Madness and Magic...❤️

47

The next morning was Sara's first day of school after everything.

Shehnaaz woke up at 5:30, but couldn't get out of bed. Her body felt too heavy,too drained, every inch of her echoed with the memory of last night.She trembled like a dry leaf as she stood up with a sudden jerk and walked to the mirror.

Her face looked pale, sleep-deprived and her lips were still red and slightly chapped,they were the only evidence of last night's fire which made her face look somehow enticing. otherwise, she looked ordinary and then she thought of Sidharth. He was like a star, luminous and untouchably steady. How did someone like him see beauty in someone like her?Yet he did.He looked at her like she was worth protecting at any cost. It wasn't her reflection that made her beautiful,it was him. His madness and magic of his love.

She felt so bad for abandoning him last night,he didn't deserve this,he didn't deserve her.
"It's not that I don't see your love Sidharth.
It's not that I don't want to hold space for you.
But I am barely keeping myself alive.
I am so done,so tired and every breath feels like a small act of survival...I am not abandoning you.I am just trying to save yourself from my darkness Because right now, loving me might mean losing yourself... and I could never live with that." She thought and then she shook her head hard. "Sara has school!" she murmured, grounding herself.

She hadn't yet arranged for Sara's school bus pickup to change, so she had told her driver to come.By six , She woke up Sara. Laxmi masi was in the kitchen making Sara's tiffin,she hadn't asked the cook to come so early so Laxmi masi offered to make her tiffin today.

At 6:30 Sara was at the dining table, in her uniform, her hair half-braided and she was staring blankly at the table. She hadn't spoken much since waking up, and Shehnaaz knew why: Reema used to get her ready and this morning was not normal for her.

"Sara, eat. muh kholo..we'll be late" Shehnaaz pleaded, holding out a small bite of paratha.
Sara didn't move.

"Please... Sara"Shehnaaz urged,She was already in a frenzy,trying to keep everything running so Sara wouldn't feel the chaos but the child wouldn't even look at her.
Shehnaaz set the food down,and went to get her bag ready.When she came back.Sara was crying silently and her heart squeezed.

"Oh Sara" Shehnaaz dropped everything and gently lifted her chin.

"Sara...please don't cry..."she said while she too had tears in her eyes,Sara couldn't stop.

Shehnaaz glanced at the clock,it was 6:40. They needed to leave in fifteen minutes. But nothing felt more important than Sara.She pulled the little girl onto her lap and wrapped her arms around her tiny body.

And then she heard the click of their bedroom door.Sidharth stepped out with eyes heavy and shadowed from lack of sleep. But when he saw Shehnaaz sitting on the couch, arms wrapped protectively around Sara,he straightened himself.He became alert and awake.

He was still in the same white button-down shirt from the night before,it was crumpled now .He hadn't changed or slept as after she whispered that painful 'sorry' and closed the door,he had sat there for hours as her absence screamed louder than the argument they had.
Somehow, through the fog of frustration, confusion, and desire he again reminded himself that loving someone wasn't about choosing only the easy and beautiful parts.
It's about holding space for her damage and brokenness.He had fallen in love with all of her.Even the parts that pushed him away when he got too close.

And when he looked at her holding Sara and while she herself looked like a lost Child made it impossible not to feel that pull and an ache to soothe her again.

Shehnaaz looked up at him and felt an even more intense pain.He looked... ruined.

"What have I done to him"?She looked down getting ashamed. He didn't deserve this.She had to leave. The sooner, the better.