Kiss Me My Darling, Darling I Need You.

Chapter 4: Castle of Glass.

|Matty|

|Dallas, Texas|

"Here's to the first day of tour!" Charlie cheered with the red solo cup raised high. I mimicked his motions and raised my large red plastic cup into the air before throwing it back in one swift gulp. Tour days have finally arrived, we've played a couple shows since the last tour but not a proper list of day after day events. I can tell I'm going to be worn out by the time I go to Massachusetts. I might sleep for most of my visit there. I hope not. I think I was more nervous about going to Massachusetts than I was about playing shows, I mean, I've played hundreds of shows but this is only my third visit to my mom's house. I don't know what it is about Cape Cod but every time I go for an adventure there I get this spectacular feeling in my gut, like pixie dust has been sprinkled on a path that could potentially lead me to something new, something amazing. Something life changing. My mom asks if I'm high, I chuckle and reassure her that I am not. There's something about Cape Cod that makes me feel like the song Tonight, Tonight by the Smashing Pumpkins. It might just be me though; maybe I am high. Maybe I'm delusional, lost in a sea of hope.

"Did you see? Bow wrote a new book." Jordon commented, leaning against the wall beside me. I went from staring into space to gazing over at him.

"How could I not? It's in every store that sells books." I stated honestly. It was true, every store that sells books has a Bow Rivera section, it's really hard to miss it too. What I find odd is that, every other author changes their biography every other year; Bow hasn't changed hers since she was in California. It's nothing to fret about but it's peculiar.

"You're not going to hunt her down on this tour, are you?" He questioned coldly. I distested his choice of words. I wasn't going to hunt her down, she's not an animal made for slaughter. I shook my head and frowned.

"I'm going to look for her, not hunt for her. She's not an animal that I want as a trophy." I told him gutturally. Jordon chuckled and raised his eyebrows at me.

"Really? Because to the rest of us it looks like you're hunting her down in some sick and twisted game of cat and mouse. I mean, its more than obvious that she doesn't want you to find her. Just leave her alone, man."

"Shut up." I snapped coarsely.

"She deserves for you to let go. You deserve to let go." Jordon was trying to make me see what was best, but what does he know? I ignored his remark and continued to enjoy my drink. But I couldn't get the words out of my head.

I sighed and decided it was best if I went for a walk to clear my head. But my head was only being filled with questions. Was I hunting her down? Was this some sick game of cat and mouse? Surely it can't be. I'm just looking for answers, and she has them so I guess I'm looking for her. I mean, I have been looking for her for over four years. She left in May of 2010, she went completely off the grid in January and she hasn't been seen since. It's been almost five years since she left, and I haven't stopped looking. And I'm personally hurt that the guys are treating this so lightly. They should be filling out a Missing Persons Report. But they keep telling me that Bow is a big girl now, she knows what she's doing. I don't think she does. I think she was overwhelmed with emotions and made an irrational decision. Maybe she needed a small vacation, and she decided to just not come home. Maybe she was hurt when she realized Pat wasn't too broken up about their break up and didn't hang onto her too long before moving on. I stopped working with him when he found out Bow and I were messing around. It was for the best though.

I went back to the bus after strolling around the venue for a while, nobody was there besides Dylan. I must've walked in on his phone call home. I hesitated for a moment at the door but then I plopped down on the sofa with a hardy grunt. I tried to occupy myself by scrolling through my phone, but I was distracted by Dylan sitting across from me at the table with a stupid smile on his face.