Kiss Me My Darling, Darling I Need You.

Chapter 3: I'm Bent, I'm Not Broken, Come Live In My Life.

Mondays were always difficult for me. I've never liked them, especially since Seth started Daycare. I couldn't sleep in anymore. When Seth was a baby he'd sleep all through the night, waking up a few times to eat and be changed but nothing excessive. He was a good baby. But now that he's at Daycare during the week days, I have to get up early to get him ready. I have to brush his insane hair, feed him, get him dressed, brush his teeth and get his bag ready for the day. Luckily he's potty trained now, he only wears pull ups at night. This is his last year of Daycare before he goes to Kindergarten, this is more like Preschool rather than Daycare. He learns simple things while there and I enjoy seeing him gaining social skills.

Today was like every other day, I woke up at six thirty in the morning to start getting breakfast cooked, and his bag ready. He got up at seven, he usually gets up easily but today he wanted to sleep a little more. Unfortunately he couldn't. When he was at least moving I sat him down at the coffee table with some cereal and fruit, and a sippy cup of milk. He ate while I brushed his hair and tied it back from his face. I then washed his face and helped him brush his teeth before putting clean clothes on him. A superhero tee shirt and jeans. He sat and watched cartoons while I got ready.

Today he was unusually quiet, even when he was watching cartoons he was silent. Normally he's bouncing off the walls because he's excited to see his friends. I didn't make anything of it. He has unusual days where he's not himself, today is one of those days.

But when I was taking him to the School I was perturbed when Hollywood Undead came on the radio. The first thing I did was look back at Seth, he was sitting in his car seat playing with his toys. Seth decided to bring his dump truck to Daycare today, one of our neighbors brought it over for him and I was glad that he was playing with it. I don't want him to know that band, I don't want them to influence his life. I love those guys but that chapter is over. I have to move on from them. Despite all this memories we've made over the years. I've known those guys for a long time so letting go was hard. Letting go of Matt has been the hardest thing I've ever had to do. He's the angel from my nightmare. How can I not still be in love with him? He's been my first everything, first date, first kiss, first love; first everything. Nobody can compare. But at this point I wonder if this is just an obsession rather than love. Am I obsessed with Matt? Is he obsessed with me?

When I dropped him off he was ushered inside by one of the Daycare assistance. I hugged and kissed him goodbye then went to the local restaurant for some breakfast and coffee. I usually come here when I need inspiration for a book I'm working on, the locals are nice enough to let me use the things they say or do in my stories. Some of the old timers know what I'm going through right now, they can't empathize but they sympathize. They don't judge me for trying to make a good choice for myself, and Seth. Granted they don't know that I didn't know I was pregnant until after I arrived in Cape Cod but still, it's best if Seth stays away from Hollywood, and Inglewood, or California in general. I don't want him to be hurt by Matt in the same way I have.

After I ate and chatted with the regulars, I paid then left to go home. I had some writing to do before I had to go get Seth that afternoon. I sat behind my laptop and wrote for a solid six hours, yes I got up a couple times for coffee and to pee but that's it. I didn't mean to completely ignore the other things I had to do today, it just happened. I had groceries to do today, and yard work. Maybe I'll do the yard work tomorrow. And the goroceries when I go to pick Seth up. But the upside is: I got a couple thousand words written. Nobody will expect me to write a sequel to Oblivion. I haven't touched that book in ten years; Matt always said it was his favourite book out of all the books I've written. But there was a paragraph in that book, the last paragraph, it made me feel like I needed to write more to it. I wrote that paragraph the day I found out that I was pregnant the first time. Right before I went to see Pat at the park.