Faded

lxiii

By some crazy miracle,

The clouds parted and on that

Sunny, autumn Sunday afternoon,

Lauren came to my house and

We set off towards the unknown destination.

She had told me

To wear something pretty and

I had picked out a white dress

With a denim jacket. Although, it was a

Little summery,

So wasn't really party material.

But Lauren said we weren't going to a party.

I followed her and

We talked about all that

Had happened in the

Past year or so and

Before that on the way.

I even told her about

Saturday evening with you and

She grinned at me

Like she had seen it all along.

And maybe she had.

We arrived down by the lake where

We had gone sailing in the summer.

The sight made the old emotions

Resurface.

Then, down by the bank, I saw smoke.

It was a barbecue.

I heard music - good music.

I saw the faces of my friends and

They were my real friends.

They were smiling and laughing

And dancing and it looked beautiful.

Happiness flooded through me.

I asked Lauren how she knew to

Do this. I had been expecting

A dark, thumping disco but there we were

Standing on the edge of my dream birthday party.

Lauren pointed into the crowd as we walked closer,

And said it was his idea.

You emerged from between the poeple and smiled at me.

I felt weak at the knees.

After all this time,

All those thoughts,

It's like they had strung together and

Made you appear

Like a hallucination in front of me.

Yet, you're real.

I wavered, unsure how to greet you

As we did not part properly.

But, you held me in your arms and so that helped

To

Know where I stood.

I had to find out, however,

How did you think of this, when I told no one?

You replied,

With a secretive smile,

That you just thought I would prefer it.

That got an offended sniff from

Lauren.

Will came over to join us and

I embraced him too.

Friends wished me

Happy Birthday and even my parents

Came over for a bit,

Back from their holiday.

They left shortly though.

I chatted and danced and laughed with almost

Everyone.

Even you. Especially you.

When dusk fell and twilight

Tinted the sky,

A bonfire was started and

People clustered around it.

It made me think of Charlie's party

And our camp outs on the islands.

Everything linked back too you

And I think that's quite wonderful.

I watched the fire for a long time

Because its flickering

Flames captivated me.

Lauren had been sitting by me earlier

But Will had whispered something in her

Ear and they had

Gone off into the dark together.

She had shot me this look over

Her shoulder

And she was smiling, her

Dimples showing,

And the smile reached her eyes.

You came and sat down next to me.

You said you remembered I had been the

Person the shoe had hit.

You also said this is a crazy messed up world

And you're a crazy messed up person but I said

That's okay because I am too.

Then, you kissed me again,

You're lips meeting mine

Our tilted heads,

Our arms wrapping round each other.

In this crazy, messed up place,

It made sense.

You inclined your head away slightly

And stroked my hair.

You got up whilst telling me you'd be right back,

Returning minutes later,

With a present.

It was wrapped up terribly

(You explained wrapping wasn't your thing)

But I didn't mind.

Taped to the present was an envelope.

A birthday card?

No, when I read it

It was far better than that.

I don't know if we're meant to be

Or if anyone is meant to be with another.

But we won't know

Until we try.

But I do know,

That I love you

More than the stars,

More than the mornings,

More than these

Words I have written.

And I think that's enough of a reason

To stay with you.

And I think,

Just maybe,

You love me too.

(Found on the back of a red envelope)