The Lost Roses

Chapter Fifteen

When I awake the next morning I'm alone. I do find a note on Lucas' s pillow though. 'Gone shopping. Be back soon.' He signed it with a heart and his name. He is something else. I sit up in bed almost immediately regretting it. I dont know what happened but I am really sore in a place I haven't been in quite some time. I take a shower and wash my hair. This time there's no blood. I do however find blood on my legs. I don't know what the hell happened. I wash myself and get out drying off. I suddenly feel this awful pain like a stomach cramp. I sit down on the toilet not sure if I just started my period or what. Soon enough I feel something pass through. It's not the normal feeling you get on your period. There was too much. I wipe myself and there's a ridiculous amount of blood. I get back in the shower.
"Hey Zoey?"
"Yea?"
"Are you bleeding?"
"Yea. I'm sorry. I think I started my period. Which is weird because I couldn't even tell you the last time I got it "
"Um. I think you need to come look." I step out of the tub and wrap my towel around myself coming to see what he's talking about. "You were pregnant."
"What?"
"I've seen women lose their babies. That's what it looks like. It doesn't seem like you were too far along. About two months maybe. I'm so sorry Zoey. This is all my fault."
"It's fine." And it is. I don't really feel anything. Besides grateful.
"I don't know what to do." He says gesturing to the toilet. I flush it and walk out of the bathroom. I grab a pair of his shorts and a tshirt and walk out of the room. And down the stairs. "Where are you going?"
"The other house. I need underwear and my gym shoes."
"Why?" I ignore him and keep going. I dig through the closet until I find my yoga pants, running top and sports bra, and gym shoes and socks. I guess he brought everything here. I yank off his shorts and pull on my clothes, walking right back out of the house. Then I start walking up the road. Then jogging. Then running. I let all of my pent up frustration out. All of my anger. All of my confusion. I need to think. And I can't do that stuck in a house around him. I've fallen for him. I can't keep going back and forth. I need to make up my mind. And so does he. I run all the way to the city and back twice. Then I go to Courtney's house. I barely remember how to get there. I get lucky and she's standing outside like she's waiting for me.
"Hey Courtney!"
"Hi! Wow. I'm surprised he let you out."
"I don't know if he even realizes I left. I don't know. I just had a miscarriage."
"Oh my god. Are you okay?"
"Yea I'm fine. I think Lucas is the one messed up about it. I think he realizes bad things are going to keep happening if he continues to treat me the way he does."
"How do you feel about it?"
"Honestly? Relieved. Kind of thrilled. I can't have a baby with him. Not now. Not until other things get settled."
"I understand. And trust me he knows you left. He called me saying you ran out and he has no idea where you were going."
"I wish he would leave me alone." I sit on her porch and before I know what's happening I'm crying uncontrollably. She sits next to me and kind of half hugs me saying things are going to be okay. "Nothing will ever be okay again."
"How can you say that?"
"Because you don't know everything. And I can't tell you."
"Look, Lucas can't hurt you around me. I won't let him. You can tell me anything. Right now he's on his way into town. You have some time to tell me."
"I don't know. How do I know you aren't lying?"
"Because me and Lucas dated once. He abused me. And then I left him. He was not happy. But then, one day, he stopped caring."
"He said you're gay."
"I am now. Dealing with so much abuse from him definitely turned me away from men."
"He kidnapped me. And seven other girls. He took me and my parents two years ago. Six months before he took some other girl. And another four months before that and another four months before that and so on. My parents killed themselves because they thought he raped and killed me. And in a sense he did. After he told me I tried killing myself. Obviously it didn't work out. And before that he had raped me. And he has continued to use me as he pleases. After 8 months he decided to remove me from the other girls. Shortly after that I became his favorite. Actually the night I was taken away from the others is when my parents died and he raped me for the first time. The next morning is when I acquired these scars. After that I stopped fighting him. And in the past few days I've acted like everything is okay and we're a perfectly normal couple."
