(Don't) Go To Sleep

Forever

At first the idea of eating cheesecake for breakfast was totally out of the question but after Masky's reassurance that it wouldn't be as gross as I had expected, I tried it. It wasn't that bad. I was sat in the kitchen, which was full of bubbly conversation for a change. I woke up in Masky's arms on the sofa and my back ached from sleeping in such an uncomfortable position but I didn't care. As I was eating, I felt a change in the atmosphere of the room however, nobody else seemed to notice. I looked around the room seeking the cause and knew immediately what, or in my case who, had caught my attention. Jeff stood there and watched me from across the room. I watched back. I was curious. I no longer felt hate or contempt when I looked at him, just curiousity. His raven black hair was covering most of his face in a seemingly defensive way and he seemed to be detached from everyone else. I still felt wary around him. What he had done to me in the past wasn't anything I would forget so soon. 'You okay?' Masky asked with concern. I nodded and let out the breath that I didn't know I was holding. Luckily he hadn't noticed that me and Jeff were locked in a semi-staring contest. Jeff quickly looked away and so did I but I kept quickly glancing his way every few minutes. Today everyone seemed to be in high spirits, I hadn't ever witnessed such community between all the pastas and proxies while I had been here. For some reason, this made me feel like a small and insignificant part of people's lives but then again I supposed I was. I pulled myself out of my reverie and forced myself to socialise. 'Wanna join the others outside?' I asked Masky, hoping he would agree. The smell of cheesecake was making me feel nauseous. 'Sure,' he said and we followed the others out on to the front lawn. It was night now meaning I had slept for almost a whole day. I had noticed that I'd been sleeping a lot more often than I used to since I had arrived here. I was once again pulled out of my dreamy state when Masky waved his arm in the front of my face. 'Huh?' I mumbled. He lightly placed a hand on my shoulder, 'I said are you alright? You seem a little out of it today.'
'No, I'm all good,' I said and gave him a forced smile just for good measure. It must have been convincing because he nodded and obliviously suggested that we played hide and seek with the others. We split up and ran for the trees and a very tall, striped, skinny guy who laughed at pretty much everything and went by the name Laughing Jack started to count. I was rather surprised that I hadn't seen him before but I had learned that some of us liked to stay in our rooms and rarely left. I'm certain that there would be quite a few other people residing in the mansion who I would probably never meet. Ben stayed to count with Jack. He loved a challenge, I thought to myself, rolling my eyes, as I ran to find a suitable hiding spot. I settled for some very wild bushes that were thick and overgrown. I ignored the small scrapes that the thin branches left on my arm and wormed my way right through the thick leaves and sat on the dirt. I pulled my knees up to my chest and wrapped my arms around my legs. I had always been good at hide and seek and, like Ben, I enjoyed a challenge. The surrounding forest was however giving the hiding team a very large and leafy advantage. I held myself as still as I possibly could and listened carefully. It was a while before I heard uneven footsteps crunching the withered leaves that had blanketed the floor. I held my breath and kept perfectly still. The steps came closer... and closer... The crunching of leaves and footfalls stopped right next to my hiding spot. That was it, game over for me. I almost stood up and revealed myself in defeat but the footsteps started again. I watched the legs walk away from me and felt stupid when I realised that the silver bony legs belonged to the Rake. I sat once again surrounded by my silence. 'FOUND YA!' the voice made me jump to my feet. 'Ben!' I fumed, steadying my pulse. 'You scared me,' I sulked. He winked and helped me clamber out of the bushes. 'Well if it's any consolation, you were the last to be found.'

