there goes my heart - j.s

chapter one

My alarm beeps, furiously trying to wake me up at 7:30 am.
I yawn and swing my legs over the side of my bed. Today is the day.

My eyes flicker past my laid out outfit, to my passport and plane tickets on my dresser. Sudden excitement fizzes inside me. Stretching, I get up and shove my feet into my fluffy slippers. So many thoughts are whirling through my mind and I feel like I'm going to explode with happiness.
But I pull myself back down to earth and step into the shower. I let the hot water soak me completely and sigh happily. Then I scrub myself clean with peach-scented foam. I emerge from the shower pink and warm and smelling like peaches and cream, so I shove on my clothes.

The smell of toast seeps into my room and pushes me into the kitchen. My mum is setting the table but she looks up when I enter.
"Good morning, sweetheart," she smiles, "are all your things packed up? Are you ready? Are you absolutely sure you want to do this?"

I laugh at her bombard of questions. "Good morning, mum. Yes, of course, I am packed, I am ready and yes, I am very sure."

—

She cries, naturally, and doesn't stop hugging me until the very last second. I cry too because when she cries, it sets me off.
"Even though I'm nervous and scared and unsure what could happen, I trust you and I'm proud of you and everything you've overcome. You're so strong now, Adeline; so strong. I love you so much sweetheart, and always will."

And, shit, I can't stop crying. "I love you too, and I'll be okay, don't worry. I know I'll be okay. But I've got to go and check in, my plane is boarding soon," I take a deep breath and calm myself. Mum pulls me into another hug. "Goodbye, Mum, I promise I'll call when I arrive. Love you!"

I give her one last squeeze then gather my bags and walk away. She whispers a quiet 'goodbye.' as I drag my suitcase behind me through my gate.

Eventually, I board my plane and plonk down on my fairly uncomfortable seat, already plugging in my headphones. Nerves nibble at me persistently, they swirl inside me and make my heart thump uneasily.
Having anxiety, for me, makes planes and lots of people packed into confined spaces quite hard to deal with.
My brain shuts down and speeds up at the same time. It clogs and panics; it rewinds and fast-forwards; it unravels and trips up and struggles with focusing properly.
I can't really stop it; only help soothe it.
Listening to music helps, by letting it wave over me and absorb into every inch of my mind. So that's what I do. I play my music and close my eyes, shutting the world out, if only for a little while.

—

My suitcase travels lazily along the conveyer belt, sitting in between two other bags, I step forward and drag it off before it can escape for another round. The handle is cold and hard but I clutch onto it like it could save my life. The airport is crowded.
Once again my chest is starting to feel tight but I keep breathing and focus on getting a taxi outside. My suitcase drags behind me, it's wheels scraping on the pavement. Outside the air is brisk and fresh and just what I need right now.
I inhale and exhale, slowly but surely. You can do this Adeline.
A taxi parks right in front of me, so I shove my things inside then bundle myself in and quickly tell the driver my address. The taxi smells of carpet cleaner and his cologne. I don't breathe so deeply now.

My phone buzzes from inside my bag. Grabbing it quickly, I see that I have a missed call from Mum
Shit.
I ring her back, and she picks up after the second ring.
"Adeline? How are you?" Her voice is so comforting and gentle.

"Mum! I'm doing fine, my flight was good and uneventful and now I'm in a taxi, on my way to the apartment."

"Ok darling, good. I'm so glad you're doing well. Now, remember, the key is in your backpack's front compartment. There should be a bed or at least a mattress already there, but the rest of the furniture should be arriving in the next few days. And don't forget the monthly lease payments, okay? You will need a job. Oh, Adeline, are you sure you're going to be alright in London? It'll be a lot of work you know."

I quickly process all this information she's churning out.
"Ok mum, thank you. And yes, I'm going to be perfectly alright. I promise I'll find a job and I'll manage to pay. Look, you've got to stop asking me that, I'll be fine, great even," I hear her sigh slightly. "Now I've got to go, ok? Love you mum."

"Alright honey. Love you too."

I end the call.
In my mind I just keep repeating, You can do this Adeline. You can do this.

The taxi rumbles to a stop outside a row of terraced houses. One of these must be me. I thank the driver and get out my luggage. Grabbing the keys from my backpack, I breathe the once again fresh air.
I shove the key into the lock and open the door, still yanking my suitcase behind me, which, by the way, I swear is getting heavier by the minute.

As I step into the apartment my breath catches in my throat; it's a beautiful place, and it's all mine. Which is hard to believe. The sun beams through the window and it illuminates the dust dancing in the air. I've always thought how magical it looks. I can't help but let out a tiny sigh of contentment. I've made it - I really have.

I walk over and flop down onto a lonely couch sitting at the edge of the room. Even though my mind is whirling, my is heart racing and my stomach is fizzing, tiredness washes over me. My eyelids feel heavy and I feel myself drifting off to sleep.

—

The doorbell echoes loudly throughout the flat and I wake up with a jolt - someone is at the door.
I quickly get up, rubbing my eyes, and answer the door.
This remarkably cute guy - like, unfairly cute, like, how is this allowed kind of cute - is standing there, grinning widely. He holds out his hand to shake.

"Hi there, I'm Joseph, but you can call me Joe!"

____________________

hope you liked that first chapter, sorry it's not the longest :) next chapter a little more might happen, but i'm not quite sure yet???
but ty for reading yo
— "taylor"

{edited}
[edited again; 25/4/16]
edited yet again: 23/01/17
(edited agAIN AGAIN: 15/5/17)
[can u guess what i fucking did again?? that's right i edited it!! honestly what am i doing with my life at this point. 02/01/18]