Beautiful Things (SeaChaos)

Chapter 33 - Remember

~Chilled's POV~

"Chilled, have you finished the report on Brown?" Ze asks suddenly causing me to blink and realize I'm at work... needing to actually work. Nodding I search through my papers and find what he was asking about and hand it to him but as he grabs the paper he seems a bit distracted. They just had their Nanners meeting a moment ago, without me since I'm supposedly no longer a part of that case. They probably had their discussion about the entire situation, the one person who's getting away from us repeatedly who made an announcement that this is the last time that he will steal something here. I wonder... does that mean that Adam is planning on leaving soon? To be quitting? Or is he just finally tired of this whole stealing thing? I honestly don't understand him but I don't want to look too much into it or else I'll remember something I didn't want to. I'm such a pussy, afraid of my own memories that may come back to me that could be literally anything. What I am most afraid of remembering so far though... is exactly how I found out Adam was Nanners in the first place.

"How was the meeting?" I ask him out of curiosity and he sighs, shrugging before leaning on the wall and seeming disturbed by something. I stare at him for a while before glancing back down at my work and feeling a bit strange. We used to talk all the time all about Nanners, it didn't disturb him at all but now he makes it seem like it's none of my business, not my case and it pisses me off. But it also unsettles me, because I know Ze wouldn't keep something from me unless he's trying to protect me and it makes me more afraid of the memories I still have lost. I wonder... I wonder if he'll still be at my house when I get home.... I'm not even sure if I want him there or not. I love him but I hate him. I don't get myself at all. Sounds like I got into some real deep shit in the time my memories were lost, it's all just a huge mess.

"How've you been feeling?" Ze asks and I stay silent, staring at the man's chest for a while just to be staring at something.

"Honestly? I've been feeling like shit.... I'm in love with a fucking criminal Ze," I admit and he immediately hesitates but immediately drops his things on my desk and sits down in front of me. The interested look in his eyes tells me he definitely knew something about this and he's like an old fucking granny that is interested in my own story.

"You... you're saying it? You realize he can get-"

"Yeah I fucking know, it probably doesn't matter anyways. I'd bet he isn't in town anymore," I mutter, leaning on my hand as I stare at my own computer screen full with things from other cases, pretty much every case Sark can put me on except for Nanners'. I find my finger tapping lightly on a key in particularly, the speed increasing more and more as I feel my mind going insane. I never thought I'd be in so much trouble after just a month or so of doing the regular things I do. It wasn't even a long period of time and yet I have a strange feeling... like I don't even know myself after just a month. I'm hell sure that I wouldn't have sucked a guy's dick the last time I remember. The memory causes me to flinch in disgust... at least that part is still in my system, I wasn't completely lost in that time. I don't think... I want to remember the rest.

"So... you wouldn't mind telling Sark exactly who the criminal is?" Ze asks with a bit of a teasing smile that causes me to hesitate.... Fuck Ze, he reads me so well and knows I basically can't physically tell them the guy everyone's looking for. For all I know, however, he's already left and I'll never see him again and possibly return to my life before all of this shit happened.... I hate this empty feeling that hurts me whenever I think about it like that, the way I should be thinking about this all because I know that Nanners is an asshole who deserves to be locked up. But... I don't even know why. But I also don't want to know why. I'm just a big fucking mess right now.