Gary and Libby - Take One

Chapter Forty Seven

Im sat in the back of the taxi, tears streaming down my face. I cant believe I just did that. I can't believe I just walked out on Gary. I can't believe I just carried on and packed my stuff while he cried and begged me not to go. Oh well done Libby. Well fucking done. I told him not to call, or come round. Oh what the fuck was I thinking?! I now I've lost him- for good. And now, well now I've got to bring Gary Barlows child up on my own.
How did everything get to be so god damn fucked up?
Im never going to see him again. Thats it. Hes gone, for good. I think the taxi has pulled up outside my house. but im not sure because i cant see through all the tears. I wipe my eyes and tumble up to the front door.

But then it's okay, because his lips are on mine, his fingers twisting in my hair, pulling me closer towards him. I feel the warmth of his body agaisnt mine and I warp my arms around his neck as our tongues collide, exploring each others mouths. His hands slip down, down my body, over my hips to the waistband of my jeans.I feel him, solid against my thigh. He wants me! He wants me, its okay! I loosen his tie and begin to undo his shirt buttons, leaving gentle kisses down his chest as I go. But then hes slipping away! I cant let him go! I can't loose him, not again....

I sit bold up right in bed, wiping the tears from my eyes. I sit for a minuet in the dark of my room, the curtains are drawn so i have no idea what time it is. My sleeping pattern is non existent at the moment, however i reckon its about haf eight in the evening. I wait for my heartbeat to steady. Slowly, i reach my hand over to the bedside table and fumble with the lap until it turns on. My heart stings with disappointment when i realise i am once again in bed alone. Theres no Gary. There never was. He was never here. He hasnt been here for two weeks.
I feel the tears burning once again in the backs of my eyes. Two whole weeks. I havent seen Gary in two whole weeks. Ive spent two weeks walking around the house in his burgundy t-shirt, crying because i dont know why i was such a stupid bitch to let him go.
I pick my phone up. And there it is again. That stabbing pain in my heart when i have to realise that he hasnt text or called. Its half past eight. I should get some food.

I pad down the stairs, wrapping my self in my dressing gown because its freezing cold. I contemplate just reaching for the chocolate bar on the side, but i decide not to because that wouldnt be fair. Its not just me that id be affecting. Instead, shakily, i pour a bowl of cereal because its the quickest and easiest thing to do, and trapes back through to the living room. I flick the TV on, just to create some background noise really. Im not paying attention. I cant.

"...Gary Barlow..."

I nearly throw my cereal across the room as i snap out of my trance and glue my eyes to the TV. There he is. Theres Gary. Waltzing his way down some red carpet. My heart stops. I dont even have the chance to stop the tears as they cascade down my cheeks. I stifle a sob and force myself to keep watching.
Gary is stood there. On my TV screen, with his arm wrapped around another womans waist. Hes holding her tightly. The way he used to hold on to me when we went out. Hes smiling and laughing with the interviewer, his fingers digging into the fabric of the womans dress. And here was me, sat here thinking me might be slightly upset over the whole thing. Just slightly maybe? But no. Hes not even remotely upset. Who was i kidding?!
I take another look at the woman. Shes done nothing to me, yet i cant help but hate her. Who the fuck is she? I cant help but notice she looks a little like me, a lot like me in fact, but happier, fuck loads happier. The tears are pooling in my eyes again. Thats it isnt it? I was just a type. He cant have loved me, not really. Not if he cant move onto the next one just like that and im sat here sobbing my eyes out a fortnight later. I snuggle further into the dressing gown and cry until i cant really cry anymore...

***
A loud knock at the door wakes me form my sleep. I sit up, my back hurts, im on the sofa. Light pours through the windows, its the morning. I must have slept right through the night. The sound of someone knocking on the door again rings through my ears. I jump up from the sofa, my heart racing. Could it be? Could it actually be him? I practically run the the front door and swing it open. My heart sinking even more. No. Not Gary, just the post man whose now making his way back down my drive.
"Hey!" I jog out, calling after him so he turns around.
"Morning!" I smiles, "Parcel for you."
I take it off him, my hopes sky high once more, just to come crashing back down and stabbing me in the heart when i realise its just a load of work from Amanda.
"Thanks," I give the post man the most pathetic excuse for a smile, turn around and head slowly back towards the front door.

"Libby! Wait!"
I dont think ive ever turned around so quickly in my life. I couldnt possibly mistake that voice, unless im imagining it.
"Libby, wait, please!" Gary pants, running up the drive towards me. "Just wait!"
I couldnt move if i wanted to. Hes here. Im not imagining it. Garys here. I stand, frozen like a statue in the doorway.