"Wow. That is a lot to take in."
"He's getting rid of the other girls. By this time next week it will only be me."
"He's going to kill them?"
"No. We're taking them and dropping them in random states."
"Have you told anyone else?"
"Obviously not. It doesn't matter anymore. They're going to be gone and everything will be okay."
"But he'll still have you."
"Yea. But I wouldn't be able to live without him. He's become another limb or organ that I need. I hate feeling that way. But I do. You can't say anything to him. Or treat him differently. Please. I beg of you."
"I won't. I swear it."
'Thank you. I wish I could leave and be normal. But I have nothing and no one to go to. I was supposed to be leaving to go travel the world right after our family vacation. That trip was supposed to last three years. Of course it was school related. I'd be learning about different cultures and types of medicine. So no one knows I'm gone. They think I'm doing something cool. I was also supposed to be studying a type of healing through dance. Unfortunately I don't get to do any of that. Lucas doesn't know. It doesn't even really matter."
"I'm so sorry this happened to you. And to those other girls." At the moment a car door slams and then I'm yanked to my feet and into someone's arms.
"I am so sorry. And I was so worried. I love you so much and don't want anything to happen to you. If you want to have a baby we can try again and I promise you I will never lay another hand on you. God I'm so sorry Zoey."
"Its fine. Really. I don't want a baby. Not right now. Maybe never. I can barely take care of myself, much less anyone else. And, I love you too."
"Really?"
"Really." He kisses me like his life depends on it. Like without me he can't breathe. "I came to the conclusion that leaving would be useless. I need you just as much, if not more than you need me. I can't live without you anymore and I was stupid for thinking I could. I could have just run away and never came back. But I didn't. I will always come back to you. I don't know how I didn't realize that sooner. I'm sorry I've put you through so much."
"God you have no reason to be sorry. I've literally been the shittiest person ever."
"Can we just go home now?"
"Of course."
"Bye courtney. Thank you for listening." She hugs me goodbye and Lucas and I leave. He picks me up and carries me to our room. I'm happy we're in the big house. I see he has brought all my stuff here and I'm grateful.
"Do you want to shower?"
"I don't think I could stand long enough. My legs feel like jelly. I ran too much without stretching or anything."
"You can take a bath if you want."
"Okay. Help me?"
"Sure." He unties my shoes and pulls them and my socks off followed by my pants and then shirt and bra. He runs the bath water and I step in sinking into the comforting warmth.
"You aren't getting in?"
"Not unless you want me to."
"I do." He takes off his clothes and I scoot forward so he can get in behind me. This tub is bigger than the other one. "Would you get mad if I asked you to put the other bed in here?"
"In the bathroom? It won't fit."
"I meant in your room."
"I wouldn't be mad. Just a little annoyed since it's the exact same bed."
"That one is more comfortable."
"Then go sleep in it. I'm not switching beds. That's too much work and it's pointless."
"Fine. Je serai content avec ca lit."
"Here we go again. If you keep speaking French I'm going to speak German. Speaking of, what did you say last night?"
"I said 'so you are very very stupid man. And a little cute. I don't like you. But, I adore you.  Oh la la. I don't know what I'm doing'. I was more or less thinking out loud in french."
"Oh." We lay there enjoying the water for some time before he speaks again. "I have to tell you something. I'm not sure why.. But I just feel like I need to."
"What?"
"The reason I am the way I am is not because I come from a bad family, but because I was in a bad situation once. From the time I was 12 until I was 17 a neighbor raped me. He threatened me and I thought my parents would never believe me.  He owned the doctor's office my mom worked at and was a good friend of my dad's. I started getting into fights. And one day he was caught. I wasn't the only one he was abusing. I was the only boy though. I went to therapy and all kinds of counseling and for a while I was okay. My anger issues I developed never went away. I realized after dating Courtney I needed an outlet."
"So you took Aria."
