Just Breathe (IN EDITING)

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*present day*

Phil's p.o.v

"What did you do? What did you fucking do!"

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to Phil I'm so sorry"

"Your sorrys mean nothing, well matter how many times you say it, it won't bring you back"

"I tried to stay Phil, I tried so hard"

"Well Evan you didn't try hard enough"

It was the soft hand gently shaking me that woke me from my nightmare. If I had to choose one I'd say this was the worst dream I've ever had. Nightmares aren't supposed to be real.

It takes a few more seconds of my blank stareing to realize that the women who had awoken me was trying to get my attention, and quite miserably failing. Before responding I stretch out my arms and legs, trying to work out all the knots I've aquired through sitting in an uncomftorable wooden chair all night. I clear my throat before speaking with a raspy voice, raw from sobbing.

"I'm sorry, what were you saying?" She gives me an apologetic smile, understanding how much must be on my mind currently. One would assume that my usually endless thoughts would be even more ruthless, but in reality they aren't. I'm just too numb to think anything right now, too numb to remember anything but the way the blood looked as it seeped through his arms and stained my kitchen counter. Too numb to remember anything but the sight of him laying unconcese and the way I screamed while trying to figure out why I hadn't noticed the blood staining his dark jacket sleeves and dripping down his fingertips as he struggled to walk. A small cough from the woman reminds me that once again I had missed what she was saying. With a quite huff she repeats herself for what must be the fifth time now.

"You're Evan Millikens emergency contact correct?" I straighten up quickly upon hearing this, when we came in on the ambulance they had simply told me that they would do everything they could and would send someone when they had some new information. Of course I desperately tried to fight this, making quite the scene and probably scaring a few children sat in the waiting room but I couldn't care, the was the person I loved. That must have been hours ago. I respond to the woman with a frantic nod, signaling that I'm listenting so she can continue speaking. The solemn look in her eyes when she opened her mouth made my heart stop and breath catch in my throat.

"He's going to be okay"
In that moment I swear everything around me stopped moving, if just for a second. Evan was my person, and he was going to be okay. I'm his person and he's mine and we're both going to be okay. We're going to protect each other and we're going to love each other and everything is going to be okay from now on. I can just feel it.

"We stitched him up, and gave him some sedatives. But he lost a lot of blood and there's no telling what long term damage has been done to his body as well as his mind." rather than responding I just nod along and let her continue. I'm too desperate to hear everything she has to say, to make sure that he is alright.

"We've decided to put him on a 24 hour suicide watch, just to ensure that he's okay. He is over 18 so we can't force him into anything but we highly suggest that he is seen by a phycologist and as soon as possible". Her words frustrate me a bit, as if it was even a question that I would ensure that he saw a therapist. I want nothing more than for him to be happy.

"Phil right?" I nod reassuring her that she has my name right.

"He will be free to be discharged tommorow around noon, and unfortunately as you are not an immediate family member we can not allow you to visit him. We suggest you go get some rest." I have a huge problem with this but I suppose I should just let it go, considering there are some other things I need to deal with. I smile at the woman politely and begin to gather my things and stand to leave, before I can walk more than a step the woman speaks up again.