Broken but not shattered

Chapter 26

Carly's POV

We got back in the car and I gripped the steering wheel hard. My knuckles turned white. My breathing was heavy and it felt like I was going to explode and break down at the same time. I felt hands on my wrist pulling them away from the wheel and resting in Aj's hands.

"You stood up for yourself. I know that wasn't easy but I'm proud of you,"

"He has been more of a father to me than my actual father. I never thought I would see such anger when he looked at me. I knew he was going to be upset, but it looked like he hated me," I said, tears rolling down my face.

"He doesn't hate you. No one could. He is hurt and needs time," she explained, wiping the tears from my face. "Now do you want to finish our date or would you like to call it a day? Whatever you want to do is fine with me,"

"No, I want to finish our date. I have a surprise for you," I said, pulling out of the parking spot and heading down the road. 15 minutes later we made it back to my house.

"What are we doing here?" she asked as we got out of the car.

"You will see," I said, grabbing her hand and leading her to my backyard. We got to the back fence line and she noticed the hole in the fence. I crawl through it, then motion for her to do the same.

"Where are you taking me?" she asked, crawling through.

"You will see," I answered, leading her through the woods behind my house. After 7 minutes I stopped and looked at her.

"I know you just met me, but do you trust me?" I asked.

"Yes,"

"Good, follow me," I said, before climbing down a small cliff. I reached the bottom and looked up expecting to see her still at the top thinking I'm crazy, but she was almost to the bottom. She never even thought twice before following me. She got to about 7ft off the ground and jumped off the wall.

"Aj! Are you ok?" I asked, rushing to her side thinking she hurt herself. She looked up at me laughing and my whole world stopped. The only thing I could see or hear was her laughing. I think I just found my new favorite noise. I pulled myself back and helped her up.

"I'm fine, don't worry," she smiled. I held her hand and led her to the edge of the river bank where I set up a small picnic.

"Did you set this up?"

"Yes, I wanted you to know I was serious when I said I wanted to try this, so I wanted to bring you here. No one has ever been here. I found it a long time ago. It's quiet and peaceful, so when things get bad or everything is just too much I come out here," I explained, sitting on the blanket and patting the spot next to me.

"It's beautiful, thank you for sharing this with me," she said, sitting next to me. We stayed there for a while enjoying eachothers company, but in the back of my mind I was worried about the day she would find out about me, I just didn't think that day would come so soon.

"In the car you said Reece was more of a father then you actual father. I take it you and your dad don't have a good relationship?"

'Damn, me and my big mouth' I thought to myself. "Yeah, we use to, but not anymore,"

"If you don't mind me asking, why is that?"

"I have problems, and he couldn't handle it so he left. I haven't seen him in over a year," I said looking at the ground. Scared to see the look on her face.

"What kind of problems?" she asked, and as much as I wanted to live in our bubble where she had no clue I don't want her to get in a relationship that she doesn't want.

"I struggle with depression and anxiety. I can mask it well to where most people don't notice, but that comes with some not so good coping mechanisms, and I understand if that's not something you want to deal with," I said, getting up and facing away from her. I could hear rustling behind me.

"I am here. I'm not going to run just because you have gone through struggles. We all have problems and I want to learn about yours and be here to help me if you will let me," she said, her arms wrapping around my waist and her chin resting on my shoulder.

"People say that, but when reality hits they run. I don't blame them I would to if I could but, I just don't want you to sign up for something that you don't know the extent of," I said, squeezing the wrists the rest around my waist. Scared to let go, cause I know this could be over before it even gets started.

"Carly, you are not the only one with struggles. I understand people leaving, but I also know that sometimes we get so focused on who left that we don't see who stayed. I don't know much about your home life yet, but I have heard that you have an older brother and little sister, your mom, and I would assume that the reason you were so worried about how everyone at the nursery would take 'us' is because they mean a lot to you. I know the people that have left hurt you, but don't let that hurt get in the way of the people that stayed," she explained, turning me around in her arms, pulling me closer.

"Yeah, I guess you're right, but are you sure you want to deal with my problems?" I asked, unable to believe anyone would willingly choose to stay.

"I'm not going anywhere unless you want me too, Angel," she said, pressing her lips to my forehead.

"Then the first thing you should probably know is I have an eating disorder," I explained, looking down ashamed of myself.

"Ok, is there anything I can do to help and support you?"

"What?" I asked, shocked by her reaction.

"I want to support you, but I also don't want to hurt you by accident because my support might not be what you need,"

"No one has ever asked me that before. They just assume they know best, or call me crazy for just not eating," I said, still blown away with how she is taking this.

"Angel, you are not crazy. It's true that I don't know that feeling, but I understand it's not just as simple as not eating. There is so much more to it, and everyone is different, so what helps one person could be harmful to another. I just want to know how best to help you," she said, pulling me closer so my head was resting on her shoulder.

"You have no idea how much that means to me. You saying that," I said, crying into her shirt.

"It's ok. Take your time, we have all the time in the world," she said, running her fingers through my hair. A few minutes later I pulled away and looked her in the eyes.

"I have gotten better. I will never truly get rid of the urges and habits, but I have had a lot of help and I have gotten better. Best thing to help is not draw attention. If you see I'm picking at my food, maybe talk to me about your day. If you have noticed I haven't eaten in a while, ask me for lunch or something."

"I can do that, now let's get you home. It's getting late and you have work in the morning," she said, going over to pack up the picnic area. When she was done she walked back over to me.

"You ready?" she asked.

"Never been more ready," I said, answering her question, but there was so much more meaning behind it.