Mute Songbird (boyxboy) -Complete-

Come in stay in.

My mom knocked on my door the next morning and came in with hot chocolate and two donuts. Maybe it wasn't so bad. I signed 'thanks' and took them from her while she settled into my desk chair.

"Asher, I've been thinking about this conversation since last night and I'm still not sure whether or not we should have it. Well that's not true, we should definitely have it but part of me thinks that I should wait for you to come to me when you're ready. There's a nagging feeling in my gut though that you won't for a myriad of reasons" she said, waving her hand through the air "and that worries me. We've always been close and since your stroke I've sometimes felt as if I were your best friend, if not your only one. That's not how things should be, Asher, and I can't let my fear of upsetting you stop me from being your mother."

I had the subject list narrowed down to about three and was really, really hoping for anything but the whole gay thing. The 'waiting for me' worried me though. I was hanging by a thread of hope that this had something to do with Steve and Mary? Or maybe the new therapy? Or maybe she just wanted me to join a club? Anything would be better than them finding out. But they couldn't have, right?

"Honey, is there something you'd like to talk to me about?"

Me? Uh, oooh, think! This was my out. I needed to distract her. I think try CIT

She nodded. "Probably a good idea. Your writing has gotten so lazy that it's barely comprehensible at this point. We're behind you 110%. Maybe we need to get Mr. Rodriguez and the SLP from school, what's her name?"

Mrs. Maldonado

"Yes, perhaps they should talk and come up with a plan. Want me to go into the office with you before therapy tomorrow and we'll work it out?"

I nodded.

"I was hoping you might want to talk about something else Asher. You probably didn't hear, but Dan got an earful last night when he came to the door. He was pretty angry and didn't do a very good job of hiding it. No, no, don't worry, he was perfectly polite, but it was obvious. He's very defensive of you Asher and he smiles when he says your name. Have you noticed that? I've had suspicions for a few weeks but last night it sort of jumped out at me. Or I could be wrong."

I caught myself chewing on my bottom lip. I didn't want to lie but I didn't want to cause any trouble either.

"I would rather know than not know. Okay? And I understand if you're still working things out, it doesn't seem like an easy thing. Or I don't know, maybe it's easier than it seems. Either way you can talk to me about ANYTHING, alright? I love you Asher, and I don't want you to worry about this. And if he's just a friend that's fine too. I'm really glad you have Dan now, whatever happens between you two.  It's good for you to make friends and he seems like a wonderful boy."

I hated the words that I was writing, but I had to say them. Dad would hate me.

"NO! No he would not Asher. Oh baby, he... he loves you like crazy. It might take him some time, that's all, but you know he'd do anything for you."

I shook my head. She was NOT being realistic. That's what she wanted to happen, maybe, but that 'time' she thought he needed was going to be hell in our house for as long as it took him to miraculously change his mind. It's new and I don't know yet.

"I can certainly understand that. Well you know how I feel. If you ever want to talk about things or have questions or need me, I'm here. Now it's getting late, time for church."

Can I stay home? Pls? I put my palms together and gave her my best puppy dog eyes, then threw myself back on my bed in mock exhaustion.

"Have a big test tomorrow?" she asked, winking.

Two! Don't tell dad about me please?

"I won't. But once you're sure about things please consider telling him. Give him the benefit of the doubt Asher, he might surprise you." She stood and pushed my chair back under the desk. "I guess with TWO tests tomorrow, you need all the studying time you can get. For just this week it's fine but please be here and studying when we get home so that your father doesn't question it. Deal?"

I crossed my heart. 'Thanks'.

"You're welcome dear, see you in a few hours. Oh, and Asher, when you take a break from all your hard work and studying, clean this room up."

I would clean the entire house if it meant staying home from church. It's not like it was all bad, but we were still new so I couldn't remember anyone's names and all the old ladies wanted to tell me about their strokes, or their late-husbands strokes, and every week half the people there forgot I couldn't speak. It was just too much like work. Plus it was EARLY. Who wanted to get up and be there by 9 when you had five days of early alarms staring you in the face? I snuggled back under my blankets and did my best to fall back asleep.