Mute Songbird (boyxboy) -Complete-

The long week

Monday night I'd tried to ask my mom for my phone. I signed and she understood, but she refused. I tried to tell her that Dan was gone but she had already stopped listening. I was really too numb to fight about her with it. Besides, he'd be back soon, right?

Tuesday afternoon I took a different bus home and went to the public library to try to google Dan and find out some way to email him or whatever. How did we not have each other's emails? It was simple, we didn't need them. We were together constantly and used our phones for everything. I didn't have Facebook so I wasn't sure if he did either but I was more than prepared to open an account if I could just find him, somehow. I didn't realize until that moment how cut off I was. I blamed it on moving so much but you'd think that would make me more connected. The problem was that I didn't have anyone to 'leave' so there was no reason to link up and keep in touch. I was pathetic. I walked a long two miles home and wasn't any closer to Dan than I'd been.

Wednesday during lunch I realized that I didn't even know where Pensacola was. Florida? I wasn't sure if they'd flown or driven and somehow it seemed really important to find out exactly how far away it was and guess (correctly) how they'd gotten there. If they'd flown he would be home sooner, right?

On Thursday I spent two hours of speech therapy after school trying to learn the intro to 'My name is' by Eminem. Mrs. Maldonado thought introducing myself would be a good place to start. I don't even want to imagine where she's going to get 'Asher' from. Well actually I could and it was probably going to be a replacement word for something else.

Friday night was movie night at my house and it was also apparently the start of 'Let's make Asher talk lots and lots this weekend and fix him!' weekend. By 9 pm they were both mad at me for not 'trying' enough. I ran upstairs and got my letter from Dan and handed it to mom, hoping that she would read it and understand and let me contact him somehow. She wouldn't even look at it but I have to give her credit for at least looking sad about it. I went to bed at 9:30 and slept most of Saturday.

Sunday they went to church but I refused to get out of bed. I was NOT in the mood. When they left I went and raided the kitchen, taking enough snacks back upstairs to get me through the rest of the day. I lost myself in a book, thankful for the escape. I was actually looking forward to school; at least it would help the time pass.

I woke up Monday morning absolutely certain that he would be back. He'd been gone an entire week and whose parents would let someone miss that much school? Even if his grandfather had passed, it wouldn't take this long for a funeral and stuff right? He wasn't there though and I was sort of numb by the time I got to choir. I knew he wasn't going to show up, but I kept thinking everyone who came in late was him.

Mrs. Maldonado stood up as soon as I walked into her office for therapy. "Asher, are you okay?" She looked so worried that I was afraid I was bleeding.

No, I was fine, it was her normal question. I was confused, this was an end of therapy thing. She asked me every time I left her office, either right before the bell rang or at 4:45, just before my mom picked me up at 5.

"Asher?" She handed me a notepad and I held it in my hands, just staring at it. I hadn't written anything except notes in class in a week. I looked up at her. "Tell me what's wrong. Mrs. Clark told me that you didn't sing in choir today. Are you sick? Is something bothering you? She and I are both worried about you."

I held the pen in my hand but was too distracted by my eyes watering to actually write. God this was embarrassing. This was my chance to get my phone back, maybe. Or maybe she would let me use her phone to text him? My hand was shaking but I managed to scribble Need Dan.

"I know you must miss him, Asher. He's been out of school several days, correct? I know you two are very close friends."

Need to talk to him. Please.

"How about this: I'll walk you out after therapy and talk with your mother. Perhaps something can be worked out."

Important.

"Is that all that's bothering you?"

I nodded and she dropped it. If imagining me belting out 'My name is' doesn't bring a smile to your face, you might be in as rough shape as I am. By the end of the session I could say it on demand, even if it was a bit forceful in response to your general 'Who are you?' question. Still, she was pleased so I was too.

As we headed out towards the parking lot, I heard one of the other teachers call for Mrs. Maldonado. She stopped and turned back just as my mom pulled up.

"Asher, hurry please. I need to stop by the store before dinner."

I didn't want to get into the car without waiting for Mrs. Maldonado but she was 20 feet behind me and busy. What was the point? She'd just say no anyway, probably. I got into the back seat and stared out the window. I waited in the car when mom ran in, even though she said she'd let me pick the ice cream, and retreated into my room as soon as I could.