Love Me in Another Universe

Chapter 73. Am I Really Different? (Part 2)

October 10, 1998, Saturday. Guan Xuchen's father went to operate his stall, and his mother went shopping with friends. So Guan stayed home alone. It was the weekend, but he didn't go out. Last night he had been busy writing the self-criticism letter and crying, leaving a mountain of homework.

By past noon, he finally finished all his homework. He boiled some noodles, turned on the TV, and ate lunch while flipping channels.

Fiddling with the remote, he accidentally tuned to Phoenix TV, where Yang Lan's Studio was airing. The episode was titled "Listening to Homosexual Voices". Guan Xuchen turned down the volume, set the remote aside, and watched intently.

Yang Lan, a leading broadcast journalist, was interviewing Hong Kong screenwriter Edward Lam, who was talking about coming out to his parents. His father only said casually, "Oh, I didn't know that." His mother, on the other hand, mentioned her own divorce in the 1970s, when divorced women were also marginalized. She hoped her son would have the courage to face his identity, just as she had faced hers. She wished he wouldn't suffer too much or carry too many scars.

Guan Xuchen felt envious that Edward Lam had a mother who understood him. A thought suddenly crossed his mind: "Should I tell Mom and Dad that I like boys?"

But the idea vanished as quickly as it came. He remembered coming home late yesterday and confessing the incident under his parents' questioning. He dared not say Gao Xinglang had fought with others because he was mocked by Ao Feifan as being gay. He only said that Gao was teased, got into a fight, and he himself had tried to intervene but got hit. Mrs. Guan saw his hesitation and believed he was lying and slapped him. Mr. Guan, though telling Mrs. Guan to educate their son properly, also scolded Guan Xuchen, saying something like, "A man should own up to his mistakes."

Guan Xuchen unconsciously touched his stinging right cheek, which had been slapped last night, and shook his head in dread. He couldn't imagine how his parents would react if he came out to them.

Yang Lan then noted that most people in society, including intellectuals and the mainstream, viewed homosexuality as an abnormal perversion that even undermined social ethics. She asked Edward Lam for his opinion on this.

Edward Lam replied, "I think our society as a whole needs to progress, rather than whether homosexuals are accepted or not. The core issue isn't about acceptance; it's why the mainstream rejects homosexuals in the first place."

He added that phrases like "He's just like us normal people" are actually traps. "Why strive to be 'normal'?" He said, "We have the right to be different."

Guan Xuchen found some of Edward Lam's points too profound to fully grasp. He just felt adrift, even fearful, unsure of where his life path would lead.

Yang Lan next interviewed Siu Kwok-wah, founder of Horizons, a hotline for Hong Kong's homosexuals. Siu mentioned that he had confirmed his sexual orientation around the age of 14.

"When you were 14 and realized you liked a male classmate, did you dare to tell your parents?" Yang Lan asked.

Guan Xuchen was eager to hear Shao's answer. But the door clicked open—his mother was back from shopping. He quickly changed the channel.

That night, Guan Xuchen lay awake, replaying yesterday's events and the TV episode.

He suddenly sat up, knelt on the bed, clasped his hands together, and muttered to the night sky, "Great Heaven, please—revoke Lang's demerit so he can enter his dream university... I would...I would give ten years of my life for this wish..."

Lying back, he hugged the blanket tightly, stroking its softness while whispering, "Little blanket, you're the only one in this world who doesn't hate me. Please don't leave me, okay?"