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MARCH 2020
Another year had passed, and it felt like Evara had been running on fumes, both physically and emotionally. Ever since COVID began, it was as if something inside her had changed like the pandemic had ignited an inflammation not only in her body but in her spirit, slowly taking over her life. The breakup had left her hollow, but the isolation, the endless lockdowns, and the uncertainty of the world had pushed her into a darker place.
She had drowned herself in her sorrows, sinking deeper into remorse and regret. That dark path she thought she had left behind years ago the one where everything seemed pointless, where getting out of bed felt like an impossible task—had found her again. And this time, she couldn't pull herself out.
The days bled together, the rhythm of life disrupted by a virus that showed no signs of slowing down. Her world shrank to the four walls of her apartment. She stopped answering calls. Friends reached out, family checked in, but every time her phone buzzed or the doorbell rang, she let it go. The effort to connect felt too overwhelming.
Work had been canceled for what seemed like forever. At first, the break had been a relief, a way to escape the pressure of pretending everything was fine. But two weeks off turned into what felt like an eternity.
She felt there was nothing left for her.
The runways got icy cold.
and an email was sent out stating that practices were delayed for another 3 weeks or until the pandemic ended.
She didn't have the energy to care anymore. The bills had piled up, her savings had run dry. Her car sat in the parking lot, untouched. She hadn't filled her tank in weeks because she couldn't afford it. The once mundane task of driving to work seemed impossible without gas, without the will to even try.
Her apartment became her whole world. She moved through it like a ghost, haunted by her own thoughts and memories. The laughter she once shared with him echoed in her mind, mocking her now that she was alone. The plans they had made for a future, a family, had dissolved, replaced by the cold reality of her isolation.
He was all she could think about, he meant the world to her no matter how long they were apart he bought her to where she was now.
The darkness was suffocating. She tried to fight it, to remind herself that this wasn't the first time she had been alone . But this time, it felt different. The world had changed. She had changed. And even though everything was slowly returning to some version of normal outside, inside her, things were still broken.
As the days passed, she couldn't help but feel that she had missed her chance. Not just with him, but with life. The future she had once envisioned felt distant, almost like it belonged to someone else. And no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't find her way back to it.
Tired of waiting for things to get better. Tired of pretending that she was okay.
The bottle cap twisted off with a soft click, and she stared at the pills resting in her palm. A part of her hesitated, a small voice in the back of her mind begging her to stop, to reach out, to give life one more chance. But that voice was drowned out by the roar of her despair.
She couldn't see a way forward.
Not anymore.
His voice echoed through her mind.
"I cannot fathom being around you when this is all you want for yourself. You are so beautiful...but I know there's something deeply missing in here" he pointed nudging his finger into her chest against her silky robe.
"It's not me. It's not a family...it's something I cannot fix for you. He placed his hands back together looking away.
She swallowed the pills, one after another, her hand shaking as she washed them down with water. She didn't cry, didn't tremble in fear. There was only a numbness, a cold emptiness that made it easy to let go. As she lied back on the bed, her eyes fluttering closed, a strange sense of peace settled over her.
In her final moments of clarity, she thought of her mother not with bitterness, but with a quiet sadness. She thought about how different things could have been if she had just stayed. If they had worked through it together. But those thoughts were fleeting, fading into the haze that now filled her mind.
The room around her grew blurry, the world slipping away. The phone rang in the distance, but she didn't move to answer it. Someone knocked at the door, the sound faint, as if it were coming from far away. But she was already drifting, slipping further and further into the void.
And then, there was nothing.
Evara's body lied still, the chaos inside her finally quiet. The pain, the regret, the overwhelming sorrow that had consumed her it was all gone now, leaving only silence in its wake.
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CHANEL.
A/N: thank you guys so much for reading and putting up with my shitty writing and my long hiatus, I hope you enjoyed what I scrambled up. I had actually made this ending of the chapter when I first made this book. It felt very secure, even though I had a moment of hope for Evaras character, I felt it was more realistic to let her go unfortunately. Thanks for reading ! :)
