Just Breathe (IN EDITING)

Darkness

*present day*

Phils p.o.v

The darkness was suffocating, it surrounded me. I could barely breathe. It felt never ending, inevitable. It was dragging me farther and farther from any source of light. It was just so cold, and I couldn't feel anything, I couldn't feel the tears streaming down my cheeks or my screams.

Invisible claws wrapped around my ankles, tearing apart the skin on my arms and torso. Forcefully pulling me away from my own life. They wrap around my mouth muffling my screetches of terror, and claw away at my eyes as they drag me further, further,further.

There was no escaping the darkness.

"Phil"

I hear a soft voice, piercing through the darkness. Distracting me from my unbearable fear of oblivion. The claws shrink back, release what was left of me. They left me mangled and bloody, destroyed who I was while carrying me into the darkness.

"Phil, phil get up"

I can here it again, dragging me from the horror.

A sudden shake of my shoulder has me jolting up in the bed with sweat covering my body and tears covering the pillow beneath me.

Breaths are wracking my lungs, leaving my body just as quick as they enter. I'm desperate to catch my breath, coughing and sputtering on the screams that got caught in my throat.

After taking a few moments to catch my breath and recovering from my night terror I allow my eyes to wonder, landing on a pair of deep green ones staring back at me curiously.

"Evan, hi"

He was sitting next to me on the small bed, hand still on my shoulder. His hair was messy, the curls very obviously tangled and out of place. He's wearing a jumper with our unis logo and a pair of pyjama bottoms. He looked so charming, even with his messy bed hair and old pj's.

His eyes narrowed and his brows knitted together with confusion at my casual words. I'm sure that wasn't the response we was expecting.

I hope he doesn't read to far into this. I can't have him thinking I'm getting bad again. I'm okay, I'm going to be okay it's just a few nightmares here and there. I've handled a lot worse.

I don't speak quite yet, giving him the oppurtunity to say what I know he's thinking. I know what he wants to say, I'm just not sure if he's going to. I'm just not sure if he cares, after all it hasn't seemed like he's cared all that much the last few days anyway.

Maybe he's finally fed up with my nonsense. After all if I was in his position I would be. He's spent years helping me through so much when my life isn't even worth it. I hope he doesn't resent me. I need him in my life, I love him. If he gave up on me it would break me. So I'm okay, I'll be okay. I'll be okay if it means him staying by my side.

His eyes stare deeply into mine, as if he was trying to read my thoughts and assess the situation. He does this, he tries so hard to fix things but refuses to ask people if they even need fixing. He's done it so many times, hurt so many people in the past by basing his actions off of assumptions rather than facts. Evan just cares so much and sometimes it does more harm than good.

He doesn't break the gaze and neither do I. I could never pass up an oppurtunity to stare into that boys eyes. They were well, breathtaking. I remember the first time I saw him, well the first time I saw him sober anyway and when our eyes locked it took my breath away. His eyes are so wide, rimmed with thick black lashes and little wrinkles.

He's not one to show emotion, and even though most people have made the conclusion that the boy is too hard to feel, they're all wrong. They just aren't looking closely enough. They don't see him the way I do.