The World Behind My Wall

Chapter Thirteen: Is This What You Call A Family

Song: Slipped Away - Avril Lavigne

"I'm so sorry for your loss." Dr Gossler, Mom's psychologist, says as he shakes Mark's hand. "More importantly, I'm sorry I didn't see the signs in time. I could have prevented this from happening."

"Don't beat yourself up over it. This would have happened sooner or later." Mark told him. I excused myself, knowing I was next and I didn't really feel like talking to him.

Not only had he been Mom's psychologist, he was mine as well. He'd booked an appointment with me for next week, to see how I was doing and how much I've progressed. So he could send in his sixth-month report to the Department of Social Services or something like that.

I didn't see Bill anywhere, and just figured he was outside smoking. I looked out a window; I was right. He was with several great uncles and a cousin. They appeared to be getting along, from what I could tell.
Younger cousins were standing around the tables of food. Old ladies talked to Carolyn and Tom over Skype, as Mark had set up a computer earlier this morning while Bill and I arranged food and other minor details.

Mom's stepbrother, Uncle Clark, and his four oldest children (he has seven in total, that we know of) are the last to arrive. He didn't really like us, and the feeling is more than mutual. When Mom was first hospitalized he blamed it on us, said we were disrespectful, a handful; that we were to blame for her mental instability and maybe if we'd behaved, helped out more, it never would have happened. He wasn't the only one to think that and most of Mom's family shunned us. They were only here to pay their respects to her, and to more than likely judge us.

"Hey, Elena." Clarisse, Uncle Clark's daughter who's the same age as Mark and snotty as hell, gave me a forced smile. "You still playing the whole 'I'm mute, pity me' card? Getting a bit old, don't you think?"

"I never wanted to be pitied for something I couldn't control." I say through clenched teeth.

"Mhm. Sure." Clarisse rolled her blue eyes. "You actually paid someone to come dressed as the Grim Reaper? Wow. This is a joke."

"Ok, bye." I walk away before I say something that I probably won't regret. But no, she decided to follow me. "What do you want, Clarisse?"

"He's going to leave you, you know. He can easily find someone better. He could have anyone he wanted in a heartbeat." she was right. Absolutely right. "And your sister? I'll bet in two years she'll move back home with another kid and pregnant, single, and broke as fuck."

"Are you done? Because I have other things to do." Like hide in the bathroom and cry. But I'm not about to let her know that.

"Not even close." She says with a bitchy grin.

"Ellie! There you are!" Bill takes my hand in his and I let out a sigh of relief. He turns to Clarisse and introduces himself. "I'm Bi-"

"I know who you are, we all do. And quite honestly, I think you can do so much better than her." She interrupted him. Bill hates being interrupted like that, and I can easily read the expression on his face. He is very obviously angry. He can get pretty bitchy, and sarcastic, when he's angry. And mean, if it's in defense. Very mean. I read some of the messages he'd sent Aunt Cindy through my Facebook a couple months ago.

"I'll bet you have daddy issues, don't you." Bill said coldly and Clarisse glared at him.

"Excuse me?! The only one with 'daddy issues' here is her. Stupid fucking emo hipster fag." She proceeded to cuss Bill out and stalked off before he could really say anything.

"You don't really want to be here, do you?" he asked and I shook my head. "Come on, let's go outside."

-x-x-

"I heard what she said to you, that I'd leave you once someone better came along." Bill finally said, his voice cutting through the silence. I turn my head so I wouldn't have to look at him, because deep down I actually kind of believed what Clarisse had said. "You have to know I'd never do that. There is no one on this fucking earth who could replace you, or change the way I feel about you. You are the one I want, who I need."

Hot tears rolled down my cheeks and I don't even bother wiping them away. "But what if-"

"No. It's not going to change. Not now, not ever. Look at me."

I look up at him and noticed that he was crying as well. "Why are you crying?"

"You cry, I cry. You're my soulmate, Elena. And I'll do everything in my power to not lose you. That's a promise." And then we were kissing, and I didn't want it to stop.

"Elena, what in God's name are you doin'?!" Uncle Clark interrupted and we quickly pulled apart. "Absolutely disrespectful. At your own mother's funeral!"

"Sorry, Uncle Clark." my face goes red and I run back inside. Straight into the bathroom I go, locking the door. I slide to the floor and have a full-blown panic attack.

As soon as it's passed I vomit into the trash bin, twice.

I get up and wash my face with cold water, attempt to fix my hair only for it to end up in a low ponytail. I check my phone for the time and see that I have two missed calls from Bill, and begin typing out a text.

Me: I'm ok

Lies. I am NOT okay, not in the slightest.

Bill: where are you? I know you're not 'okay' Elena

I wait a good five minutes before I reply. Never in my life have I wanted to cut more than I do now.

Me: I'm in the bathroom. I'll be out in a few minutes.

And then I text Mark, because I don't want Bill to see me like this, not yet. There's a knock on the door. "Len, it's me. Open up."

"Thank god." I mutter and let my brother in.

"Wow. What happened? You look like shit."

"I had a panic attack. I'm quite aware of the fact that I look like shit, Meck." I say shakily, using his old nickname I had given him as a child; I couldn't really pronounce my r's until I was ten and even now I still have trouble sometimes. "I don't want to go out there, not if Uncle Clark and 'oh-look-at-me-I'm-the-definition-of-perfect' Clarisse are going to stare and judge me the whole bloody time they're here."

"Well, good news - they've left. Now come on. We can talk about this later, as soon as we get back home. You're worrying Bill. He thinks you're hurting yourself." Mark said and opened the bathroom door. "Let's go. You'll be fine, just stay close to Bill and don't wander off."

Mark was right. I stuck around Bill until everyone left, and we cleaned the place up and were packing everything into the van, Mark's latest fixer-upper, when a shiny red car pulled into the parking lot. I paid no attention to them, until Bill told me to get into the van and hide.

"Who is it?" I whispered.

"Your aunt from the pits of Tartarus." Bill said and shut the door. The window was open and I could hear Aunt Cindy fighting with Mark, offended that she hadn't been told about Mom's 'funeral.'

And guess who was violating three restraining orders? Aunt Cindy, that's who. So I called the police station, and they sent a couple officers out.

I get out of the van. "You weren't invited because, in case you've forgotten, we have restraining orders against you. Are you really that fucking slow? Do I need to spell it out for you?"

"Elena." Aunt Cindy growled and strode towards me and slapped me, hard, across the face just as the police arrived. "You little bitch. You called them, didn't you?!"

"Stay away from her!" Bill ran in my direction and pushed Aunt Cindy away from me.

"How dare you touch me! Uncultured German swine!" she spat at Bill and turned to the officer behind her holding out a pair of handcuffs. "Get away from me!"

"Ma'am, you've violated several restraining orders and need to come down to the station with us." he said and with the help of his partner, cuffed her, and put her in the back seat of the police car.

So I'm cutting this shorter than I originally planned because I just found out that my great grandmother died this morning.

Let me know what you think.. all that stuff...