Just Breathe (IN EDITING)

Snow

Present Day

*Phil's POV*

My mind refuses to stop racing with the weight of thousands of words on my way returning to the hospital. It has proven to be one of the longest twenty four hours of my entire existence and the relief I feel is indescribable at the premise of returning to Evan. Returning to the place in which I belong. Although this is contrasted with the guilt that is weighing down my heart and pulling my focus away from the busy road. Stirring my thoughts even more so, the fear quite evident.

I can only begin to anticipate the kind of things I will have to endure in my attempts to prove to Evan my remorse towards betraying him, towards not even granting him the benefit of the doubt in the situation. It truly is unforgivable what I did, believing he could commit such a monstrosity without even looking at all of the facts. The moment Lilah told me the truth so many things came flashing back to me, so many things which I should have realized before jumping to such rash conclusions. Evan is a gentle man with a kind heart, he is protective over those he loves and is willing to spend the entirety of his life warding of those who try to hurt them. So why in gods name would he ever assault Lilah? I wish that I had more thoroughly thought the things I was accusing him of through before going and shattering what we had. Rather I took the word of a man who I barely know and quite evidently despises me, and took a sledge hammer to our delicate friendships.

Evan does not trust easily, if trust at all. All his life he has been pouring tiny pieces of himself into other people only to have that thrown back into his face when they take these tiny pieces and stomp on them. That's exactly what I did, he devoted so much into trusting me, and I tore it to shreds. He had lied to me, and he had turned to medication rather than turning to me. These are facts that are true and yet they do not seem to begin to amount to the horrible injustice upon him caused by me. In fact those things make what I did, what I accused him of even worse. He felt so alone, so broken that he couldn't even turn to his best friend. He was so desperate to be okay again that he started taking pills, he was so alone. Yet I ignored this, and chose to make the selfish decision of leaving him when he needed me most.

The painfully loud ringing of my phone in the empty passenger seat yanked me away from my thoughts. Admittedly I am thankful for this considering I should know better than to zone out when driving. The air is quiet, and the day is growing dark. To my surprise the rainy weather has shifted and now soft snowflakes are falling from the sky and onto the windshield. There are little vehicles around me and despite my being in the car I can sense the peacefulness of the air, I can sense the world resting.

Before it stops ringing I reach over quickly to grasp onto my phone. On a typical day when I am lucky enough to be borrowing someones car rather than walking I would have ignored the phone while driving, but this is different. I don't even want to risk missing an important call had it concerned Evan, or even was from Evan. I must say I am desperate to hear his voice, desperate to ramble off my infinite apologies. I move to press accept, thankful when I notice a road sign indicating I am a mere minute or two from the hospital.

"Hello?" I ask the second the phone is pressed to my ear. Desperation is clear in my tone as well as a slight bit of excitement at the idea of it being Evan. I hadn't even thought to check the caller ID before answering, not wanting to take my eyes off the road considering the less than perfect driving weather.

"Hey there pretty boy." The world freezes. My smile drops. The only thing I can hear is my tires dull dragging against the road and my own heartbeat thrashing in  my ears.

"Mike how did you get my number?" I ask calmly, attempting to not alert him of my slightly panicked disposition. Mike wouldn't be calling me for a chit chat. Especially now that I'm sure he knows I've been educated on the lies he told me. Word travels fast around campus.