𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐍𝐄𝐋 - ᴄ.ᴛ

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And just like that Evaras old habits were back on her agenda, At the fitting for her Marc Jacobs shoot, the assistant held up two skirts one sample size, one slightly larger.

"She's not a zero, right?"

They said it like she wasn't in the room.

Evara looked down at her legs. The red marks from her tights hadn't faded yet.

"No, she's like a two. Maybe a four in hips," another voice said casually.

Like furniture.

She smiled politely . "I can make either work."

The stylist nodded. "You've got good shape. Classic."

Classic meant curvy. Classic meant borderline.

She nodded, stepping behind the curtain to change.

As she unzipped her jeans, she caught herself whispering under her breath.

"You've earned this. You're enough."

She didn't fully believe it.

But she said it anyway.

"What's usually the size?" Evara asked

"Zero" the woman replied harshly as Evara nodded.

That stuck with Evara till the end of the night. Callum wasn't home and things had gotten quiet after she walked Ben outside.

She pulled open the drawer beneath the sink downstairs. The one she hadn't touched in months.

There it was.

The small white pouch.

She stared at it.

For a long time.

Then, without a sound, she unzipped it poured it out and started snorting it instantly. She hadn't felt that feeling in a while, she felt a little more relaxed after. She was quite disgusted in herself, but whatever made her drop down a few sizes.

For the rest of the week they did pallets and head shots. Seeing what colors matched with her skin tone and what worked for her and what didn't. She was completely silent those days, feeling numb. Callum had been in and out the house constantly, he'd leave around 6am and come back at midnight. She always heard him hop in the shower and feel him spoon her right after. While he was gone 90% of the time now she was left with his home responsibilities.

He'd clean his sheets and change them every couple of weeks and do the dishes every day. This was why he stayed at hotels most of the time, but he found it affectionate that Evara enjoyed Ben and just floating around Callums home. It was shredding her week by week, she wasn't eating anything anymore. All the food Callum figured would be gone was still there almost expired. He'd been on the morning to midnight schedule for 3 weeks now. He even wanted to just spend the rest of the nights in his trailer but he hated sleeping alone now. He loved having Evara in his arms like a teddy bear at night.

Evara moved around.

"Are you cold?" She mumbled to him still half asleep.

"No" he replied, he could feel her. She was stone cold. Practically shivering in his hoodie.

She cradled herself in his chest. He groaned feeling annoyed but got up to grab another blanket out the closet. He couldn't feel how smaller her arms and shoulders got, his hoodie was too b u on her for him to notice. He did notice she lost a little more face fat.

He sighed throwing the other blanket off of her to toss another blanket over her body. He then placed the other blanket back on top of her. He crawled back into the bed cradling her some more as she stopped shivering just a bit. He rubbed his large warm hand all around her back and lower back hoping she'd stop shaking.

The next night the shaking came back worse.

This time he really noticed.

He woke to her body trembling like she was caught in a storm. Her skin was cold to the touch, clammy almost.

"Ev, hey... you're freezing."

"I'm fine," she whispered, barely audible.

"No, you're not. You're shaking like crazy."

He looked down at her again. At the way her knees jutted out.

He swallowed hard. "Are you okay?"

She didn't answer.

That silence that particular silence hurt him.

"Evara," he said again, firmer now.

"I don't know," she whispered.

He sat still for a second, the air thick between them.

"I want you to come in with me today.." he mumbled kissing her forehead.

"No..I'm tired..I just wanna stay here" she groaned.

"Please.." he whispered kissing her again underneath the blankets

"I don't need you to spectate over me cal, I know what I'm doing!" She argued

"You wouldn't push me away if you did know what you're doing" he argued

"You've always looked at me like I'm fragile—"

"No, now you're really broken evs. All I do is look at you with love, and you push me away or have to alternate ways with me..why can't you just let me love you the way I can."

"Don't talk to me like I'm insane, Cal. Don't pity me."

"I don't pity you," he said. "I'm scared for you."

Her shoulders dropped. The fight drained out of her.

"I don't know how to let go," she mumbled into his chest.

"Then hold on to me," he murmured back. That night she fell asleep on top of him, legs intertwined with his, her head and chest against his flat chest.