Sugar & Kisses || Larry ||

Save me - 23

Usage of heroin warning

They all eat their ice cream in comfortable silence. Louis is getting the melting ice cream all over his face, hands and front of his shirt. Harry couldn't even be mad; it was so adorable. So he just wiped the wiggly boy's fingers and sat him down so they could walk to the car again.

As Louis is skipping to the car, they see some young girls, and it looks like they're just about to take some pictures of the group. Of course, Harry thinks, they really had to meet fans the one time Louis isn't in the headspace for it.

This isn't good. Harry is unsure how the boy will react, having not seen any fans or even other than the boys, while in headspace. What will happen?

Harry rushes over to Louis and grabs his hand to slow him down, telling him in a soft tone that he has to stay with him. Which Louis doesn't fully understand. He wanted to go back to the bus and play some more on his switch while they drove to the next location. So why is Harry making him slow down?

He is just about to ask Harry when he hears the group of girls chattering and goes over to them. They seem shy, but there is one of them who is more forward, who yells out "Harry?" in a questioning tone, like she isn't sure if they should go over and talk to them.

Harry curses under his breath. They cannot see Louis like this. He grabs the boy and goes to whisper in his ear, "Bubs, can you go back to the bus without me? Just go and get ready with your switch."

It makes the boy wonder about the girls; he doesn't want to talk to them, him being even more shy about random people in his headspace than when older. However, it is intriguing what this group of girls wants, and he wants to say hi. But no! Harry said to go back to the bus! He nods and goes skipping to the bus, ignoring the one girl who yells out his name. He doesn't want to see them make fun of him. And what if they share pictures of him in headspace? He shakes his head and runs up to the bus and looks back at Harry, who is trying to talk to the girls while looking after Louis. It makes him smile. He feels his cheek warm up. Harry is so caring.

He rushes into the bus, suddenly feeling very alone, and his eyes start to water. Why can't he be like everyone else? Why does his coping mechanism make him so vulnerable and frail?

He starts questioning if this is a good way to live. He loves the feeling of being carefree, the feeling of being taken care of. But it seems like it's so wrong. He can't ever share how much it helps. He can't have a fluffy home where he can be in headspace all the time. He has a job that requires him to be alert and available all the time.

He falls down to his knees with tears running down his cheeks, snot filling his nose. He just wants to be normal. Why isn't he normal? Why can't he just have a normal coping mechanism? Why does he even need coping mechanisms? He was doing fine! He just wanted to fit in and be himself. And yes, it probably wasn't the healthiest to drink and smoke, but it helped him! It made him be more himself.

He was doing fine before he thought he needed help. He does not need help. He should be allowed to have fun; it is his body, isn't it? He can do what he wants with his body.

He rubs his eyes roughly with his sweater paws. He suddenly feels very alone. There are way too many thoughts in his head, and he has thought himself out of his headspace. Which makes him feel even worse. Even though he hated regression, it did help him. And maybe he does need it?

No.

He doesn't need it. He isn't going to be some pathetic little baby. He doesn't need to be taken care of. He sits up sharply. He feels like he can't breathe; this is too much for him. He needs a break.

He wipes his runny nose and teary eyes, gets up and grabs his phone. Ready to find someone who could sell him some weed. No. He needs something stronger. Heroin. He has only tried it once, and it was an experience. Maybe it is time to do it again. It just felt great.