When the dead roam - (Daryl Dixon)

Chapter 119 - Condolences

The sun rose over the gates of the Hilltop and Louise was still sat next to the graves of her friends. Despite the lingering numbness that vibrated through her butt and the bottom half of her legs from having them crossed over each other, she couldn't muster the strength to move. Staying there was a need, not a want. She had to be closer to them, even for just another moment but that moment turned into hours and even as the burning heat began to sting the exposed skin of her arms, she remained fixated on the wooden crosses.

She inhaled slowly and exhaled even slower, as if controlling her breathing would somehow make everything right - that it would somehow bring some form of clarity in their deaths, in Carl's death, but all it did was make her more and more angry. They'd tried to make The Saviours pay and it had backfired. They'd probably slaughtered ten's of innocent people for no reason. Their enemy was free again. What more could they do?

Lou closed her eyes as tightly as she could and willed the tears to fall but nothing happened. There was no way for her to sanely process anything and just as she was about to begin punching the ground beneath her, a voice cut her thoughts like scissors through string.

"Hey..." Rick sighed as she sat down on the dirt beside her. The skin around his eyes was bright and puffy, like he'd cried as much as he could until his eyes physically couldn't take it anymore. He was disheveled and covered in an alarming amount of 'walker' blood that seemed to coat almost ever part of his shirt.

Lou smiled softly at him. "When did you get here?"

"Not too long ago" he said. His hand clutched at the grass beside him and he pulled it out slowly, piece by piece. "Everyone keeps askin' me how I'm feelin'"

She pursed her lips and nodded. "That's 'cause they care, Rick"

A coarse chuckle left him. "You haven't asked"

"Cause I know how you feel. Loosing a child is...there's nothing that could ever make that right, Rick" she swallowed the lump in her throat and brought her knees up to her chest to wrap her arms around them. "A parent should never bury their child"

Rick sniffled, his feelings threatening to take over his entire body before he shook them off and reached into his back pocket. He pulled out a white envelope that was slightly battered at the edges and had a small dusting of dirt on the top. Cautiously, he tapped it off his palm a few times, his head battling the thoughts in his mind until he eventually decided to explain.

"Carl wrote letters..." he said. It was only then that she noticed her name written on the front in block capitals. "There's one for you, Lou"

All words escaped her. She couldn't think of a single good reason that would justify why Carl - the sweetest young man she'd ever met - would write her a letter. She gulped and shook her head. "I don't uh...why?"

"I think he wanted to say goodbye in his own way"

The Sheriff wiped the tear that tipped over his waterline.

"But why me?"

"Because he loved you. You're-you were his family" he cleared his throat and held it out for her shaking hand to take. It felt like lead in her fingertips. "He asked me to stop fighting. He wanted a better world where the Saviours and our people lived in peace...do you think that's possible?"

God, she felt sick. Would Carl have hated her now for what they'd done?

A sharp breath left her lungs. "I uh...I don't know, Rick"

After the longest pause, he replied. "Me either"

The two sat in the silence that followed, Lou's eyes burning holes in the letter that sat on her lap. She couldn't bring herself to pick it up let alone read its contents know what it meant. Rick seemed to understand and he wrapped an arm around her shoulder and let her drop into him as she wiped her nose with the back of her hand.

"I'm sorry, Rick" she said softly. He nodded slowly and rubbed his palm up and down her bicep.

"Me too"

After a few minutes, she straightened back out and wiped her cheeks with her palms. "It's funny...you used to hate me and now look at us"

"I never hated you" he said but he couldn't hide the smile that crept onto his otherwise solemn face.

Lou scoffed. "You threatened me more than once"

"I was protecting my group"

"You were being an ass"

He smiled at her, genuinely, for the first time in days and he instantly understood what she was doing. There always had to be someone to keep you grounded in traumatic events and she was trying to be that person for him, to offer him moments of laughter in the time when his every waking thought was of his dead son. Rick was thankful.

"Okay fine" he conceded. "But in my defence, you were temperamental"

There was no good defence for that so she shook her head and smirked at him.

"I'm glad you're in my life, Sherif Woody"

He tapped her knee. "Me too...but don't ever call me that again"

A sigh left his lips and he climbed to his feet, offering his hand to her but pulling it away as she politely declined. His eyes dropped to the letter that still sat, unopened in her lap and he bit the inside of his cheek as he thought of how many other people he'd have to deliver one too. Daryl. Maggie. Carol. Enid. What would theirs say?

"Listen, if you're gonna stay out here, at least cover your shoulders" he picked up her jacket from the ground and hung it over her thin frame. "You'll burn otherwise"

She chuckled and looked up at him. "What? You mean you don't have SPF?"

The sarcastic tone was enough to make him roll his eyes and he began his walk back into the common grounds of Hilltop. He didn't look back as he replied. "Smart ass"

Only when he was safely out of view did she pick up the paper and slide her finger underneath the seal. Nothing would ever prepare her for what she was about to read and she wasn't sure, if given the choice again, that she'd have the courage to read it knowing what it entailed. She was right to think it bared a lot of weight because Carl Grimes was nothing if not persistent and even in death, he knew how to shake her to her very core.