"Yes. And I realized she was getting too beaten sometimes. So I took another girl. And four months later, another, and another, until I had seven. I liked the power I have. Now it seems kind of trivial. All I have to do is be touched by you and you calm me down. Except when you're the center of my frustration and anger. I'm so sorry I made you miscarry. I promise you I will never lay another hand on you with the intention of hurting you. I swear."
"Have you looked in that trunk in the other house?"
"No?"
"Don't. Just let me bury it."
"Why?"
"Don't worry about it." I lay against him and start to drift off.
"Don't fall asleep."
"Then lets get out."
"You need to wash first."
"Ugh." I grab some soap and quickly wash and rinse myself before getting out and grabbing a towel. I dry off and go lay in bed. Clothes are too much work.
"You cant sleep naked."
"To hell I can't. Dress me if it's too much for you." Instead of grabbing clothes to put on me he just slides under the blanket next to me, holding me until I fall asleep. When I wake up he's gone. I wander downstairs after putting on a t-shirt and underwear and he's in the kitchen cooking.
"What time is it?" I ask walking up to him and hugging him.
"About 8 o'clock."
"Pm I hope." I comment looking out at the dark sky.
"Of course. I mean you didn't get up until after 12 today."
"Why aren't there any clocks?"
"Everyone keeps a watch or phone on them. I'll get you one tomorrow."
"A phone or a watch?"
"Both if you want."
"That would be nice. What are you making?"
"Tacos. Is that okay?"
"That's fine."
"What's your favorite type of food?"
"Italian. I absolutely love Italian food. A very close second is Mongolian. What about you?"
"Mexican food is my favorite. Japanese is my second."
"I've never had sushi or anything."
"Really? Well I know a really good japanese place and a really good mongolian place. We'll go to one tomorrow and the other monday."
"I told you I want to leave to take them away Monday."
"We can. I'd like to eat though."
"We can do it after the trip. I'd like to try your Japanese place tomorrow."
"Okay. Dinner's almost ready." He scoops meat, sour cream, and cheese into four flour tortilla shells. I add avocado and jalapenos to mine.
"I think mexican is my third favorite food." I say finishing my first taco and starting the second.
"You're really hungry."
"Well given I haven't eaten all day it's not that surprising."
"I'm sorry. I should've woken you up at ten when I got up."
"It's fine. I'm just exhausted. Drinking so much and not eating a whole lot is not a good idea."
"No it's not."
"Don't blame yourself."
"About what?"
"My miscarriage. I'm sure all my drinking lately didn't help."
"I don't blame you at all. And as I said before, if you want a baby, we can try again."
"Well I don't. Not now."
"Okay." We finish eating and he washes up the dishes. I go lay on the couch not tired enough to sleep but without enough energy to do anything fun.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing. I'm tired. But not enough to sleep yet."
"I understand."
"Come sit." He sits on the couch and I lay my head on his lap.
"Wanna watch a movie?"
"Sure." He picks a random movie and pops it in. "What movie is this?"
"Despicable Me."
"You are full of surprises."
"I know. Speaking of surprises, do you have my ID? I needed it for the club and It wasn't in my wallet."
"Why would I have it?"
"Because you were in my wallet."
"Okay. Yea I do. It's in my suitcase."
"Why?"
"Well at first it was so I could tell authorities who kidnapped me. Now I guess its just because I want it."
"Seriously?" He his not happy.
"Look, I know you're angry, but I don't feel the need to do that anymore."
"Yea I am. I am extremely pissed the fuck off. I need to go." He pushes my head off of him and walks out of the door.
"Great." I mutter to myself. I get up and decide to explore. I haven't seen everything in this house. I go upstairs and check out the other rooms. The first one on the right has workout equipment, the second is another bedroom, and the third is locked. Huh. I wonder why. I'll just ask when he gets back. I go down to the basement and it's fairly normal. Laundry room, extra bedroom, and living room type area. He also has a bar. Thats pretty cool. I wonder what he's got. I pick various types of alcohol, drinking until I once again pass out on the basement couch.