Who We Are(The Outsiders Fanfiction)

48|"Skyler Elizabeth..."

<Skyler's POV>

The inside of my arm looks as if it has been hit with a base ball. Purple bruises have formed on my skin from the needle injections of heroine. I look to Rob and nod. After the argument with Dally I went home and sat in Tibby's room for hours.

Chris and I had put our hearts into her nursery. We used the little money we had to make sure each spot on the bed had a tiny pillow. Made sure there were no dark colors in the room. All of our money went to that beautiful room from its pictures of Chris, Pony, Johnny, Darry, Soda, Two-Bit, Steve, and Dally to the soft carpeted floor. The pictures were the most important part of he room in my point of view. There is even a picture Chris and Soda together. Having Tibby see the gangs faces was the most important thing to me. The gang saved me, Tibby must understand that when she is older.

The only thing on that wall that made my literally want to throw myself out of the top story window of a skyscraper were two pictures. One of them is a picture of Dally and I. We are at the Curtis's in the living room sitting in the couch. Darry snapped a picture of us smiling at each other because something Steve said. I remember that day. We had kissed long and passionately after that. I miss the taste of his lips on mine to much.

The other picture was of just me. My belly is swollen and I'm shoving a piece of chocolate cake in my mouth while laughing. I killed me to know that Dally had ripped that picture off the wall. Though he left the picture of the two of us up. That picture is now floating around somewhere. Probably in the trash or burned. Dally said he only had two pictures of just me. The one on the wall here and one in a book Chris and Pony made. The book includes pictures of people we love and lost. At the time the book was made I was gone. I'm on the last page smirking as I look down at the ground. It surprised me that I was smiling in both pictures. Over a year ago it was nearly impossible to see me smile. That's how I know being with the gang, who are good people no matter what anyone says, has changed me. Everything that has happened proves that. When I first met Dallas I thought of him as society had thought of him. A worthless bad boy. Little did I know he has a heart, you just have to be the key. In my mind Christina was just a happy little girl in the midst of a gang of seven guys. In reality she is a past broken child and a tough girl. Soda is a boy who fell head over heels for a girl he thought he couldn't have. Everyone is so different now that I know them. Truly know them.

That's why I want Tibby to see them so often. She will love them most certainly, but probably not me.
But that is my own fault because I'm Skyler Elizabeth Hills and I'm fucked up.

Now I don't even see her in that nursery where Chris and I hung all those pictures as Dallas watched smiling in the doorway. Yet, it's still better this way. She can't see me like this, even as a baby. Tibby deserves more than me.

I had sat there in the middle of the floor clutching the picture of Dally and I. The frame it was in was thrown somewhere across the room, forgotten. I breathed in the smell of my daughter and husband which just made my makeup drip and my heart throb. It was worse than any pain I had ever felt. I've lost it all.

After I had cried my eyes out for a good half hour I shoved the picture of Dallas and I into my pocket and went to look for a distraction. Eventually I found Rob at a small party. I pulled him into the back room. Knowing he has the needles in his pocket I reached in and grabbed one.

"Okay, but you have had a lot," he warns. I roll my eyes and flick he tip of my cigarette on the ashtray.

"Just do it, I don't care anymore," I snarl. Rob aims the needle and then presses it into my skin. My whole body freezes in place as the liquid enters my body. With my eyes closed, small images flicker inside my eyelids like small movie screens. "I hope I die," I mumble.

I remember when I told Dally that I came to Tulsa to escape the drinks and drugs. They had begun to control my life in the city. When my parents died that's what I turned to. Now I guess these things are inescapable. At this point I guess I'm hoping for an overdose that kills me. Everyone would be happier without my troubles anyways. "I'm gonna go Rob," I say dropping my cancer stick.

"What? You shouldn't go out on the streets like this. Especially since it's already eight o'clock," Rob warns. I give him the same look I did when he asked my if I was sure about another dosage.

"Didn't you hear me? I don't care," I snap. Carelessly and very high I stumble out of the house and step out onto the uneven side walk. With every click of my shoes hitting the ground my head pounds more. All of my blood feels thick. Probably the drugs. Or maybe it's because I just realized I can see the Curtis house about three feet away. Everything is how it was a few hours ago. A pile of big work tools from Darry. Cigarette buts around the porch support beams. Precisely the Curtis's home.

Once I make it to a viewing point where I can see through the window I watch them. The whole gang is sitting eating dinner. Now that Soda is back they're one big happy family again. Mostly because I am gone. I love every single on of them. All of their beautifully awkward personalities are a contributing factor to my adornment but the main reason is their love for each other. It had always been the thing I loved about them.

My breath hitches in my throat and I feel my heart skip a beat. Losing my balance I fall back into Darry's work tools which includes of course, a shovel. Just like the one he told me he was obsessed with when he was young. As I try to breathe I see the gang rushing out of the house. The noise of the clattering tools must of alarmed them. My whole mind begins to go blank.

Through my blurry vision I see Dallas look down at me confused and worried. He kneels next to me and grabs my cheeks in his hands. The last thing I hear before my whole world is engulfed in darkness is Dallas asking worrily, "Skyler Elizabeth, are you okay?"

I wish I could smile. Mostly because he called me by my full name. I miss that.

I miss him.

A/N I hate myself. I love you guys. This chapter hurts. Like A LOT.

Stick with me babes.

Sorry SPOONS

Stay gold💛

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