So turns out this whole pneumonia thing was a lot worse and a lot scarier than they let on that first day.
I had sepsis! On top of the pneumonia! I tried to understand what the doctor was saying and I think it boils down to this: I got sick with a cold, that cold became bronchitis, that bronchitis had some bacteria get in due to my weakened immune system, and that caused pneumonia, and I was septic when I came in.
Sepsis can kill you in hours! I had no idea how close to death I was. It has made me rethink so many things about the way I live my life. I am always going a hundred miles an hour, feeling like I'm running for my life, and I just can't live that way anymore. I'm going to need to ask for help (and you know how I feel about that), and it's a lesson learned.
Turns out, if you have hallucinations and are dizzy with a fever, that's not normal. That's sepsis. I was hallucinating and I was super dizzy, but I assumed it was due to the fever which got as high as 104 at times.
No. Nope. No.
It is not a fever. That's a medical emergency. I feel really stupid. Like why did I think any of this was normal? I felt like I was on a rollercoaster every time I stood up. I remember looking down at my hands and seeing all these black hairs sprouting out of my fingers and just kinda laughing it off, like, oh you silly fever you! Look at this dumb hallucination!
I could not feel luckier or stupider right now. What if my husband hadn't insisted on taking me in? Would I be dead? Does it just happen so quickly? I guess so. The thought of leaving my sweet babies to grapple with my absence is the most terrifying thought in the world. They are already traumatized from this week and constantly asking if I'm okay. The girl took it hardest and started acting out and potty-ing in her pants again, even though she's been potty trained for months now. It just breaks my heart.
Going forward I'm going to be a lot more aware of my body and what is actually normal versus not. I can't afford the risk of this happening again.
YOU ARE READING
Maybe We Should Go Back
Non-FictionI decided to make a space to rant, discuss, review and just get things off my chest. Please note that mental illness and addiction are things I live with, so this might be triggering to some. I'm holding nothing back.
