Faded

xiv

In English, Lauren was ill.
And we had to work in partners and
You had to work with me.
You spoke with cautious awkward words that
Vibrated the air
Yet somehow, you were
Confident.
I think you understood
That Lauren and I don't
Talk anymore.
I haven't spoken to her for
Three weeks after the incident in the lunch hall.
I tried to listen to what you were saying but I
Was drawn to your lips and I watched
Them create the letters with subtle movements.
Then there was silence between us which was
Probably my fault as I hadn't
Been listening.
Finally, you actually spoke to me, and you
Said sorry.
For Lauren's behaviour all those weeks ago.
I smiled, embarrassed.
But then I felt very sad. I had lost my best friend.
And no matter what, I wanted her back. The old her.
I crave the things I can't have,

I believe that memories define us and
We had so many memories, she's
Part of me and I don't want to end
Everything.
Then you talked about English again.
You manage to do things
Without the vigorous effort
I must use to get things done.
But you have reclaimed your spot
At the forefront of my mind and it is like
That's where you belong.


(Found buried underneath the earth in Chloe Mcmullen's back garden)