Let's just say... I don't feel festive.
I have never been so rich, yet so broke, in my whole goddamn life. Every cent of my (decent and reasonable 10 years ago) paycheck goes to bills and various fuckeries like 300 dollar groceries and 80 dollar gas. I'm at the point where I hate this country.
No, that isn't exactly true.
I don't hate America, or the intent behind the creation of our nation. It was good intent; it was fair- a democracy with the ability to change as the times changed and we realized our mistakes. It was a thing to be proud of. Truly. And I am still proud of that idea. I am.
But I hate this fucking country right now.
I hate what we've become, I hate Trump, and I hate the destruction of everything that was ever good and right. I hate the obsession with Christianity. I hate the bullshit hate. I hate the corruption. I hate the unfairness. I hate the suffering. I hate the ignorance. I hate that just 10 years ago, there was hope and life was normal, and now there's only dread and survival. I hate having to go on like this for untold decades to come, and that's IF we get a good president (or any president other than Trump) when the elections roll around and we can start to fix what has been fucked with. By then I fear Trump will have found a way to run again anyway, and the half of us who are career IDIOTS will elect him for a third time. Half of this country can't think straight, and that's a heavy burden. Half of this country are shit people. Half. Fucking HALF.
If I sound like an asshole, it's because I am. I've had to become one to survive in this dystopia. And I'm sick of surviving. I can't remember the last time I didn't feel sick with stress. Literally can't remember. Can't remember the last time I went on a vacation or enjoyed life without guilt and fear. Can't remember the last time I bought something just because I wanted it and knew I could get it.
Sorry. Probably shouldn't even make this entry public. I'm just in a bad way after getting home from the doctor and getting an estimate from my "insurance" about the crumbs they will pay of the massive bill I have. Why do I even have insurance? It's basically worthless as this point.
I'm done. I should stop here. I feel good after venting. There's much more to complain about, but I'll ignore it for now. That's how you get through the day.
YOU ARE READING
Maybe We Should Go Back
Non-FictionI decided to make a space to rant, discuss, review and just get things off my chest. Please note that mental illness and addiction are things I live with, so this might be triggering to some. I'm holding nothing back.
