Let You Go | Osamu Miya

Panic

"What the hell happened?"

Atsumu stood outside of his brother's room. Hospital room. He looked between his parents, waiting for some type of explanation.

"He's okay, Atsumu. He just had some bad side effects of his chemo. He should be back home in a day or two."

"But... But he's been fine up until now."

His mom frowned. "Sometimes these things just happen suddenly."

"I hate this," Atsumu muttered. "Can I at least go in and see him?"

"One thing before you do. You know how he's been forgetful recently?"

Atsumu nodded.

"Well, that's one of his side effects. It's not too bad, but if you're talking to him about something and he doesn't remember, just be easy on him, okay?"

"I could never blame him for something like that."

Atsumu said goodbye to his parents, who had to leave for work, and turned towards the door. He braced himself.

He wanted to see Osamu more than anything, but sometimes... Sometimes seeing him this way was worse than anything.

He went in and smiled when he saw that Osamu looked fine, at least. He was awake and scrolling on his phone.

"Hey Samu. How ya feeling?"

Osamu looked up from his phone and smiled at him. "Believe it or not, not the worst."

Atsumu laughed. He sat down next to the bed and glanced over his twin. His bruising had been getting worse, recently. And his left hand was clutching a cloth covered in blood.

"It's fine," Osamu said, noticing his gaze. "I've just been coughing a bit."

"Alright," Atsumu said and smiled. He wondered how convincing he was, pretending to be happy and nonchalant.

"Hey, do you know when Kita and Aran's grad party is? I forgot to write it down."

"Oh, yeah. It's next Friday at three."

Osamu smiled in thanks. Atsumu watched over his shoulder as he put the date in his phone.

He flinched when Osamu started coughing, and fresh blood splattered all over the handkerchief. When the fit had passed, Osamu elbowed him. "I promise I'm fine. So let's talk about literally anything happy."

"Well, I do have some good news. But I don't know if I can tell you without mom and dad here."

"I need some happiness in my life. Spill."

Atsumu grabbed his brother's hand and grinned. "You got accepted into that culinary camp in July!"

Osamu's eyes lit up, and he smiled back.

"If you're messing with me I'll kill you."

"I would joke with you about many things, Samu, but never this. I am so proud of you."

Osamu leaned his head on Atsumu's outstretched arm. "Now if only I could stand long enough to cook a simple meal."

"You'll be able to soon enough, bro. Don't worry about it too much."

"Yeah... Oh, hey. Can you do something for me?" Osamu sat up.

"Sure thing."

"Do you think you could ask Kita and Aran when when their party is?"

Atsumu's heart dropped.

Osamu sighed. "I know they mentioned it before but I don't remember."

"Yeah, I'll ask," Atsumu muttered. His hands started to shake, and he had to sit on them to hide it. He had been warned, but he didn't expect this.

Osamu raised a brow. "Is something wrong?"

"No, no. I've just been thinking about what snack to get you. I've been told you haven't eaten yet." More lying, and pretending things are okay.

"My hero," Osamu laughed. "Honestly, right now I would take literally anything other than jello."

"Alright. I'll be right back."

Atsumu got up and headed towards the door. On his way out he could hear his brother going into another coughing fit. He winced and left the room.

As soon as he shut the door behind him he leaned against the wall and pulled out his phone.

"Hello?"

"I need help, Kita."

"Okay sure. What's going on?"

Atsumu put a hand over his heart, which felt like it was going a hundred miles an hour. "How do you know if you're having a panic attack?"

Kita sighed, probably with worry. "Okay, how does your body feel right now?"

"My heart is beating so fast. And it's like there's a weight on my chest." He looked down at the hand covering his heart. "And my hands won't stop shaking."

"Okay, okay. Are you sitting or standing?"

"Standing."

"First things first. Sit down."

Atsumu did as instructed.

"Keep in mind what helps me does not help everyone. But try putting your head between your knees. Then take slow breaths and exhale, five seconds each time."

He followed Kita's instructions. Thankfully, it only took about three minutes for him to calm down. And the whole time, Kita stayed on the phone with him, waiting patiently.

"How are you feeling?"

"Better, thank you."

There was a pause, and then Kita said, "Do you want to tell me what's going on?"

Atsumu sighed. "It's Samu. I just don't know how to talk to him without panicking anymore. He's even more sick, and his side effects are horrible and-"

"Take a breath, Atsumu."

He inhaled. "Sorry. It's just that he's in the hospital again, and there's nothing I can actually do for him. And well... I don't love seeing him like this."

"I get it. And it's completely reasonable. Do you need me to come? I'm sure Osamu would like the company, and maybe I could just try to steady you a bit."

"Do you mind?"

Atsumu could almost see the offense on Kita's face. "Of course not. I'll be there as soon as I can."

"Thank you," Atsumu sighed in relief. He hung up and braced himself to go back in. As soon as he entered the room, Osamu glared at him.

"Dude. You litterly forgot my snacks."

Atsumu laughed in relief. Of course he would remember something like that.

"Oh yeah. Well actually Kita is coming for a visit, so I thought I'd wait till he got here."

"Fine, I can accept that." Osamu patted the chair next to his bed for Atsumu to come sit down. "Suna is with his uncle today, but he said he would try to leave early and come see me tomorrow. Do you think I should tell him I'm fine and to stay there?"

Atsumu raised a brow. Suna was one of the most stubborn people he knew, almost as bad as Osamu. "You really think he'll listen?"

"Okay, yeah, you're right. There's no point."

There was a knock on the door, and Kita popped his head in.

"Am I interrupting?"

The blonde twin stared at him. "How did ya get here so fast?"

"I was literally right across the street when you called." He fully entered the room and shut the door. "So, what have I missed?"

Both of the twins smiled at him. "Oh, you have no idea."