someone to stay, ⁹¹¹

𝟎𝟑𝟏.

JJ was with Ashton again.

Call her stupid, trust me, she already has in her mind.

Her dad and Eddie were at work, and Sophia and Chris were having lunch with Tía Pepa. JJ had been invited too, but she faked a headache and let them leave.

And now here she fucking was, curled up against a boy who was smoking a joint and laughing at some action movie JJ didn't care to learn the name of.

She felt like she was stuck on an ongoing train with no actual destination, or on a fancy carousel that she was strapped down to. Her life was just going around and around in circles, and she didn't know what to do with it.

The only thing she could feel was the heat of his arm slung across her shoulders. It was heavy, more of a cage than a comfort. The only thing she could smell was the thick scent of weed curling in the air, invading her lungs with every slow breath she took.

Ashton laughed at the screen like the dialogue was actually clever.

JJ didn't laugh.

She just sat there, hands tucked into the sleeves of her hoodie, and pretended she couldn't feel the way her stomach was twisting.

Ashton lifted the joint to his lips again, took a long drag, and let the smoke curl out of his mouth in a lazy spiral. Then, wordlessly, he held it out toward her.

She stared at it.

"No, thanks, Ash," she mumbled, shifting slightly. "I'm good."

"C'mon, J," he said, not pushing, not really, but the smile on his face wasn't gentle. "It's just one hit. You used to be fun."

JJ blinked slowly and her chest tightened.

"I'm still fun," she said, but even she didn't believe it.

He grinned, brushing his knuckles lightly under her chin, coaxing her to look at him. "Then prove it."

JJ hesitated.

Everything in her body screamed don't do it. Her therapist's voice. Sophia's voice. Her dad's voice. Eddie's voice. Even Chris's voice, who didn't even know about any of this, was all tangled up in her chest like a web.

But the pressure in her head wouldn't quiet. The guilt, the ache. It was just one drag. Right? Nobody had to know.

Her fingers reached out, trembling.

She took it, brought it to her lips and inhaled.

She coughed softly, the smoke burning at the back of her throat, but she let it sit for a second before exhaling.

"Atta girl," Ashton said, leaning back with a smug smile, slipping the joint back between his lips and taking another hit like it was nothing.

Like it hadn't meant everything.

JJ didn't feel much, just a soft buzz slipping into her limbs, like the corners of the room were fading slightly.

But mostly what she felt was the pit in her stomach, raw and jagged.

The movie continued. Ashton laughed again, his arm still around her, and she let her head fall onto his shoulder even though it didn't bring any peace.

She felt nothing. And that was the worst part.

Her phone started buzzing in her hoodie pocket.

Once. Twice. Three times. Then again.

She shifted to reach for it.

Soph 🎀 The screen read.

Ten missed calls and now texts pouring in.

Ashton glanced down, then took the phone from her before she could touch it.