The World Behind My Wall

Chapter Eleven: Wake Me Up When September Ends

Warning: contains thoughts and actions of self harm so if you are easily triggered, you've been warned.

"What do you mean? No. This can't be happening, not now. Tell me you're joking." I choked back tears, trying my absolute hardest to stay calm and at least somewhat rational.

"I wish I was. Her doctor just called to tell me. I..." Mark's voice broke and he began to sob; so did I. "I can't talk. I'll text you."

"'Kay." I heard a dial tone and dropped my phone on the boardwalk.

"What happened?" Bill asked. I couldn't answer, couldn't bring myself to say anything because the sudden pain and absolute shock I felt numbed everything around me. It was like someone had ripped my heart out, stomped on it, and tried to put it back in its proper place. "Ellie?"

"Is she ok?" Tommy. "What's wrong?"

"I don't know. D'you remember the way back to the house?"

The next thing I know, I'm in Bill's room, lying on his bed. Of course Mark has already called Carolyn by now and I hear her crying in the room she and Tom share across the hall. Bill fell asleep next to me at some point; I dry my eyes and pull my buzzing phone out of my pocket.

Most of my notifications are from Facebook and I don't bother checking, knowing they will probably be about Mom, and that is something I really don't want to deal with right now.

Mark: I guess she somehow snuck a pair of scissors in her room and cut so deep she basically bled out. By the time the nurses found her it was too late.

Mark: I can't do this alone. Planning a funeral. Dealing with family members who only give a shit now that she's gone.

Mark: just.... Let me know when you'll be coming home. I have a meeting with a funeral director tomorrow.

"Bill. Wake up." I shook him and when he didn't budge, kicked him off the bed. He groaned, sat up, and shot me a glare. "Mom's committed suicide. I need to go back, tomorrow."

"If that's what you want." Bill sighed, frowning. "I'll miss you. A lot."

"I'll miss you, too. Christmas isn't that far away and maybe we'll be together again by then. I don't want to go back, but I have to. I can't have Mark do everything himself. He was closest to..." I shook my head, willing myself not to cry again.

"Hand me my phone, I'll book you a flight. As soon as you know when the funeral is, let me know. I want to be there. I will make time for it." I passed him his phone and watched as he booked a first class flight back to Nova Scotia. "Family always comes first, no matter what. You are my family."

"Shush. You'll make me cry again." I mumbled and got off the bed to gather my belongings. Good thing I'd done my laundry last night. Now all I had to do was fold and pack clothes. It was no surprise when Bill pulled my two suitcases out of his closet and began to help.

---

"You're not even gone yet and I miss you already." Bill yawned; we'd just woken up. I squint to look at the clock; 7 am, and my flight was at 11.
I still have to say goodbye to everyone and I'm really not looking forward to leaving. But who knows, maybe after the funeral is over and done with, I'll come back. Maybe even stay for good. I can honestly say I belong here, with Bill and these wonderful people he considers family.

"Yeah." I say and open my eyes slowly, letting them adjust to the sunlight. "How long have you been watching me sleep, Edward Cullen?"

"Edward is a creep. Can't I be Jasper instead?" He nuzzles his face into my hair.