my lips as I walked out of my bedroom, nodding to the kids and staff I had passed by. I ignored the scrunched eyebrows I got in return, they were confused because I never get up this early. But today was different, today was the day. Today was marvelous.

I had made my way out of the facility and down the sidewalk. I had walked towards the all too familiar building made of dirty brick that smelled like smoke and rebellion. I had turned the corner and smiled to my old friend, Zack.

Zack smiled back, unaware of the events that were about to take place soon. He handed me the objects I had asked for, an odd pair that made me seem like a lunatic. He had interrogated me when I requested he buy me such the unusual pair of items. I had promised I wasn't going to do anything illegal.

I gave him a quick hug, knowing this would change everything. I even acknowledged the man who got me into some hardcore drugs, I nodded to him, forgetting his name. As usual he was holding his beer and smoking his weed.

I decided that one cigarette would not hurt, I was entitled to early celebration. So I leaned against the brick next to Zack, taking my lighter out and lighting one quick cigarette.

As I inhaled and exhaled, I would like to say that it felt good, released all the withdrawal or whatever. But it didn't. It tasted disgusting after so long of being deprived. After 3 drags I was done, I couldn't take the smoke in my lungs anymore. I quickly stomped it out, shoving my lighter back into my pocket.

I then made my way to my final destination, the woods. The exact spot I had gotten drunk if you want the bad memories in this spot, but the same spot Frank and I got intimate, if you wanted something more cheerful.

I sat in the dew covered grass, taking in all nature had to offer. I smelled that after-rain scent, wishing I could bottle it up and use it as a cologne of some sort. But I knew it was nearly impossible to get an exact replica of the scent.

I leaned against the tree, the beautiful object on my left, the horrifying one on my right. But at this exact moment, I felt at ease. I felt peaceful.

I took the piece of paper out of my pocket and set it underneath the beautiful object so the wind wouldn't come and blow it away.

But then it was time. I took the horrifying object in my hand and stared at it, sighing. I was going to save Frank's life.

*****THIRD PERSON POV*****

As the bird's flutter in the sky, scattering in many directions, Frank wondered where their next destination would be. And honestly, he couldn't help but wish he too were a bird himself.

He sluggishly made his way towards the patch of trees he now decided he would call home. Since Gerard showed him the wonderful scenery- and he's not just thinking about the woods- he had become emotionally attached to it. To Gerard and the nature.

He knew Gerard would be here, as he admitted that this was one of his favorite places to be, much different than the cemetery Frank liked. But Frank knew he had to deliver some heart shattering news.

Frank's doctor had called him and his mother, catching her before she went to one of her many jobs. His doctor had informed them that time was running short, he was afraid Frank's waiting list was too long, longer than his expected life span at this point. Frank was for sure going to die.

He hated the fact that he would no longer get to take walks in the cemetery, smell the smokey jersey air, he was also scared of how Gerard's mental state would alter after Frank's sudden death. He wanted the best for Gerard, and he didn't want him to go back to drugs. He wanted Gerard to be okay.

As Frank walked into the patch of trees he could feel the mood change, he felt the silence and an absence of color to the beautiful patch of woods. But he kept walking, a smile plastered to his face. He wanted to be optimistic for Gerard's sake.

As he rounded the corner, coming to the exact spot, there laid Gerard, appearing to be napping. He was slouched against the tree behind him, eerily silent.

Next to Gerard sat a piece of paper with a dozen white roses on top, Frank's favorite. As tears welled up in Frank's eyes at the sight of the beautiful flowers he decided to take a seat next to Gerard.

As Frank sat down and looked over at his stunningly beautiful boyfriend he couldn't help but notice his pale complexion and the blood dripping from his head. Frank's heart jumped to his throat.

The blood on the left side of Gerard's head was not noticeable to Frank when he walked into the woods, as the blood looked more dry and mixed well and was hidden by Gerard's greasy dark hair.

But now he noticed. Gerard was dead. By the gun laying in Gerard's limp hand Frank made the conclusion that he shot himself, he committed suicide. The tears began to flow down his cheeks as his body started to shake.

Frank set down the white roses and then picked up the piece of paper.

"I was like water color, transparent, and you were the water that blended all my colors. Together we were a masterpiece. I was never one to show my true colors, but I guess you brought them out on me and made them so vibrant. I lived without my parents, I had adjusted to my brother hating me. But I've grown too attached. Of course I was broken hearted when my parents abandoned Mikey and I, of course I was devastated when the only family member I had left left me. For years I've searched for a place I could call my home, which was not that god awful facility. However, I am too attached to you. I can not stand to see you die, I won't, I refuse. After all my searching I learned that my home is not a place, but instead a person. My home is you. You have so much to see and I know you probably think I'm a selfish bastard, I'm sorry. I wanted to believe that I was able to help someone, I was meant for more than just self-destruction. In a world of all things shitty, you were my light in the darkness, but there was no saving me. Please don't be upset, you will always have my heart. I love you!
'Wise men say, only fools rush in,'
XOXO GERARD"

Frank's tears began to drip onto the paper at a rapid pace, smudging the writing just a tad. He then wiped off his soaked cheeks and reached into his pocket, dialing 911.

After Frank gave the dispatcher his location and summary of the situation at hand he leaned over and gave his boyfriend one last kiss goodbye.

That day, Gerard died with a white bic lighter in his pocket.