there goes my heart - j.s

chapter eighteen

[eight months since joe left]

Adeline's POV

It's weird, how one broken heart can affect someone's whole life and bring it crashing down.

It's weird, how one second your life can be bright and full of happiness and in the next, be as dark as night and empty. So very empty.

You wouldn't think it would ever happen to you. But then it does. And you realise, life isn't as fair or kind as you thought.

And you realise, life is actually cruel.

—

I stretch and flop my legs over the side of the bed. Groaning I walk to the bathroom and turn on the shower, water spurts out of the nozzle and I wait for it to get warm enough. When steam starts to rise, I hop under the water letting it wrap around me like a blanket. I close my eyes and water dampens my face, droplets freckling my skin. I pretend it's rain falling from the sky in beads of warm water.
I wish I could stay here forever, warm and safe. But for the first time in a few weeks, I have to be somewhere.

Once I have washed my hair and face, I turn off the shower and step out. Wrapping a towel around me I look in the mirror, I sigh. I don't want to do this. I don't want to do anything anymore. I just want to stay in my dark room all day and cry.

Zoe has been begging me to see Georgia, who happens to be a therapist. Apparently, I'm showing signs of depression and she thinks I'm relapsing.
I already know that I'm unhappy and empty, but I don't think I'm relapsing. why do I need someone else to tell me that?
I have actually met Georgia before, as she's Alfie's friend, and I guess she is quite nice but I'm still not looking forward to this. I just couldn't say no to Zoe anymore, she looked so sad just because I was sad.

As I'm walking out my room, I pass my mirror and see myself; tired, pale, sad.
Maybe I'm more depressed than I think. Letting out a deep sigh, I make my way down the stairs to make some coffee.

—

Zoe's car pulls up and I open its shiny black door.
"Hey, how are things?" Zoe smiles brightly, but I can tell she's worried about me.

"I'm ok. I guess," I say, trying to sound even a little bit happy.

Zoe nods, "good," she replies, "so are you ready?"

I nod vehemently, so Zoe starts the car and drives towards Georgia's office.

The therapy building is big and fancy. When I step inside I am greeted by the receptionist. She says that Georgia will be right with us. I sit down on the cold uncomfortable plastic seat and pick up a magazine. I pretend to read it when really all I'm trying to do is calm myself down.

What have I got myself into?

Georgia appears in the doorway, smiles and motions for me to come in. Zoe stays behind in the waiting room, giving me an encouraging smile as I get up and follow Georgia into her office. I'm honestly holding back tears but I don't want to cry. Georgia sits opposite me.

"It's so nice to see you again Adeline, I hope this isn't weird since we've met before," Georgia's voice is kind and gentle.

"Yeah, it's nice to see you too, and it's totally cool, don't worry," and I'm not lying, it won't be. I don't even know here that well in the first place.

"Okay, so, should we begin?"

"Sure," I nod.

"Well then, why are you here? I know Zoe is responsible for convincing you, but why do you think she wanted you to come? Remember, you don't have to pretend anymore," Georgia says calmly.

With that, I pour my heart out, unable to keep anything in; needing to let it all out, including my tears. They come dribbling down my cheeks, salty and warm.

I tell her everything.

How I feel now. How I felt when I was seven and a half and my Dad ran out of my life; how I felt when I was ten and I lost my best friend; how I felt when I was nineteen and fell into a deep depression.
How depressed I feel these days.

How much I miss Joe and haven't ever stopped missing him.

—

[[Hey, guys!
Sorry for not properly updating in a while.
Here is Chapter Nineteen!!
I hope you liked it!]]

a/n: my brain is actual fucking mUSH, i have been editing so damn much these past couple days!!! i don't even need to as well???? like??? why am i doing this to myself??? no one is fucking reading this garbage and i once it's finished, neither will i.
ok well i'm going to sleep now??

— "taylor"