We made our way back and received cheers from the others as we approached. Masky came over and slung his arm over my shoulder causally, 'You ran off from me,' he complained. I stuck my tongue out like a child would and retorted, 'You may be my boyfriend but when it comes to hide and seek, I'm a lone wolf.'
'You don't look like much of a wolf to me,' he teased, eyeing me up and down. 'Like what you see?'
'I would answer that honestly but I would sound like a perv so I'm just going to go with a simple yes.' I slapped his arm playfully though I knew it wouldn't hurt when someone slammed right into my back. 'Sorry,' apologised a breathless Clockwork. She was having a piggy back ride from Toby who looked just as breathless and Clockwork. I narrowed my eyes at her, 'This... Means... WAR!' I pounced on to Masky who thankfully had fast enough reflexes to catch me before I fell and landed flat on my butt. That would have just ruined the effect. 'Charge!' I yelled pointing right at Clockwork and Toby. We, or more Masky, chased them and Toby ran off and Clockwork had her arms wrapped around him so she didn't fall off. Other people coupled up and followed us and soon there was just a big piggyback war. If you were knocked off your partner, you simply had to get back up and carry on. It was so fun and everybody was giggling and enjoying themselves until pair by pair, they retired back inside and settled in the basement for a big gaming tournament. Not wanting to be left out, me and Masky headed downstairs. Mortal Kombat X was playing on the huge screen and people were taking it in turns to fight against each other. On my turn, I had to fight Jeff. It was really awkward for us but nobody else seemed to sense any tension between us. Our battle took the longest out of everyone's because we were both so good at Mortal Kombat. It wasn't that I was bragging it was just that we both used to play it a lot before Jeff became Jeff the Killer and before I became Jane the Killer. It brought back happy memories of one simple game leading into a massive pillow fight or the loser having to do some silly dare. I smiled dumbly to myself but because I wasn't concentrating, Jeff managed to strike the final blow on to my character and he quickly tapped out the right combination of buttons to perform a fatality. I watched my character as she suffered a painful, gruesome death and when people were done cheering for Jeff, the next two went up to play their round. It was Ben and Cherry. I watched them fight but it didn't last very long. Surprisingly, Cherry won but everyone, including Cherry, knew that he had let her win. I sometimes wondered if Cherry and Ben would ever become more than just friends...

After a while, I became really thirsty and went to the kitchen for a drink where I found myself alone with Jeff. Things either seemed to be totally normal with us or really uncomfortable, it never made any sense. His wide eyes met mine and I flinched reflexively. A guilty look crossed his face. 'Jane...' he started although I didn't know what he expected to say. There was nothing to be said. He walked around the table to me and he was startlingly close to me. I backed up a little but bumped into the kitchen side. 'Jeff... Don't,' I warned. I knew what he was going to do. It was the same after we had had an argument. He was always the first to come back all apologetic and sorrowful. He came closer to me and our faces were inches apart. A tingling feeling ran up and down my spine when he moved closer to me. He looked so sad like a lost puppy and I wanted to give in and be like we used to be... No. Stop. What was I thinking? I had a perfectly good boyfriend and there wasn't any way I could ever forgive Jeff after what he did. He came closer to me and placed his hands on the kitchen counter at either side of me. 'I'm so sorry, please Jane just-'
'No,' I shoved him away firmly and started to walk back downstairs, getting flustered. He grabbed my arm and started to beg, 'Jane, please just listen.' I was getting uncontrollably angry and I didn't know why. I shook my arm out of his grip and tried to walk away, again but he was persistent. He stood directly in my path and tried to get me to stop walking. I don't know why I did it but my mind was so out of character today and my anger levels were off the scale. I grabbed the knife out of the knife holder and sunk it right into his chest. His body seemed to freeze up and his warm blood soaked my hands. His eyes glassed over and he looked at his chest, managing to mutter an 'oh.' He sunk to his knees. The reality of it was setting in. 'No,' I said quietly. I dropped on to the floor next to him. I couldn't take it any more. The scream belonged to me. I grabbed Jeff's face. 'No, no. Don't leave me. Don't you dare leave me. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.' My tears mixed with his blood and he stared at me emotionlessly. 'I love you,' he whispered then slumped, lifeless, into my arms.

I sobbed and sobbed for hours. I couldn't focus on my surroundings. They say that you don't realise things until it's too late. I loved Jeff. I killed Jeff. It was too late. Someone had gotten me out of the bloody clothes and into clean dry clothes but that didn't matter. Nothing mattered anymore.

----------------------------------------

Days have passed since Jeff had gone. Everybody kept telling me that I was in denial about what had happened. I wasn't. I was in denial that I loved him. I loved Masky. Masky loved me. I didn't love Jeff. Jeff loved me. I loved Jeff. My mind was all a mess and I didn't even attempt to clean up that mess. It was too late for that. It was too late for anything.

--------------------------

It had been exactly a week. I was beginning to function again. I had begun to leave my room to eat and clean mostly. I was like a robot. An emotionless shell, carrying out basic actions.

-------------------------------

A week and a half after Jeff's death I began to speak to people again. We all pretended like nothing had happened, that was probably the worst part.

---------------------------

After two weeks everyone had gone back to normal. It was like nothing had even happened. I was managing to force bits of food down. Small talk was easy and Smiledog kept me company while I was shut in my room for hours alone. I was becoming like the other proxies and pastas, the almost nonexistent ones who were invisible to the rest of the mansion. Maybe I would keep it that way. I would never ever commit suicide but each day I counted was another day closer to being able to see him again and I knew deep in my heart that I would see him again. The worst part was not knowing how long I had to wait but I would wait, even if it seemed like forever.