The Unique Life of an Average Girl

I Don't Know How to Feel

8/15/15

Okay, I know it has been a while since I last wrote. That good mood I was in lasted about two weeks. I guess I am writing now because I am on the verge of tears. I made the stupid mistake of listening to the song, See You again. (Well the covers). That song is about death and how one friend is having a tough day without his/her friend. This song never used to make me cry. But now it does. 

This is going to sound stupid... This song made me think of my cat; the one who was killed by a car. I only had her for about two years. She was the best. She was always there when I needed her. She would greet me when I came home, take naps with me. I could practically put her on my shoulders and she would stay there. She would wrap her paws around my arm and i would be cradling her. She was there during the really hard times. The worst times in fact. Now she is gone. When she died I couldn't stop crying and I was having anxiety attacks. I had to take a pill to calm me down. I miss her so much. She was my best friend. 

It has been 8 months but yet it feels like yesterday. How is that possible? Why won't this pain go away? I have had to go through so much pain this past year and I thought the last four were hard. Nothing could have prepared me for this pain. 

I miss my grandmother. I thought I would be relieved when she passed. But now I just want to be that little girl where she would make me lunch and cookies and we would play games or do something together. I couldn't do so much with her when she had her disease. I really can't remember her much when she didn't have it. This makes me cry more. I should have kept those memories closer to my heart. 

There is so much more I want to write, but my nose is all stuffy from crying and I need a tissue. Hopefully I don't have have make up running down my face. I forgot I had eye liner on. I think I am going to try and sleep now. Night all.