Who We Are(The Outsiders Fanfiction)

96| "You're Just Tripping"

<SKyler's POV>

"Steve-"

"Don't suppose I'm fit to be a dad huh." Steve looks into my eyes with intense purpose. My heart breaks for him. Steve's dark eyes, pupils insanely dilated, stare at me, like he is looking for answers. My heart aches for him. I remember a conversation we had at Pony's graduation all those months ago. 

"Lena just brought up having kids eventually the other night and I panicked," Steve informs me. I look quickly to Lena who is all to caught up in a conversation with Chris. Looking to my right I see Dallas talking and laughing with Tibby. The chatter around the auditorium keeps Steve and I's voices hidden. Looking back to Steve I see he is actually shaking.

"What?" I question, hoping to get a more in depth explanation. Steve holds his knees tightly.

"It's like I said, I loved parts of you, the parts that were reckless and unplanned, when Lena started making plans it's like I was seeing the motherly side of you. It's not like I hate kids, I love Tibby and Josh, but they aren't mine, I am not always responsible for them, I'm not ready for family plans, and for a moment I remembered the reckless side of you and I fell back into my emotions," Steve explains. So he is afraid.

"Steve I hate to tell you this, but I'm not always going to be reckless and neither is Lena, so I suggest you find a way to lock away those romantic feelings towards me because for once in my life I am genuinely happy," I say forcefully.

"Really? You're happy? Charlie Winston could literally show up whenever the fuck he wants and take you Chris and Tibby," Steve reminds me.

"I can't fucking believe you! Just let it go! I'm trying to be happy and not live in fear! Be fucking happy for me, lord knows I've been happy for you and Lena."

"Steve, Tibby and Josh and all the kids, they love you-"

"And I would die for them Skyler, in a second, but they ain't mine. I am not ready Skyler." Steve pulls a flask from his pocket. Taking a swig, he does not even flinch. His lips purse as he finally looks away from me. Again I feel my heartstrings pull.

"Despite the fact you are worried about what kind of father you would be, how do you feel about it. Do you want kids?" I ask him. I see the veins in his neck pulse and his tendons go taught.

"Skyler I don't know, Lena will be great, she is nervous be she , she is just so amazing, and she wants them, but I just..." I take Steve's hand.

"I understand Steve, I mean look at me, my fear became my reality," I say morbidly.Steve looks up at me with a disturbed looks, suddenly not as concerned with his flask. His eyes pry at me like little claws, scratching for information.

"What fear?" Steve asks, his brows furrowed. I hold back tears.

"I'm a bad mom." The words leave my mouth, and I know that they are true. I am not there for my children as I should be.

"Thats not true Skyler Elizabeth," Dallas insists, his voice straining, now standing in the doorway. He walks slowly over to me in the bed, patting Steve on the back as he does so. Steve offers a small smirk and wanders off into the bathroom while Dallas sits next to me. We sit in silence for a few seconds. "It was so easy," Dally states. I stare at him confused. "It was so fucking easy to fall in love with you Skyler Elizabeth." Dallas now looks at me, our faces nearly touching. He places his hand on my cheek. "And I am never going to stop loving you, ever," he promises me. I start to cry, yet again. Dallas's hand slides to my chin, pulling my lips to his. We kiss slowly, tears falling between our mouths. "And you Skyler Elizabeth, are a great mom, you just need to help yourself right now, you need to get better."