there goes my heart - j.s

chapter twenty two

[please listen carefully to the lyrics in this video]

—

"Joe," is all I can manage to say before I collapse into his arms and start to sob.

As soon as I'm held by him, safe and secure, it feels like time stops. It's him, it's really him. The boy I love more than anything in the world is finally back in my arms. It's too much for me to process, all I can do is hold onto him for dear life and weep. My head against his chest, my arms wrapped up around his neck, his arms securely around me. I can feel his heart beating about as fast as mine and it just makes me cry harder.

"Adeline," he manages, his voice thick and full of held back tears. I know he's trying to be strong for me.

I want to let go and see his face but at this point I don't know if I can support myself. My bones feel like jelly. I take a deep shaky breath in and step back slowly. But I don't let go, my hands find their way to his face and cup it gently. Joe doesn't let go either, his hands trailing down to my waist. I look up at his face and I almost break down in tears again. There he is, his blue-green eyes brimming with joy, his hair tousled and messy, his lips pink and soft.

"I love you," my voice is quiet but I know he can hear me. "I love you so much."

Those words have never meant so then they do now. I love him. I can't explain how much truth that each syllable holds.

He can't hold back the tears anymore, and they start to spill down his cheeks silently. I brush them away with my thumbs. He smiles down at me tenderly.

"Look at you, crying over some girl, what did she do to you?" I smile fondly, trying not to cry myself.

"I can't believe you're here," his voice is soft and low, almost like if he speaks any louder, he'll splinter the moment. "I love you too, Adeline. I love you so fucking much."

I lean forward and press my lips gently against his. Just like that, the world falls away around us. His lips are perfectly soft and I never though they could feel so right against mine. His lips are salty from tears but mix with the sweet taste of my lip balm. He tastes like all the days we've been apart and all the days that to come. He tastes like freedom after being trapped; and something good after so much pain and doubt. It's something so familiar and comforting. It's Joe, my goddamn Joe, back in my arms again.
I remember lying on the bathroom floor, my vision dark and blurred, feeling like I was lighter than a cloud. I thought that was freedom, but maybe I was wrong. Because, I think this is freedom.

"I've missed you," I say simply.

—

I step out of the hotel shower, a white fluffy towel wrapped around my body. My wet hair drips over my shoulders faintly.

"Hey," I say, a smile escaping my lips.

I still can't believe I'm with him here, on the other side of the world.

"Hi gorgeous, c'mere and sit with me," he laughs, trying to reach out cheekily and pull me closer towards him.

I let out a scream and laugh, "no you don't mister, I'm in my towel and my hair is soaking wet."

"I don't mind," he laughs and shrugs.

"I will in just a sec, I've gotta get some clothes on and I've also gotta, um, change my plaster dressing for my wrist," my smile fades slowly even though I try to keep it strong, like it doesn't bother me.