the first time i saw you ↬ emison

; fourteen

alison's pov

i start to lean in, but bmily dodges my kiss. damnit. damnit. damnit.

did she already know that i was going to try to kiss her? either way, this tension in this room was getting awkward.

emily pushes her hair behind her ear and bites her lip.

"i think, i'll just, um..i think i'll just go home," she says gathering her things.

i grab her wrist. "em, it's okay. you can stay, especially with all of the stuff with ben today," i say, trying to convince her to stay. she looks at me for a second then shakes her head.

"no, no, i uh have to go to um, swim practice! and uh, they're expecting me,"  she's such a horrible liar, i think shaking my head.

"okay," i say unconvinced. "make sure, you feel better.," i say looking down, disappointed and embarrassed.

"yeah." 
she then leaves avoiding saying goodbye and eye contact.

emily's pov

as, i look straight into, alison's ice blue eyes, i start to notice her, leaning in.

my heart starts to get excited and happy, then i remember the downside. aliIson doesn't really love me, at least not in that way. if, i let her kiss me, i'm going to kiss back, basically giving her something to use against me. i'm not dumb, i can prevent it.

i back away, fastly, leaving her on the bed, embarrassed.

i push my hair behind my ear and bite my lip ferociously.

"i think, i'll just, um.. it think i'll just go home," i say picking up tissues.

alison's hand grabs my wrist. "em, it's okay. you can stay, especially with all the stuff with ben today," she says.

i'd rather not.

"no, no, i have to go to um, swim practice! and uh, they're expecting me."

"okay," she says blankly. "make sure you feel better," she says.

"yeah."

++++++++++++

i park at hanna's and get out of my car. they're something i have to tell her. something that's been weighing down on me, since I had laid eyes on alison. i was a little confused, but I'm pretty sure now. due to ben's cheating on me and our breakup, i think now is the perfect time to get this off of my chest.

i knock on her door, and wait for her to answer.

when she opens the door, my stomach is doing backflips.

"i have to tell you something," i blurt out. she puts on a confused face. "about me. something i think you should know."

she opens the door, and leads me to the dining room, where i sit.

"so, what do you have to tell me?" hanna asks.

"i haven't told anyone else, so this is really nerve wracking for me to tell you."

"it's okay, em. just tell me," she says.

"today, i caught ben cheating on me."

hanna face changes and a couple of seconds later she says something. she holds both of my hands. "oh my gosh, em. i'm so sorry," she says with a sympathetic face.

"that's not what i wanted to tell you, though. i wanted to tell you, that.." my mouth is not allowing me to say the words, my is beating so hard, that it's going to beat out of my chest. "that.." i try to say again. my lips start to quiver and i'm trying to keep myself together. i start to breath loudly.

"i never really liked ben. i only, dated him because, i sorta felt bad for him. but, i never was really attracted to him or anything like that. because, i think.." my chest feels hot and i'm breathing far to fast. hanna sees me struggling, and slightly smiles at me, reminding me why i'm telling her.

"i'm gay," i say, with tears starting to fill my eyes. a million pounds were just lifted out of my shoulders. it was the best feeling in the world. i felt so open and free.

her jaw drops open, and she looks at me shocked. i look at her. she doesn't say anything, making me even more nervous. i don't blame her, it is a lot to take in.

"it's okay," she finally smiles. making me grin ear-to-ear. "i fully support you, and i'm glad you told me."

my eyes start to fill, with tears of joy and relief. "come here," she says, pulling me into a hug as i gladly accept and hug her ever so tightly.

"i love you," she tells me.

"i love you, too," i say.

i sit back down. "do you like a girl?" hanna suddenly asks.

"huh?"

"you must've found some girl, that made you feel in love, to make you find out that you were gay."

"umm," i say awkwardly.

"em, you just came out to me. i'm pretty sure you can just tell me who your girl crush is," she giggles.

i bite my lip, feeling scared of what she might think.

"alison", i say. regretting what i just said.

her eyes go wide, and i'm left shocked too. he takes a few minutes to process that, as i wait patiently.

"if there is someone in your life, who cares about you, then i'm happy for you. no matter who they are," she tells me as i smile at her.

"thank you, so much," i say with a voice breaking.

she hugs me once more. "have you told the girls yet?" she asks.

"no. i was going to ask if you could." i say.

"of course," she says.

++++++++

after, hanna told everyone to meet us at her house, everyone showed up. except for ali, i hear a knock on the door and race to see ali.